I woke up
the sun softly breaking through
resting on the wall,
i left my radio on
playing songs and songs
that i love
my hair is glued to my forehead
i feel it scratching against my skin
i look around piles of clothes
laying on the corner of my bed
empty bowls of  cheerio cereal
my guitars laying up against a wall
one that is laying on the floor
two burnt matches on the floor
a poorly painted zebra mask
and a yellow leaf that fell from its place
a lot of dried pieces fell off the dead leaf,
old VHS tapes against the wall
***** dancing,breakfest club,ferris bueller , blues brothers
so much more
books piled in each other
dorian grey,to **** a mockingbird, a farewell to arms
i'm missing two books
i lent them to my friend
red ink from a pen on the floor
i had to keep the guitar cord at a certain bend to it would amplify
it gave in and exploded
a green paint mark on my wall
and a cut out mustache
an old keyboard of the 80's
sometimes it turns on sometimes it doesn't
notebooks of poems
and boxes of drawing i did when i was younger
a big jar with two dead roses
pencils and pens cross in and out
a little emptied out honey jar
filled with all my train tickets
my bracelets laying on the floor
except for the blue one my wrist
it never comes off
my camera lays beside the camera beg
drawings on the wall
and my hats on top of each other
and my sweaters all over the place
vinyl album covers
of the Beatles and Pink Floyd

My mom calls it a mess
i call it
me...

11th month

November2013:
November 1st
We sat on a river bank
the rocks around us built so you could sit
My friend Jack looked at me with his green eyes
"this your first  time right?"
i nodded as i dug my heels in the sand and rocks
"you'll take the first hit"
he handed over the pipe
and lit it for me
I inhaled and i felt the smoke filling my lungs
filling my brain
the air escaped  my nose and teeth
and i felt my  eye lids being pulled down
and my heart beating fast
a smile grew on my face
Jack and i laughed till we dropped
She was still in my head...

The rest of november is a blur
i remember i was dancing
and singing, blasting the music in my house
resting,writing poetry,biking at night
filling my lungs with smoke
and dreaming

the days started to get colder
and more winter
christmas carols came on the intercome
and tv specials, getting you excited
I would still see Kirsten
We would just smiled as we passed each other
everything changed
She told me she started liking someone new
I told her i did to
i really didn't...

one day i took the train with my friends
and got off the station alone
it was cold and snow started to fill our streets
i walked down the stairs
And ran into a friend
her name was Lola
She looked up to me
and i to her
we were happy  to see each other
i told her how my year was going so far
and she told me she was enjoying her year
We hugged and said goodbye
we started talking everyday after that
She started to like me a lot
I liked her...

Days were passing fast
Kirsten still at the back of my head
the cold was getting colder
and was freezing me to bone
i turned up my radio
and dreamed away,
Jack told me he wanted to start a band
i was excited

November 30th
I met a girl named Emma
.....

I miss those days

i really do

you know those days

the sunset clouds
streching arcross the sky sea
the color of peach
and bleeding strawberrys
the crying blueberry clouds
the bright blue  sky pushing it away
all in the horizon
it almost looked a forest fire

We sat under it all
the fallen yellow leaves
flying on the air
and landing on our head
stickling to our hair

those fall days
i miss them

the smell of your skin
still rests on my nose
giving my mind ecstacy

You came over
slept in my arms
kissed my cheek
smiled softly

" you okay? do you need something, some water?"

you replyed softly

" I'm good''

and dug your head into my chest

the moon shining through the window

we stared at it
and you gripped my hand
kissed my neck
and fell asleep

So you saw me dancing on thin ice
As moon applauded me
and only me
ohhh
The stars are loving
the starts are laughing
looking down the world
looking on down me
and i'm shaking my head
to see my heart beat, was beating for the wrong one
------------------
youre falling,slipping, crying,sinking
wishing that you brought me down with you
youre shaking,lying,running,screaming
and i'm sitting down on this wooden chair
playing cards cards with your mind
confuzing you

and i'm crowing out my lungs
playing cards with your mind
confuzing you
-----------------
now the shortest day of winter
ate away the sun
tripping on you
and now am telling you
i'm dancing
As the words
slip your mind
making your lips dry
--------

youre falling
youre falling
youre falling
youre falling
youre falling

Playing cards with your mind
confuzing you...

the sound of the trumpet

off in the distance

puts my brain to my sleep

and i fall into a  deep dream sleep

Dooooooooooooo
Dododooooooo