Sitting in the tub,
Water washing over me,
Cleansing my tears stains,
Washing away my pain,
Down the drain,
Naked and alone.

The water turns cold,
Yet I barely move,
Too drained of emotion,
Too exhausted to care,
Am I shaking,
Or is it an earthquake?

No one checks on me,
No one really cares,
Until they need to ***,
Then it's just mad,
They can't walk in.

So I get out,
On legs of a newborn calf,
And dry off,
Realizing I never washed,
My body or hair.
-Bee

I miss your hugs,
I miss your kisses,
I miss your smile,
When it's pointed at me.

I miss your smell,
I miss your eyes,
The greenish brown rings,
That make me smile.

I miss your touch,
I miss the love,
When you loved me,
Like I love you.

We're a foot apart,
But it might as well be an ocean,
You put a wall up,
To keep me out.

But I'm standing on the outside,
Screaming for you to see me,
Begging for you to hear me,
Wishing for you to love me,
Hoping you know I miss you.
-Bee-

I am not enough,
Good enough,
Smart enough,
Beautiful enough,
Loveable enough,
For you to try.

Not once chance,
Not one small trial,
Not worth the time or effort.

It's easier to write,
Off nine years I guess,
And four kids.

Someone new and shiny,
Someone pretty and smart,
Someone worthy of your time and effort,
Has taken my spot.

I hope she loves you like I do,
I hope she shows you like I didn't,
I hope she shares her darkest secrets,
Because that's my biggest regret.

I hope you stay together,
Until the end of time,
Because I wasn't it for you,
And you deserve the best.
-Bee-

By all means scribble on my heart, Soon it will be one ******* hole.
Please someone enter my mind, all these voices are talking to me, but i dont know where to start.
Yo someone get a hold on me, my body is moving before my eyes can see.
Tape my mouth and make me bleed, before my mind takes care of me.
I'm Calling for help but you cant see, When i smile on the outside,
All im asking is for you to need me.
-Bee-

Whispers and stares,
Acting like im not even there,
A fragile doll,
Waiting to break,
Then it hits me,
They all know my secret,
A few brave souls,
Even have the nerve,
To apologize to me,
Like they knew her,
A friend grabs my arm,
Says 'buzz off' to the masses,
I end up in the office,
With my head between my knees,
'Anxiety attack' the counselor says,
Its normal for people,
With a hard past,
After school see a therapist,
Dont talk to her at all,
Anxiety attacks become worse,
Post tramatic they diagnose,
Seeing a loved one leave is hard,
But limb by limb it gets worse,
First the calf down,
Then all 5 of her toes,
Eyesight is next,
How did you know?,
Then fingers come off too,
Put her in a home,
See her leave everyday that you roam,
In 2 years you're hopeful,
Helping with others,
Then the day comes,
And shes gone forever,
Didnt even get to say good bye,
Six days after your birthday..,
How happy am i?
-Bee-

Im drowning,
In a sea of people,
All expecting something.
Im going insane,
The voices are talking to me,
But i cant hear a sound.
Im losing my touch,
I feel numb all over,
Need to be smacked back into reality.
Starting to think those hollywood people are genius,
Acting like a nutshow,
And getting some solice.
How i crave a padded room,
With no one around,
To be my own person,
With my own sound.
No more voices telling me to do this or that,
No more pushing and shoving,
No more drowning like that.
-Bee-

If I had one wish,
I'd turn back time,
Talk to you more.

I would tell you all my fears,
And the **** in my head,
I wouldn't worry about what
You would think of me.

I would delete all the apps in my phone,
I'd hold you tighter,
I'd tell you I love you every hour,
I would annoy you so much with this power.

If I had one wish,
It would be us,
To work us out,
And not give up.

But it's too late now,
I waited too long,
If only, if only,
I could turn back to the begining.
-Bee-