Being
separated, fragmented
split and broken
disassembled
With new Joy
rejoined
now elevated
and being now
is a new Being
being
Bestirred...

You said you knew the truth for me
And whispered it on the breeze
You opened up your heart to me
Then pushed me to my knees
You painted out a world for us
Full of sun and smiles
Then you put your words into reverse
and back-tracked several miles
You promised eternal friendship
Beyond all other ties
Your open mouth let snakes fall out
The serpents of your lies
I sent my dove over blackened seas
Olive branch in beak
You turned your back and walked away
So, which one of us is weak?

You're not running through the airport
You're not dashing through the rain
Two weeks from now, I am sure
My life will be the same
You're not pledging to go with me
I didn't have you at hello
You're not waiting on my doorstep
Or finding me somewhere we know
You're not turning your car around
Or calling my name out in a crowd
You can't even realise you need me
Or say it to me out loud
You're not banging on the glass
Or writing me a song
It's f*cking hard to admit it
But I guess I had you wrong.

Call a                          doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is               broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is                   worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to              **** myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you         leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you                return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never                   forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need                        closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your                           face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is                                so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your                           ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me      great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will                           miss you/ **** you/ stalk you forever
That way we can      be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry                   you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to               pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't               leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call

(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)

in the shutter of my camera.
in all the worn holes in my cardigans.
in the smell of your cooking.
in the sound of cutting strawberries.
in the turning pages of all the anthologies.
in the broken windows.
in the crumbled sheets.
in all the songs I hear.
in the place where you used to sleep.

Things were just on the other side of the fence.
the perspective of the other side of the bus
he walked out the door and she was left with her thoughts
the sun lit up realization as it fell upon my face
focus on my reflection and let everything beyond blur
her body is slowly giving up on her
cold sandbox love
little Hannah drawing on the walls with green and red crayon
purple marker masterpieces of a two and a half year old
the economy falls,,,,into the hand of a homeless man screaming "Away Spirit" but we keep on walking
the ***** you chased with coca-cola at your best friends birthday party made you see how controlled you were with a blank mind and a laughing mouth, how you seemed to float along down the skinny hallway but somehow slam the door. the opposite of the lightweights laying on the orange **** carpet.
telephone pole shadows.
those dull blue eyes
biting lips till they bleed to relieve the pent up anxiety
not understanding how people can be satisfied and contented with the monotonous routines.

If you think this might be about you, please, don't stop reading.
Though I might not know you yet I have probably encountered you before.
We probably avoided colliding but secretly we wanted to. Maybe you are one of the boys on the bus who, for a sixteenth of a second makes my heart pound and my fingertips go numb, hoping that you'd notice me.

I want you to play your tongue across the piano keys of my teeth.
I want us to sing the themes of Pucchini operas while we make rainy Sunday pancakes.
I want to walk with you through the vineyards of your homeland.
Let me take the weight of your world and put it somewhere beneath my shoulders,
for me to carry with me.
I will never use us in the past tense.
We will never look sad in photographs
and our airmail correspondances will be kept in floral boxes and hidden
for one of our daughters to discover.
Our love will be in the brushstrokes of Signac and Monet.

We will discover that the island of Hawaii
is like the excess emotions of the world
that have congealed out of the earth
to be comforted by the rocking waves.
The sunsets hearts of the people will welcome us.
On the black earth
they walk
their hands filled with sun bleached coral stones.
And they spell out messages and write out the names of the ones they love
so even God can read what's in their hearts.

And when the world takes you from me
which it undoubtably will
I will scatter your ashes in the places we have walked.
along the vineyard trails
and the mountain peaks
and in the deepest oceans we crossed for one another
I will let go of you
let you leave my hands on the winds that rush through Death Valley
while I drive along the same highway
that we carved together.
And I will return to the island of Hawaii
carrying white stones to write out your name
for God to read.