i am nothing compared

                        to how you make blood rush through

                                       my veins or how at home

                               i feel when i’m next to you

                        you’ve given me meaning

It burns.
Badly.
The burning sensation
Can take over and ****.
But  you begin to like the burn.
Even crave it sometimes.
It's the kind of pain you secretly love.
Kind of like when you hurt someone you love,
Or when someone you love hurts you.
You know it's bad.
You know it's wrong.
But you just can't stop.
Because even though it's awful,
Even though it's painful,
Even though it's lethal,
It all hurts so good.

{alaska}

I take a hit of a cigarette but see no smoke.
I know it's lit; I can see the cherry red ember reflecting in your crystal blue eyes with every drag I take.
You keep smiling at me as if I just cracked a joke.
Although its beautiful,
I cannot fall for that sinister look.
Now you're telling me that you need to feel whole.
Grabbing at my hands as if I was about to let go.
And you can see it reflecting in my eyes
         That I wanted so badly
              to kiss your lips.
I take another hit and see no smoke.
Could this be a dream
          or something so much worse?

There was an Old Man of Whitehaven,
Who danced a quadrille with a raven;
But they said, 'It's absurd
To encourage this bird!'
So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.

i lie awake and chart stars on my ceiling
in my head is a picture of an autistic boy
drowning kittens in the creek behind his house
in southern illinois where my father was from
and little girls left in poppy fields
covered in pollen for the bees to collect
and what do you say to the dead girl
when she complains that she is haunted
and what to do when you feel your bones creak
like a floorboard in the house that you grew up in
and the poison you ****** from his wounds
sits in your stomach like lead weight
tied to a kittens neck and thrown into the river

And it hurts.
Because when I see you
And you turn to look at me
I know you’re thinking
I’m not anything
You thought I might be.