The journey inside my mind is not one to take without caution.
So if you have a weak stomach I suggest you go back the way you came.
Because it only gets more ****** up from here.

Don't be sad for me because I'm broken because I'm not.
I put myself back together by myself as my friends handed me the pieces.
And when I could stand again they all said it was time to leave.
I thanked them all, but told them no.
Because I wanted to stay not because I have too.
The ones that understood are still with me the rest left in disgust.
But they don't matter the ones who stayed do because they saw the Love.
They still don't know why I wait...I wonder if you do.

I try to act brave like  nothing bothers me.
But I can't lie to myself and I can't lie to you.
It seems my fears are tied to sounds because what my mind won't let me see i can hear just fine.
The horrible cackle from a white faced buffoon.
A little boy crying wishing his Mom would come home because Daddy kept yelling and praying he didn't find him because the fists were worse.
The crash of trees in dark strange forest and the smell of old death.
But the worst of all is when its nothing at all.
Because that is the sound of you forgetting me.

It's so close I can almost taste it.
Loud music and sweaty teenage bodies dancing like mad men all around me.
Ocean breezes and late nights sleeping in my car listening to the waves.
Bottle rockets and roman candles the glow of the fire the glint of freedom in my eyes.
Skateboards, ****** cars, generic ***, and bad ****.
And laughing at our parents who think we'll be like them.
I wish you would join me not as a farewell but as a new hello.
Because this is just the beginning and as long as I breathe it will never end.
Because I promised myself I'll never be boring again.

Giving up for you is not an option.
Because whether you believe me or not you're the best at what you do.
You are more comfortable two feet in the air than on the ground.
I kissed your calloused feet because they give you the flight you love so much.
So please don't give up on yourself like you gave up on me.
Because I will never give up on the Love I have for you.

I stand in my doorway tears stinging my eyes as I bite them back.
I look around the room it's full of my demons bloodied and bruised.
They stare at me shocked at what I had done and yet they still smile.
Because they know I haven't won that I'll never win.

Its as much a part of me as razor blades are to you.
Though I don't try to stay away because I'm not hurt by the burn.
For me its my escape my window to somewhere where its not quite so cold.
Maybe that's why I carry my matches with me just in case I need to.
**Escape

I lie when I say I feel it kicking in.
The **** doesn't work it never worked for me at least.
Or maybe it works every time.
And I just don't feel it because it'll never make me as high as I was with your head on my chest.

We just went out of stock you're an hour too late.

There are no more tickets available you're a week too late.

The class is no longer being offered you're a month too late.

You just woke up too bad she doesn't Love you any more you're ten months Too Late.

Just because I'm late doesn't mean i'm giving up because to me Love doesn't have an expiration date.

Its not like I don't sleep.
Then why does it look like I haven't seen a bed in months.
I'd say it's you keeping me up at night, but they were there first.
It must be that my teenage soul leaves my body while I sleep and parties with the skeletons in my closet.
That would explain why we're always out of chips.

Don't get me wrong I love to drive.
Cruising down the road with Green Day or Panic! at the Disco blasting through my speakers.

But I require fresh air, perhaps more so than most.
I need dirt and dust to cake my sneakers and feet.
And perhaps the strangest part is I need to smell.
I need to smell the river water and the dead leaves of the forest.
I need to smell the tang of the ocean and sweetness of the strawberry fields.
But mostly I need to stand in a meadow right after it rains.
Because that is the closest thing that has ever come to smelling like you.

Sometimes I think I can move on find someone else and be happy.
Its obvious that's what you want me to do.
But when I see your face those thoughts fly away and all I want is to pull you close and press my lips to yours.
So why the **** am I suddenly so nervous when I want to talk to you.

Just a little shadow boy always second place.
It doesn't even matter if you really won the race.

No one will ever believe you when you say that one day your going somewhere.
But I suppose the shock on their faces will make the victory twice as sweet when you finally get there.

So run on little shadow boy and no matter how hard it may seem.
Because at the end of the day this life is only a dream.

This has always been a subject I have never been good at.
And I've had a lot of time to think lately (which is never good).
About you and me and what we could be.
Of what we will be if you give a chance.


And I've thought about my life where I wanna go and what I wanna do.
I still believe the only person it'll work with is you.
I've considered the others who circle me like vultures waiting for my love to die.

But none are as perfectly imperfect as you.
And I know I will never Love another as much as I Love you.

I see you every day walking through the halls like I no longer exist to you.
I have so many things I want to say, so many things I have to prove.
Yet every time my courage is up your headphones go in.
And I see you walking with him casting nervous glances in my direction.

You don't.
I've watched you float up from the earth and return to it.
I've read your heart on lined paper and seen your blood in paint.
I've seen you on your best day and your darkest night.
And through it all I've never seen you regret anything.

I regret one thing.
I regret failing you.
You trusted me to never slow down to never become routine.
I ****** up and you still hung on.
You gave me every chance and I didn't notice.
You left and I died watching you go.
But that wasn't me.
And as its screams of death died down I woke up.
Whatever took the life of my passion and my imagination lost its grip.
I can't reverse what it did.
But if you let me I'll prove to you the boy you loved is alive.

I guess technically I did stuff today.
Nothing that contributes anything to society.
But I could honestly careless.
Because why give a **** when to most people your just a set of numbers.
If I ever do anything important with my life it will be with the thoughts of those whom I love on my mind.
Even the one who left.

I tend to be the only one who laughs at my jokes.
Not because I think I'm funny.
It's  because the voices in my head find it hysterical when I'm the fool.

As I stand on the beach and let the tide over take my legs I wonder.
Where are you going?
Why did you have to leave?
The thing is I already know these answers.
Maybe I just like talking to myself at 6 a.m before people show up and bug me.
Cause who wants a crazy guy who talks to himself ruining their beach time.

Turn the volume up for every song.

Shout out the names of everything and everyone you love.

Soak in the noise while it lasts, because it may not be there tomorrow.

To them I'm not even a person just a machine on a line.
Hell even I started to believe that.
But you once saw so much more, and I saw the pain in your eyes when you started to believe them too.
I watched as you left and I tried in vain to chase after you.
Finally I broke free not just of the line, but also of my metal body and I can still see you in the distance.
I'm not asking you to slow down.
But if you could just turn around for one second I promise I'll catch up.