I remembered her face
On a winter night
Were my brain buried under snow of thoughts
what will i
what will i
say...
When her eyes glow in the moonlight
When I hear her soft voice wrap around my ears

I’ll turn my hand into a fist and hide it in my pocket
Trying to squeeze the life out of my nerves
Oh, her beauty
Oh, her beauty
How it makes my knees shakes
Oh how it makes my eyes turn
How it makes my words turn into liquid

But each night
My thoughts melt onto my pillow
What will I say
What will I do
I don’t care
I don’t care
All I want is to see her moonlight eyes
Moonlight
Moonlight
To see her beauty
To see your hair running down
Her bright face…

One day
One day
I’ll see her again
Standing in front of me
Melting the snow under her boots

And I’ll be standing there
Nervous as hell
Forcing the bundle of words stuck in my throat
And my frozen breath
Escaping the dark

But then I’ll wrap my arms around her
And hug her tight
Until my frozen body heats up
And I’ll look into her moonlight eyes
Moonlight eyes
And I’ll say
‘’it’s been a while hasn’t it?’

Woke up
With my eyes stuck together
and my lips dry
and my body stiff

I rubbed my face
and my eyelids  almost closing again

i walked upstairs and walked into my room
and clothes laying eveywhere
grabbed a big sweater and brought it over my head
and slipped my arms through

messed up my messy hair
and walked in to the bathroom
and looked myself in the mirror
my mustache reaching the top of my grey lips
and my stubble growing in slowly
  
walked out of the bathroom
left the light on
and into the kitchen
i yawned,it left me  feeling weake
opened up the cuboards took out the coffee
walked over a basket with bread and took a slice
made the coffe and let it  to boil
put the bread in the toaster and let it to toast

looked out my window
and the blue sky moving slowly
with the clouds fluttering along
the trees turned yellow
and the streets wet,for it rained

the toast popped out
and coffe was made

sat on the table
rubbed my face
the coffee steam raveling my nose
and my teeth ready to taste the crunsh of white toast

i thought about the day
and
smiled...

Biking is my only Medecine for me
Fast through the cold wind
I can't even feel my fingers about to fall off
When I bike I'm in the present
There's no past there's no future
Just keep on biking
Go fast
Gliding with the wind

I just wanna bike away

Bike away

Bike today

Goodbye

I woke up
the sun softly breaking through
resting on the wall,
i left my radio on
playing songs and songs
that i love
my hair is glued to my forehead
i feel it scratching against my skin
i look around piles of clothes
laying on the corner of my bed
empty bowls of  cheerio cereal
my guitars laying up against a wall
one that is laying on the floor
two burnt matches on the floor
a poorly painted zebra mask
and a yellow leaf that fell from its place
a lot of dried pieces fell off the dead leaf,
old VHS tapes against the wall
***** dancing,breakfest club,ferris bueller , blues brothers
so much more
books piled in each other
dorian grey,to **** a mockingbird, a farewell to arms
i'm missing two books
i lent them to my friend
red ink from a pen on the floor
i had to keep the guitar cord at a certain bend to it would amplify
it gave in and exploded
a green paint mark on my wall
and a cut out mustache
an old keyboard of the 80's
sometimes it turns on sometimes it doesn't
notebooks of poems
and boxes of drawing i did when i was younger
a big jar with two dead roses
pencils and pens cross in and out
a little emptied out honey jar
filled with all my train tickets
my bracelets laying on the floor
except for the blue one my wrist
it never comes off
my camera lays beside the camera beg
drawings on the wall
and my hats on top of each other
and my sweaters all over the place
vinyl album covers
of the Beatles and Pink Floyd

My mom calls it a mess
i call it
me...

i don't what the future will bring

i'm i relaxed?!

i'm i anxious

i don't even know anymore

i'm so confused

the breeze goes
were my mustache used to be
i feel like i changed so much
its not just the mustache
its all the events that happened last night


why did it happen to me?

The night was long
And the stars were singing softly as the moon danced around them
I could feel the air
Entering my body
I couldn't feel my feet touching the ground
Maybe I was flying
Flying in the air
All alone
With my acid thoughts
My mind was exploring
My eyes grew
And felt my eyes were turning like the  earth
I saw myself in a reflection
I barely recognized myself
Music was becoming a part of me
And I understood how it worked
Water slowly dripping down my ribs
A waterfall in my body
Who was I
Only my heart knew
... Morning came
And the sunrise was beautiful
I could almost drink it....

Wake up
And dress up
Put on your best smile

Now you're sweating
Tired and all

Evening has come
And day has gone

**** this
I wanna be with her
Every second

Not doing this

A second
A minute
An hour
A day
A month
A year....
Your life can be different
Can change in a matter of minutes
Or in a matter of years
I drive my life slowly
Unknowingly
Where I'll end
Cause at any moment
I may not be here

9th month

September2013:
blue skys
warm air
at night it would go cold
the autumn leaves slowly started to fall
still rained from the summer
and the cold wind
started to chill us to the bone

On the first week
i walked to my friends house
with Zoe and her french exchange student Elise on my side,
we waked into Zoes house and sat in the kitchen
Elise had an apple with peanut butter
Me and Zoe  Had Soup
We walked after to a little River bank,
Elise sat on the rocks
i skipped flat rocks like Amelie Poulain
Zoe took picutres of the river.
We found a ripped dollar bill with a phone number written on it
Zoe texted it, no answer
it rained later that evening
i reasted on my bed and thought about the day
with a smile

i Biked to my favorite field
one evening...
recited a poem i made up in my head
the one line that i repeted was
" Will the love of Fall and Winter choose me this year?"
a week later a girl named Kirsten walked into my life
with a smile and wave, i wanted to meet her
we talked one day and planned to go to my favorite field
on a Friday..Friday the 13th..not so unlucky
though i cut myself shaving
i went to go meet her that friday
i walked down the stairs
there she was at the bottom of the stair case
"What will become of us?"i thought
She facing the other way,
i wondered if we would become friends
I tapped her on the shoulder
turned around with a surpised look
then she gave me a warm smile
We went to the field
sat in a childrens park
Then sat in the grass that melted in the sun
i showed her a leaf that looked like a heart
..i kept it under my hat...
i walked her home, she lived close by
i gave her a hug and left with a smile on my face
Got home and put the heart leaf on my wall

We became friends
Talked everyday
i would walk her home
and meet her in the field
as i came in riding my bike
She kissed me before i left...

I started to fancy  her
she to started fancy me
I asked if she would be mine
she told me wait
i said " i will!"

Nights came
when we walked around looking the stars and  looking at the city lights
laying the grass and runnning around
we were happy
The night was ours
She kissed me goodnight
i went home
fell upon my flower my bed
and dreamed of her...

with this light a glowing
my heart is
breaking
drying
ohhh

empty veins
that are now dying
take me
to-

to the milky way
to die

This cold and warm feeling

                oh how you shivered


oh how you shivered

We
smiled
ever
so
big

With our legs landing heavily on the wet grass

With your hand
in
mine

oh how we disappeared
disappeared

in the cold warm night

where
love
wrapped
us
together
like
a

blanket...

early in the morning

in your dark room

drinking ***

our skin touches

our lips in-tangled

heavy breathing

high moaning

love making

at its finest

Old Leaves
Burning lovely
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                  Oh,love
                                                         ­                                                                 ­                   Wrapped my bones
                                                           ­                                                                 ­  Disappeared in your beauty


The summers burning
Up the hill
With your hair
On one side
Of spring
                                                          ­ Standing far
                                                            O­n cloud floors
                                                          ­ With your sun warm hands
                                                          A­nd with your soft brown skin

Clocks faded
shaking my hand
till it went numb

                                            She opened
The ocean
                          Until it crashed on me

Till we meet again
                                       DARLING

Until we swim to the shore

Of relaxing

Warmth

Free

The wind

The speed

High
Music

It's like I belong in fall forever


I feel odd

Not to be bike

intense clear blue eyes you have
i can get so lost in them
black hair just like mine
but mine shines brown in the sun
bitten fingers nails
just like my nails
lips so puffy like a cloud i could sink into them
layer of soft skin
just around your belly
or better said around you're whole body
i love you're skinny legs
that wrap my torso
i love youre red fingers(cause its so cold)
that scratch my head
when i have my whole head planted into youre belly
oh i could keep on going...

And you have a stressful family life
just like me
but i hate to see you teary eyed
my beautiful girl

" it depresses the hell outta me"

stars in my eyes

honey tea  in my hands

a button up shirt

and ***** grey pants

standing on a hill
the moon watched me closely
and sung into my ear
i sung loudly after him

you honestly think i miss you?

i miss  the days
i talked with the moon
and sat on a porch
with my friends
as they smoked cigarettes
the sunset...resting in our eyes
as we laughed
and made quotes,
the days i biked  
and felt so freely

then i proceeded to melt

into the earths  fingers...

sad,how poetry slips slowly out of my life
ill try to grip on
no other thing like it

lazy
friends
girlfriend
biking
school

i guess im just busy

but how i miss writing poetry everyday

being able to say,decribe and even picture  
how i feel which i thought was impossible

we are becoming stitched together
questioning "why?" when out hands let go
i think of an other time
of us but we do not know each others name
nor know the taste of each others lips
and i get this shiver at the back of my brain
yelling out to my ear
"dont"
im holding  you
dont hold back
hold me now
till im in a deep sleep
kiss me on the forehead
and ill kiss you on the lips
i wont hold back
if you hold me now
cause ill hug you
till my arms shatter
and ill
have nothing left to hold  on with
and thats when i need you the most

and i got lost

in the night sky

the stars melting and dripping down the navy blue sky


a thought crossed my mind
that came aloft

slipping through my skin
in my brain of wonders


a thought .....

so sweet
as sweet as  strawberry
growing on my lungs
the veins tangling my heart

my lips started to dry

and i wanted to kiss your soft flower petal lips

telling me your eyes have turned to
strawberry fields
and you brain melting Through your ears
creating a pool
that take you to a new world
filling your bones with with music notes
so that all you breath is music
and the feeling happy
and i couldn't possibly knowwhat your thinking
but i know when your eyes look towards me
you silently whisper
" i hate him"
Say all you want
its just a drug to my mind
making me fly
so to the moon pool
of tears from love
all i do is relax
with the stars telling me there secret
"how to shine"

ooooOOoo have you ever felt this
you know that feeling
where you dont care
giving your mind numbness

and the feeling of kissing
the one you want to
wraps your stringy arms around

the feeling  of soft skin...

Different color
Different art
A land that looks liked dried up tree roots
A sea of beauty
The black hole of wonder
Grows and shrink
To keep out the ugliness
And swallow  the beauty
And my eyes swallow your beauty...

It's been a year and 8 months
I see you everyday
You're my best friend
But the love of my life
First a stranger
Who I couldn't take my eyes off...
I caught you looking in my eyes.
I'll never forget that day

But, I feel like I've never met you
Like You were  there my whole life
Like my family
A part of me

My beautiful girl
Who has me wrapped around her finger
I live  to keep that smile on your face
Live to feel your touch
Everyday
...

Sleep is my favourite hobby
No one knew that I would be this way
Not even I knew I'd be here now
The days are shorter and so are
My years
The past is looking better
The future seems twisted
But I know after it'll be a nice ride
Sleeping like I'm on a tide
All I wanna ******* do is glide
Far off  onto the other side

Sleeping is my favourite hobby
Spread out on my bed
And deep in my dreams
Is where I wanna stay
If I wake up one more time I think I'll cry
Don't get me wrong I don't wanna die
But the state of sleep
Is something I wanna dig my myself in deep

I sat on a hill one morning
6:00
One morning

The foggy blue sky
Became
A melting red strawberry
With a pinch of peaches
And coffee cream
Painted on the sky

The grass freshly wet
From the morning dew
Oh I wish I could put it in a tea cup
I would sip it all up
Down my ribs it will go
Painted on my lips
That'll do...
A sad tree leaning on its lover
All the others looking
Jealous
Of the love they hold
On the tips of there wooden fingers

The sun coming up slowly
Burning everything with the word
"Beauty"

My fingers sinking in the soft dirt
Reminding me of my morning coffee
Riding up to my nails

The morning of the day
Putting the haze and daze
In my eyes

I think of her
And her green,brown,beautiful eyes

And I drown
In the earths tears

These nights
Seem odd
Relaxing but out of place
Maybe I am out of place
I came to the conclusion
I think about the future and past too Much
I have forgotten the art of
Enjoying the day
How?
Slipped right out of my  fingers
Perphaps it's my fault
I may have had "fun"
But I fell behind a bit
Now I'm catching up

******* why does society
Make me have to speed of my life up

Why can't I just live off the land
Enjoy the companie  of nature
And the sky

For the remainder of my life

How sad

Mother father
I didn't mean to falter
In your eyes I didn't become so
With my mind
Drew another path
Hated and saw it was filled with rot
Of course you would , from your perspective
But I do not apologize for my life style
I do ask for forgiveness I did not mean
To hurt you so, but If I was not so selfish...

Lover, sister
I hurt you Two
With these decisions I make
I no longer seem to do what's good

Friends
I know u have good  hearts
Good mind
A great personality
A Second  family
I'll see you as that
Even though you " seem" to be
" bad influence "

Two sides
Different WANTS
You want that
You need this
I am stuck In the middle
Desperate to keep both happy
I know it's impossible
But why does it have to be
Can't it be pure simplicity?

My lover
If I do not see you
For these next days
....please do not ignore me
And fill yourself with sadness
IN the end
I'm here to cry with you

i have this pain in my neck,

you see, i have it since fall started

its my constant reminder
that my mind still lingers
on the skinny splinter
of you...

the trail thats on  the map of my past
keeps going back around

theres no  road out...
there really isn't
i've tried
i have failed

i felt the solitude
go into my bones
as a far cry in the distance
deep in the mountains
sings to the sky
i began to cry
my cold hands covering my face
i could feel the wind pushing me back
into the fog,
i thought of you
and fell on the humid grass
as the person as i used to be
reflects in the water
that slowly quivers in your eyes
tell me you'll still fall into my arms
even though im tired and cold
even though...
i'll still hold  you up to the moon
as my mind floats through this world

I know your mind is tired

Stressed out
Worn out

I know your heart is weak
But so strong
The things you have experienced
I wish you weren't alone in those times

Shaky
But you still manage to smile so beautifully

I know you were meant to find me

And I was meant to make you, your heart , your brain...smile

I am your dopamine

2am
My eyes can't stay shut
My thoughts hectic
All I think about Is you

I don't know why but..
I feel uneasy when I think of you
Unsettled , troubled
Something's different

My soul crys
As if I lost you
Why?
You're still mine

Ugh
On nights like this at 2am
Thoughts of you circle my head
I love you and I'm afraid of losing you

I just wish we felt stronger

You gave me that cold look
on the night of the summers end
and i lost all thought
confuzed like a child on a foggy day
but melting with happiness
slipping through the problems
that dont ohld me back
no more no more

Did you hear me?
I'm over
Did you hear me?
i'm done hearing your voice
Did you hear me?
i'm floating on like a feather
that fell off a wise bird wings drifting the skys
Did you hear me?
I'm done

So my walked around last night
passed through the old road
we used to run on
a paper layed on the ground
picked it up and unfolded it
and i see youve been talking behind my back
Telling lies about me
thats leaving a sour feeling in your tongue
said you never hurt me
i guess thats lie
you told me so i could  trust you
Goodbye goodbye

I'm driking tea with friends
and laughing at the good moments
feeling my heart is numb
maybe am ready to fly

Even if the city is filled with smoke

Because of the fires


Even if the smokes feel my lungs and brains and make me feel dizzy

I still smoke cigarettes
And smoke ****

.....my brain feels...

Kinda....light.

So you saw me dancing on thin ice
As moon applauded me
and only me
ohhh
The stars are loving
the starts are laughing
looking down the world
looking on down me
and i'm shaking my head
to see my heart beat, was beating for the wrong one
------------------
youre falling,slipping, crying,sinking
wishing that you brought me down with you
youre shaking,lying,running,screaming
and i'm sitting down on this wooden chair
playing cards cards with your mind
confuzing you

and i'm crowing out my lungs
playing cards with your mind
confuzing you
-----------------
now the shortest day of winter
ate away the sun
tripping on you
and now am telling you
i'm dancing
As the words
slip your mind
making your lips dry
--------

youre falling
youre falling
youre falling
youre falling
youre falling

Playing cards with your mind
confuzing you...

Summer's dripping slowly in
Covering the city with a thin layer of green
The blue sky letting the sun make your skin sweat

I wake up
Mind cluttered
Face stubbly
Kinda hungover ? Or am I ****** ?

Get up ,get dressed ,wash up ,eat
And I'm off
Both feet glued to my pedals
Mind focused
Mind cleared

I'll bike away

6th month

June2013:
Broke in with a crazy  light
that came from the sun

June...
Melted my brain
and the last of my personality
as i started my regular routine of biking
around the city

summer! was coming
oh i was excited

oh...it started raining
to much
the river started raising
and reached  the bridges
all the houses that we at the end of the hill
got flooded
My city was in a worry state
it rained for two days straight
then  the sun came out
and looked like nothing ever happened in my city

i saw my friend janessa
and we sat in a childs park in a green field
and we talked about the plans we had for the summer
we laughed
and spend 20 mins eating goldfish crackers
or her trying to feed me one...

i walked home from the train
one day
with a smile on my face
through my favorite field
and i thought to myself

"oh i cant wait too see what this summer holds for me"

my brain is laughing
and i am triping the light fantastic
and i wish you trip the light fantastic with me
but i saw you grooving  with another man
...to bad i guess
i'll just dance under this light
that keeps me moving

I stare at a girl in my head
with long blonde hair
with purple streaks gliding across
With lips that makes you want
to kiss the bad memories away

A girl that makes you want
to wrap your arms around
her warm heart
that makes you want to hold her hand
until your hand turns into a lake

she's a girl with a beautiful mind
with eyes of a blue sea
a face of soft clouds
a nose  that's perfectly round
with a red heart
white bones,with bravery written across it
a smile  that makes your ribs close in

just a girl
just a girl

that gives me this feeling
a feeling...

a feeling

like paint in the wind,
leavings tracks of colour
tracks of happiness...

your lungs are talking
making you cry

your brain is singing

your bones tighten

teeth glowing

heart pouring

filling the world
with your beautiful laughter

In the rush of childhood
I think we are all selfish
And just want everything now
And we don't appreciate small things as much

I feel as so
With everyone in my life
I don't care as much as I should care
I feel like I put on a show
.....

I wanna feel  every emotion
Love everyone like should love
Grasp my childhood and slow it down

I only live one **** time

Laughter broke from our withered lips
and tears broke from our sleepless eyes
the window letting the december air
dance with our december smoke
that filled the room we sat in happily
listening to records
that played from a musical needle
which seemed to be playing forever
We smiled at each other
enjoying our friendly company
we played super mario world
taking turns
finding every level hard

We sat in room
with a wooden floor
and green and white walls

with laughter pouring out from our lungs
and happy running through our veins

enjoying the  december smoke
filling our lungs

paint spilled onto my brain
the world around me was glittering like an ocean
and  the air felt like i was flying through a rain forest
my lips were dry
my mind was numb
i took my bike
and got onto a train
listening to music
the whole world
felt like a movie
looking out the window
you crossed my mind
how we went down this way
holding hands
looking out the window together
and you would turn your head to kiss me on the cheek
leaving my winter cheeks to melt softly
i wanted you by my side
but do you...

You push your weight on me
the weight, your world is breaking my back
how am i supposed to breathe
you can't see your suffocating me
i need an escape
i need to runaway
runaway, from the sins of your ghost

these days, these days
they never change
you continue to stand out in front of my door in winter
darling, can't you see there's no point
i'll never open the door
i'll wait till the snow takes you away

you still have a grip on me
let it go, let it go
to me you were my glowing moon
and i was your ever shining sun
now our love is gone
now summers gone and we've disappeared

your body has gone numb
is it from the tears
that hit the floor

you've pushed my head under water
now am gasping for change
dear, you can't hold onto to me forever
let it go,let it go

these nights end all the same
always end the same
you still wrap  yourself around me

the wind blew sofly
and the snow felled quietly
the trees dipped in snow
and the sky's body is filled with grey
the snow covered the green field
buried those green memories

i stood there
stiff as hell
the cold probably reached my bones

The cold plastic of the headphones dug into my ears
and the music played loud as hell

♪On a thousand islands in the sea
I see a thousand people just like me♪

in the faint distant i hear the snow being compacted
under her feet as she walks away

♪Take me away everyone
When it hurts thou♪

my hands curled into a fist
frusterated by her thoughts
filled  with uncertainty...

♪From my head to my toes
From the words in the book
I see a vision that would bring me luck
From my head to my toes
To my teeth, through my nose
You get these words wrong ♪

Angered with the thought
that the winters chill
freezed her heart

♪ Everytime
You get these words wrong
I just smile ♪

i Turn around quickly
and i see her  walking away
looking at the clouds
as her arms are crossed
her hands holding her arms

♪For these last few days leave me alone♪

i yelled at her
"HEY!"
she stops
but doesn't look back

♪Leave me Alone♪

i smile really big
smiled with madness
"**** you, for making my head
hit the clouds!"
she turns back to look at me
but i was gone
far away
i was gone

♪intrumental♪

youre so silent

i hate that...

snow fell
on my city

and the grey clouds streched aross the sky's

i sit inside
drinking the tea of memories
oh how they taste good



i'll walk out later
with my friend
around the city we will go
on the snow we will walk

on the train we will ride

will i see familliar faces walking around?

who knows
i bet the snow as hidden everyone from me

i'll sit inside as i watch the snow
and my mind will melt

will the storie go on
or will end it a dramatic pause?
and never to resume again...

i hope the snow doesn't freeze
our storie

footprints will be left in the snow
just mine will be there i suposse

i'll wait for spring
when eveything will bloom
bloom
bloom

above you
and you look at me, as if your waiting
waiting...
grasping my shoulders
you pull me in
our skin was touching
heating up,
your red nails dug into my back
but i loved it
your breathing hard
my mind cant take
im going crazy...
your blonde hair smells like fresh strawberrys
i could taste  it on your tongue

i cant get you out of my mind

****...