It was cold that day
and i walked into my favorite cafe
and i ordered a tea
i stood there waiting
i look to my side
kids that i knew all sitting in the middle long table
5 girls and one guy
it was interesting to see..
i scratched my stubble that i grew out for a bit
and i felt my mustache that i was growing for a year now
should i cut it?
it was tangled,
my toque down my forehead
my black hoodie with a faded chocolate stain
and buttons and pins on my left side
my grey jeans
and torn green converse
i looked at the cars pass by-
"Your tea sir!"
he layed it on the counter
looking past his glasses at me
with his long red beard
he stared at me long
i was confused for a moment
" oh th-thank you man!"
he walked away
i grabbed my tea  and walked out
with my hands around the cup
my frozen breath going into the cup
and coming out
intangled
with the tea's steam-
i looked at it escape into the air
and i remember i saw you early that day
looking at me from afar with food in your mouth
waving at me

i was confused

Tell me the storys
they have told you
The songs they sung for you
all that touched you
all those who went right by you
tell me of the ones you rained on for
was it to make them sad?
or make them sing in the rain?
or for the passionate lovers to kiss?
tell me all those clouds you met
were they as nice as you
did they let you dance with them
did some  of them let you show what you can be?
tell me Mr.cloud
is the sky the limit?
or futher?

Tell Me Mr. cloud
did you find love?
with a girl
in a big  blue dress?
and blue eyes?
as you paddled on the river...

Oh all the happiness you can bring

Different color
Different art
A land that looks liked dried up tree roots
A sea of beauty
The black hole of wonder
Grows and shrink
To keep out the ugliness
And swallow  the beauty
And my eyes swallow your beauty...

I woke up
the sun softly breaking through
resting on the wall,
i left my radio on
playing songs and songs
that i love
my hair is glued to my forehead
i feel it scratching against my skin
i look around piles of clothes
laying on the corner of my bed
empty bowls of  cheerio cereal
my guitars laying up against a wall
one that is laying on the floor
two burnt matches on the floor
a poorly painted zebra mask
and a yellow leaf that fell from its place
a lot of dried pieces fell off the dead leaf,
old VHS tapes against the wall
***** dancing,breakfest club,ferris bueller , blues brothers
so much more
books piled in each other
dorian grey,to **** a mockingbird, a farewell to arms
i'm missing two books
i lent them to my friend
red ink from a pen on the floor
i had to keep the guitar cord at a certain bend to it would amplify
it gave in and exploded
a green paint mark on my wall
and a cut out mustache
an old keyboard of the 80's
sometimes it turns on sometimes it doesn't
notebooks of poems
and boxes of drawing i did when i was younger
a big jar with two dead roses
pencils and pens cross in and out
a little emptied out honey jar
filled with all my train tickets
my bracelets laying on the floor
except for the blue one my wrist
it never comes off
my camera lays beside the camera beg
drawings on the wall
and my hats on top of each other
and my sweaters all over the place
vinyl album covers
of the Beatles and Pink Floyd

My mom calls it a mess
i call it
me...

11th month

November2013:
November 1st
We sat on a river bank
the rocks around us built so you could sit
My friend Jack looked at me with his green eyes
"this your first  time right?"
i nodded as i dug my heels in the sand and rocks
"you'll take the first hit"
he handed over the pipe
and lit it for me
I inhaled and i felt the smoke filling my lungs
filling my brain
the air escaped  my nose and teeth
and i felt my  eye lids being pulled down
and my heart beating fast
a smile grew on my face
Jack and i laughed till we dropped
She was still in my head...

The rest of november is a blur
i remember i was dancing
and singing, blasting the music in my house
resting,writing poetry,biking at night
filling my lungs with smoke
and dreaming

the days started to get colder
and more winter
christmas carols came on the intercome
and tv specials, getting you excited
I would still see Kirsten
We would just smiled as we passed each other
everything changed
She told me she started liking someone new
I told her i did to
i really didn't...

one day i took the train with my friends
and got off the station alone
it was cold and snow started to fill our streets
i walked down the stairs
And ran into a friend
her name was Lola
She looked up to me
and i to her
we were happy  to see each other
i told her how my year was going so far
and she told me she was enjoying her year
We hugged and said goodbye
we started talking everyday after that
She started to like me a lot
I liked her...

Days were passing fast
Kirsten still at the back of my head
the cold was getting colder
and was freezing me to bone
i turned up my radio
and dreamed away,
Jack told me he wanted to start a band
i was excited

November 30th
I met a girl named Emma
.....

I miss those days

i really do

you know those days

the sunset clouds
streching arcross the sky sea
the color of peach
and bleeding strawberrys
the crying blueberry clouds
the bright blue  sky pushing it away
all in the horizon
it almost looked a forest fire

We sat under it all
the fallen yellow leaves
flying on the air
and landing on our head
stickling to our hair

those fall days
i miss them

the smell of your skin
still rests on my nose
giving my mind ecstacy

You came over
slept in my arms
kissed my cheek
smiled softly

" you okay? do you need something, some water?"

you replyed softly

" I'm good''

and dug your head into my chest

the moon shining through the window

we stared at it
and you gripped my hand
kissed my neck
and fell asleep

So you saw me dancing on thin ice
As moon applauded me
and only me
ohhh
The stars are loving
the starts are laughing
looking down the world
looking on down me
and i'm shaking my head
to see my heart beat, was beating for the wrong one
------------------
youre falling,slipping, crying,sinking
wishing that you brought me down with you
youre shaking,lying,running,screaming
and i'm sitting down on this wooden chair
playing cards cards with your mind
confuzing you

and i'm crowing out my lungs
playing cards with your mind
confuzing you
-----------------
now the shortest day of winter
ate away the sun
tripping on you
and now am telling you
i'm dancing
As the words
slip your mind
making your lips dry
--------

youre falling
youre falling
youre falling
youre falling
youre falling

Playing cards with your mind
confuzing you...

the sound of the trumpet

off in the distance

puts my brain to my sleep

and i fall into a  deep dream sleep

Dooooooooooooo
Dododooooooo

You gave me that cold look
on the night of the summers end
and i lost all thought
confuzed like a child on a foggy day
but melting with happiness
slipping through the problems
that dont ohld me back
no more no more

Did you hear me?
I'm over
Did you hear me?
i'm done hearing your voice
Did you hear me?
i'm floating on like a feather
that fell off a wise bird wings drifting the skys
Did you hear me?
I'm done

So my walked around last night
passed through the old road
we used to run on
a paper layed on the ground
picked it up and unfolded it
and i see youve been talking behind my back
Telling lies about me
thats leaving a sour feeling in your tongue
said you never hurt me
i guess thats lie
you told me so i could  trust you
Goodbye goodbye

I'm driking tea with friends
and laughing at the good moments
feeling my heart is numb
maybe am ready to fly

Telling the sun to bleed
upon my head
so i could sleep
in your arms
waiting to dream
with  your cold breath
crossing my hair
and your frail fingers
hold me in closer
to your body

10th month

October 2013:
I went to the cafe
with my best friend Becca
she ordered something to eat
i ordered a tea
i told my adventures with kirsten so far
to all of it she answered
" You two together yet?"
i replyed
" no not yet, i hope soon."
a couple of days after she told
me she just wanted to be friends
i was sad and all, but i was fine with it
She came over my house one morning
we watched a movie
"Love story"
after we went to my room i showed her my poetry
and climbed on the bed and held hands
We went outside
and biked around for awhile
it was like a movie.

the week to come
we had another night advenutre
it was cold that night
but we ran a lot
sat on a river bank
listened to music
and ran off into a golfcourse
near a pond
we threw our glowsticks in
and layed in the grass
ran through sprinklers
and laughed

Fall was starting to make more of an opening
more cold
more colors were breaking in
me and my friend janessa rode the train
one afternoon before thanksgiving
up and down the town we went
enjoying every moment

thanksgiving came
and kirsten came over my house
she kissed me
and we spent the night
in eacothers arms
We enjoyed it
so we did it a couple of more times
after that night
i remember waking ine morning
with her lip marks on my neck

the last week of october
came around the corner,
Kirsten once again told me
she  did not want to be with me
just friends
i accepted it,though i did not want to
i could do nothing
my words were nothing
we spent  five days together
i like to refer to them
" the last five days of friendship"
after those five days
something went wrong
and we barely spoke anymore

it snowed terribly
before Halloween
Otober advenures ended
and ****** november came

Today
was an
adventure
today
was beautiful
today
felt like a beautifully written book
under the hand of a poet
today my day
felt like  the morning birds resting  in my eyes
felt like the grass taking apart my bones
throwing them to the sky
so i could fall into the clouds
Today my day
my beautfiul day was taken with photographs
and my day took a shape
of a tea and  a cold smoothie
and i felt cool down my throat
the beautiful taste, it had

I can simply say
"Today was ******* beautiful"

9th month

September2013:
blue skys
warm air
at night it would go cold
the autumn leaves slowly started to fall
still rained from the summer
and the cold wind
started to chill us to the bone

On the first week
i walked to my friends house
with Zoe and her french exchange student Elise on my side,
we waked into Zoes house and sat in the kitchen
Elise had an apple with peanut butter
Me and Zoe  Had Soup
We walked after to a little River bank,
Elise sat on the rocks
i skipped flat rocks like Amelie Poulain
Zoe took picutres of the river.
We found a ripped dollar bill with a phone number written on it
Zoe texted it, no answer
it rained later that evening
i reasted on my bed and thought about the day
with a smile

i Biked to my favorite field
one evening...
recited a poem i made up in my head
the one line that i repeted was
" Will the love of Fall and Winter choose me this year?"
a week later a girl named Kirsten walked into my life
with a smile and wave, i wanted to meet her
we talked one day and planned to go to my favorite field
on a Friday..Friday the 13th..not so unlucky
though i cut myself shaving
i went to go meet her that friday
i walked down the stairs
there she was at the bottom of the stair case
"What will become of us?"i thought
She facing the other way,
i wondered if we would become friends
I tapped her on the shoulder
turned around with a surpised look
then she gave me a warm smile
We went to the field
sat in a childrens park
Then sat in the grass that melted in the sun
i showed her a leaf that looked like a heart
..i kept it under my hat...
i walked her home, she lived close by
i gave her a hug and left with a smile on my face
Got home and put the heart leaf on my wall

We became friends
Talked everyday
i would walk her home
and meet her in the field
as i came in riding my bike
She kissed me before i left...

I started to fancy  her
she to started fancy me
I asked if she would be mine
she told me wait
i said " i will!"

Nights came
when we walked around looking the stars and  looking at the city lights
laying the grass and runnning around
we were happy
The night was ours
She kissed me goodnight
i went home
fell upon my flower my bed
and dreamed of her...

love

you

deeply

D
e
e
p
l
y

.
..
.
..
.
.
.
..
.
.I love you..

7th

July2013:
July...i went for a bike ride
in the sun...and i felt
weak.
weak...
I got sick
i coughed and coughed
my bones feeling weak
i just stayed in the darkness of my room
watching movies
of love...

i felt better
and i went to the middle of town
with my lovely sister
came back home
from the sun
and i got more sick
so i took that month to be dead in my own brain
and played games
and dreaming of biking soon

By the end i felt better
back to my self
and i saw my friend janessa in the mall
she was appyling for a job
so we sat down and we talked
and laugh
just old times
it was very nice

i went back home and slept
and july was gone

my skin has been dripping from my pillow
to the wood gaps on my floors
the sun creeping through my curtain
my room is dark a bit of shine comes in
and rests upon my tanned skin
and fingers are floating
the music is honey to my brain
i think of you in the deepness of my coffee
i see you glimmering
smiling me that smile
you have
i wanna  laugh with you
right now
and let the clouds become  a place
of pure numbess
in your trembling in your arms

uggg i have words now
now i have them in my mouth
oh i wanna say it!
MAYBE it will change your mind
about choosing me
MAYBE it will make you come back?
I HAVE words now
leaking at my **** tongue
"am i beautiful?"
YES you are
you
but how do you want me to describe
your golden brown hair resting your rosemerry cheek
and how do i decribe the way your  upper lip is could pale
and your bottom lip rose pink!
and the way your upper lip rests sofly upon your bottom lip
HOW do i decribe
these words
that taste like honey
because there are sweet, my words
" this song is amazing!"
no its not!
it is something more
how do i describe the way a certain  beat reminds  me  of your beating heart
upon my chest
how do i describe the way it makes my heart
and my bones dance
HOW
oh i have words now
of my problems
how do i scream them out
so evertthing will be better
and my  happy parts
how do i laugh them out
for they are gorogeus!

OH I HAVE WORDS NOW
clinging on my teeth pouring off my tongue
I HAVE WORDS NOW
and i dont know how to say them...

i still want

your flower
body

will you
let me have it

one more time

i have this pain in my neck,

you see, i have it since fall started

its my constant reminder
that my mind still lingers
on the skinny splinter
of you...

the trail thats on  the map of my past
keeps going back around

theres no  road out...
there really isn't
i've tried
i have failed

6th month

June2013:
Broke in with a crazy  light
that came from the sun

June...
Melted my brain
and the last of my personality
as i started my regular routine of biking
around the city

summer! was coming
oh i was excited

oh...it started raining
to much
the river started raising
and reached  the bridges
all the houses that we at the end of the hill
got flooded
My city was in a worry state
it rained for two days straight
then  the sun came out
and looked like nothing ever happened in my city

i saw my friend janessa
and we sat in a childs park in a green field
and we talked about the plans we had for the summer
we laughed
and spend 20 mins eating goldfish crackers
or her trying to feed me one...

i walked home from the train
one day
with a smile on my face
through my favorite field
and i thought to myself

"oh i cant wait too see what this summer holds for me"

youre so silent

i hate that...

I took a sip of my coffee

and i thought to myself

"i wonder what her lips taste like now"

Laughter broke from our withered lips
and tears broke from our sleepless eyes
the window letting the december air
dance with our december smoke
that filled the room we sat in happily
listening to records
that played from a musical needle
which seemed to be playing forever
We smiled at each other
enjoying our friendly company
we played super mario world
taking turns
finding every level hard

We sat in room
with a wooden floor
and green and white walls

with laughter pouring out from our lungs
and happy running through our veins

enjoying the  december smoke
filling our lungs

Tell me your thoughts
of the deadly winter
and i'll"will say
"come under the covers with me
and follow my steps"
even though oh
my steps are faulty
i'll lead you the best way i can ohh

oh with these snowy flakes
take me away
with your -40 kisses
so we can freeze this moment time

OH OH Ohhhh
I'll tell you dear
my thoughts on the deadly winter

and you will say

"good, cause all i wanna do is sleep by your side
as the world freezes outside"

4th month

April 2013:

The month of my birthday came around
and i was looking forward to the day i turned a year older
My good friend started dating this one girl
and thats all he talked about,drove me insane
but he was happy and i was happy for him
I wrote a lot of poetry
of my confused state that month.
and continues making music with my friends
Warm weather was pearing over the hills.

The day of my birthday came,
my buddy came over and we walked around the mall
with a small keyboard we bought at a second hand store

He talked about his girl
and i shooked my head
and smiled.

3rd month

March 2013:
The snow melted
and the sun came out
the winter was slowly  turning away,
but the snow didnt leave.
the beginging of march
is snowed like it would in december
the cars wouldnt move
nobody would go out.
My poor mother still went to work that day
and car was buried under snow
my mother had to dig it out,
her bones cant take it anymore...

The snow melted days later
and i made music with my friends
i met this girl Alicia
we became friends, i never saw her again

Spring break came
and the girl from the past came up to me and asked me
"Do you hate me?!"
i was silent i didnt know what to repond
"...I used to, i no longer do. Its dumb to keep hating someone for the past"

"sorr-"

"dont apologize,its over anyway"

we smiled
and we became close friends.

I sat there
My head against the table
My hand up against my heart
It was beating really fast
I looked around
And everyone was looking at me with smiles
I'd say something
And they would laugh
My head hit the table as I laughed with them
They tried asking me question
I just laughed at the questions
They would laugh with me

We were laughing like stars
At night

2nd month

Feburary 2013:

1st month

Janurary 2013:

Snowing like hell, and the cold still eating out my bones
I still lingered on a bit of sadness, of the past
But i was better.
My best friend tried to **** himself
i said to him "Dont to that man!"
he apologized and said he never do it again
"You better not! now lets play some games, you idiot."
i smiled
he smiled and sat his in chair and i sat in mine.
I got a new haircut
with the sides of my head shaved
i looked like a mushroom
i liked it, wondered if it changed the thoughts of people bout me.
She still talked to me, though  i didnt want to talk to her , i did
she made me mad , but i wasnt dwelling in the past.

Why are you so distant from the earth

i can't  reach you anymore

and pull you in close to me

oh ohhh oh

snowing on the hearts of love

were did it all go

those shivers
of octobers fall
oh oh ohhh

slipped away
like the rain
off my tanned skin
Gone
like  the summers ray
never did i
feel so alive
oh oh ooo

driving down the night
smiling like the moon
thought i  was better
but am just rushing time

gotta sit back
and see the worlds fumes
pass on by

oh boy

walking in the rain
and i felt my bones growing old
with each drop
witch each step
and the piano plays in my head
oh it plays
just reminding me
when i used to run
instead of crawl
all i wanna do is grab my rope
tie it around the moon
fly around world
so that my eyes fill with its beauty
like the notes of the saxophone
on that night,chilling night
were i saw you sitting in the cafe
drinking out of that cup
and you looked down that cup
looking for something important
maybe you were looking for me?
hoping you saw my reflextion wither delicately
you didn't know i stood outside, as the snow
took me away
with the notes repeating in my head
and my eyes flew
and i run through these woods avoiding
those traps i might fall down
pretending i need to go somewhere
well i kinda do
i just wanna scream in a group of people
out to the stars
NA NANANA NANA NAA
and the stars would come and fall asleep on our cold hearts
dancing with those smiles
of raspberry memories
laughing at our jokes
we end up crying
you'll be watching from your window
wondering why why why
oh i'll just watch smile on by
with  my cold fingers leaving marks in the air
traveling through my hair

oh man
"just fall asleep in the grass"
they said

i put on a big smile
and fell back

My heart went in a flurry

when you looked up...

-Yeah.I still do...

i simply dont know

whats going on

with all this cold

it seems to half frozen my emotion
in one stage

frozen my  way of thinking
and it cant thaw

am still there
in that state

i simply
cannot seem
to be thawing
no matter what


******...

My  days are a blurr
My feeling is gone
Am floating on clouds
flying
through the water of the clouds
My brain laughs
My eyes cry
my teeth  stick out more an ever
i Don't know were i went
I dont know were am going
Am forgetting all as the seconds pass
I dance all out
no caring what the birds think
i sing aloud
not caring what the gods think
burning the floor with my feet
i dont care
i dont care
come to me
and tell me you hate me
i would laugh
i would laugh
the whole night long

It seemed to have
cooled down your head


all those times

we spent
running  through the clouds
at night

laughing
laying near a pond

looking the infinit stars

as our bones
melted in the green grass

the day turned into honey
my lungs filled with its sweet taste

and my heart beat fell
i couldnt see around myself

i am stuck...
stuck...
on your skin

the taste doesnt leave the back of my mouth
and thickness doent leave my eyes

wash me down
wash me down

now...
your maple honey skin
is drowning me

my brain is laughing
and i am triping the light fantastic
and i wish you trip the light fantastic with me
but i saw you grooving  with another man
...to bad i guess
i'll just dance under this light
that keeps me moving

To all this rust
we just need to adjust

You know!
that i want to hold you flower  body
on this winter bed
and melt
into this earth's skin
never to wake up

the wind blew sofly
and the snow felled quietly
the trees dipped in snow
and the sky's body is filled with grey
the snow covered the green field
buried those green memories

i stood there
stiff as hell
the cold probably reached my bones

The cold plastic of the headphones dug into my ears
and the music played loud as hell

♪On a thousand islands in the sea
I see a thousand people just like me♪

in the faint distant i hear the snow being compacted
under her feet as she walks away

♪Take me away everyone
When it hurts thou♪

my hands curled into a fist
frusterated by her thoughts
filled  with uncertainty...

♪From my head to my toes
From the words in the book
I see a vision that would bring me luck
From my head to my toes
To my teeth, through my nose
You get these words wrong ♪

Angered with the thought
that the winters chill
freezed her heart

♪ Everytime
You get these words wrong
I just smile ♪

i Turn around quickly
and i see her  walking away
looking at the clouds
as her arms are crossed
her hands holding her arms

♪For these last few days leave me alone♪

i yelled at her
"HEY!"
she stops
but doesn't look back

♪Leave me Alone♪

i smile really big
smiled with madness
"**** you, for making my head
hit the clouds!"
she turns back to look at me
but i was gone
far away
i was gone

♪intrumental♪

lost lost lost lost
am i actually lost?
lost in the world i am
and hell im enjoying it
running through these foggy parks
not knowing were am going
what am going to run to'

MY head is
lost in this lust of the world

my eyes
my eyes
fell into the
dew of the morning
and now
feel me
falling out
falling out
of this sticky honey
i got into

oh oh
oh oh
ran into
this forest

and now am running on sea
...

into the sea we go
swim all the way to the bottom
until we find the ocean in us
ohh ohh ohh

now tell now tell
were does the time go when your
head hits the clouds
WHOA
i took a bit of you
and you took a bit of me
i guess we all ******

oh oh oh oh
grass skin grows on my bones
and am growing out of this winter
running with the air that intangles me

now am flying
flying
oh oh oh oh
looking
finding
the way i should hold your heart
in my eyes

oh oh now tell me
tell me
tell me
were did the time go
when my head hit the clouds
in early september?!

oh its a shame

how all the fun i had with
thou

does not mean a thing
anymore

oh its shame...

oh are you happy
with these memories
are you

oh its shame...

how we both
forgot the meaning
of all those moment

and now our eyes
are filled
confusion or hate

these words that beat from my heart
that go up in rush
and break when they hit my teeth
its cause of you...
i dont know how to...
talk.

its  not cause your beautiful
but you know you are
and its not cause of your smile
but you know you have a great one

its cause of your eyes
i dont how to...
get through the judgmentel look
you permently have

now my words are used for me
to build my confidence
and tell you how what i want to do
but my words
that fill my blood
and leak out like a waterfall
dont mean a thing
cause i am back from were i started

from my heart to my mouth and your ears
you'll never understand these words...
so i just smile...
and leave...

Goodbye now
Goodbye now