Music is my Muse
From the funky jazz tempo
To the sounds of salsa
From the classical rock
To the alternative basses
From the Opera Lady's bellow
To the Tenors solo
From the 80's slow jamz
To them 50's swinging bands,
To them country folk songs
To those old folks blues
Music is my Muse,
My inspiration,
Being Black&Puerto; Rican
I- A NuYorican,
I've heard the best tunes,
Bahchata's & Merengue,
Bailes La Cumbias,
Like Macr Anthony &
oh how he sang to me,

My wanting
to rock with you like
Micheal Jackson-
To Vanilla's
Ice Ice Baby,
It's yo thang do what you wanna do,
Candy coated Rain drops
By Soul For Real,
& When will I see you Again-
Babyface
Until I muse
in my amusement
When Tim McGraw  
Sanged don't take the girl,
Reba "Asking Does
He love me like
he's been loving YOU",
To its my prerogative
Like Bobbi Brown said,
Let not for get
Johnny Cash,
Or what About them
O'Jays
Yeah my muse is musical-
Music and thinking artfully
coincides with one another,
with breathing and  eating
Rhyme & Rhythm linguistics
even as we walk down the street
or cruising
while jamming in ya car,
LL Cool J said Cars drive
by with the booming Systems-
AH Push it was
My jam back in the day
R&B; Was mostly what I liked
But growing Up
I started listening to
Rock & Hip Hop,
Got drunk off those sweet
Monster Ballads
while Making love
to Sade,
Sung All Cried Out
at my graduation party,
Tony Toni Tone
Made Us-FEEL GOOD YEAH
at all them block parties
back in NYC,
Now
I listen to everything
going on 33
heard it through the grape vine
that YOU share
a likeness in this Musing?
Music is My Muse.
Always Me Ayeshah

Your
touching me again ,
doing
that thing you do when your
wanting me ,

Come here
and
let me subtract
thoughts
from your mind ,
Make it reality,

Come here
and
hold me,
let me
caress you
touch you
and
feel you all
over me,

Your
doing it again,
licking your lips
and
making me
want to bite
you,
lick you in the spots that i know
will
melt the core
of you,

leave you
panting and breathing
for more
of me,

Lay down
and
let me sweet talk
my lips around
you

Taste
you and feel
you,
as
69 becomes us,

Ecstasy
controlling & empowering
us to join as one
start a new chemical reaction
a
Meltdown
With
waves in the sheet
as

Our
Bodies
transform
like the sound of an
Atomic Bomb
and
**** near ***'bust with
the elements
of lust,

The shear heat ignites us
and
blows us
into
*******
rapture

Intensifying
the realms
of
This bedroom,
We 're
Bored
no longer,

Leave
the sign on the
door...,
It Reads:
Do Not enter...,

I fly higher and higher
and
come away sedated!
Now
I SLEEP!
Always me Ayeshah

Like a moth to a flame,
I keep coming back to You,
Like a
***** in heat
I lift my tail to your flesh,
I can smell you a mile away ,
on any given day..,
I don't even like you,
Don't
want to do
the things we do....
the hurt you cause me
and the lies you give,,
The promises all broken
like my cheek with ya fist..,
The mistrust
I know so well as you Yell,
while the words you say..,
send me, condemning me to hell,
This is whats given to me yet
still can't seem to let you go,
Let you be
even when you make a fool of me,
Why am I
still here
still around you,
Why am I this way..
holding on to you
Even when i say we're through
It's over I say ..,
Then I cling to you..,
The closer you get
it seems the further you push me away,
I run in opposite directions
trying to fight the traffic
you brought in my life..,
The fist the kicks and slaps  
Broken ribs..,
All coming my way ,
We're scared ,
Afraid to stay or go,
stuck in the middle ,
Running in circles...,
Trying
to get back past lives....,
The word's once said
wasn't truly  give
in ,
To what I let you do to me,
miss use me and bruise me..,
Even when our bodies
Touch I feel  nor felt
no lust
I don't even let you  too close to me ..,
I can't think and can't be who I want to be..
You only gave me part of yourself
put half of you in to this ..,
and now I can't  live with out it,
I had to stop you ,
before
never mind that NOW..,
You're tearing me up even more,
I'm like  
a flower to water  drinking you into me ..,
The potions
you seeping in me
the lies and greed,
just to control me mold me into
what you seek..,
Living for a taste of the freedom
I had before I knew you,
But I don't let you go ,
can't let you leave,
See I got so used to
the way you treat me,
I don't even love you
Nor ever liked you,
The control I give to you
I ask myself who are you ,
who am I
And
why did I let you
take me as you did ..,
control me
with sweet word's
but never
truly giving in to anything.,
Beautiful you said..,
When I know I could do better,
Why do I stay in your presences
When you make me sick..,
Real love don't hurt like this.
But the Pleasure & Pain
Are so meshed to together
That I can't control my feelings
there out of my grasps ,
YET
I'm not revealing  how you upset my life,
I don't like you nor do I want you
This control you got over me ,
I can't believe..,
I let you in to my mind
To find the weakness in me and do all these
things to me,
I know I'm better than what your giving
SO
Why do I take so much from you
all that you do,
What's keeping me here...,
I know its not fear,
For Death
comes to us all and
if it's my time to fall so be it,
let me Fall, God have mercy on me,
for give me for all my transgression
AND I KNOW
MY LIFE LESSONS.
******* ,
You win,
But from what
I been seeing and reading ,
I know know what it is ,
This **** you got me twisted in!
Its a CYCLE
And I'm in
REPEAT
or so you may think..,
The CYCLE of you:
ABUSE!
(To those who have been in it
or going
Thur it;
you can over
come anything -
I did!)
Always me Ayeshah

He Fights to be the Provider,
Hiding the Pain he Sometimes feels,
Trying to be your Healer,When you both have to seal -Deals ...
In life that give way to many...
Mistakes, He lifts you up when your feeling down,
Holding all he feels deep, Down,
Worries about what you don't have while trying
to make you Laugh,
Sometimes Sitting  up, Late at night thinking
of another way to give everything
Helping you
Through the old wounds of pain caused by another Mans
Abuse,un truths or lies you never forgave,
Taking blame even thou its not in him to hurt
this presious women,
To him You are everything,
Asking Nothing of himself,
When your in pain he leands the help,
taking all your worries away
Pain Skecthed on his face,
You dont Notice, your too stuck in your own
Turmoils, You dont think..., What dose he need,
A Mans Struggles
Is beyound us,We only know what we WANT, As Women
Some of Us don't trust enough or care long as we
Get OUR share..,
We aruge with him,
Fight and fuss,
Making it harder on him to just be a Man
His Struggles,
Not to mention The Father or daddy to some of our kids,
Even when their not even his,We burend you with our self
conclusions and confusions, Make you Pay Everyday
for something you didnt do or Never Could..
Mistreatment is evident as
We give to him
Our own Abuse ...Words Hurt him too,
Even thou he Holds it ALL in
As Girls, Ladies and Women,We concurred you,
With looks of our own Deceptions and lie to get you in our web,
Black Widows Grasping at you, laying you on the plater not really
knowing what "lies" Ahead,
Not All Women but Many of THEM...,
Taking him from Man to the Beast paying for
The ******* by other old peeps family
or the Other Ex's
Not leaving Room for him to be Next,
Or The Best...,
**** His Struggles and let him deal with mines,
Let him see me as I want him to,
his girl we say, His Lady, His wife,
His Baby Momma
With all the strife and Drama,
Causing him to be Not Man but less of Him,
Make him the Next Abuser,
No its not Right but
hey Thats life,
or THE Way you want it to be..
You wanted more of his time,
stopped him from making a Dime or paper,
To Recreate him
Not in God's Image but as You want it..,
Women Listen...
He's
Giving all he can, Working Paying bills..,
In the street or 9to 5 ...,
Doing anything to let You get by,
THIS MAN STRUGGLES.
Yeah he gets a little satisfaction
from all that he's done to just put
that Smile on your face ...,
See his kids say
Hey my Daddys great,
But Given His Struggles His way of doing things..,
its time to sit and think
what it means to be a MAN,  Be Men....,
A Mans Struggle's
We dont talk much about...,ONLY what he do "WRONG"
or what he's NOT willing to Do for you,
You Complain
About what's NOT Given  or  
NOT done (done/doing RIGHT) whats not yours
or what He DONE gone in did AGAIN & AGAIN...
This Song Continues,
And now hes got your Tune Stuck in his Head,
Negatives not Words of Encouragement,
NO  Praises and Thanks for helping Rasie these bad as kids ...,
Putting food and gifts & Roof over ya Heads,
Saving up, time to spend and taking work off...not that its a cost
YOUR willing to make
( cuz Some just Aren't Going to Take it/US Women)
or to even say THANKS,
Some Of us Women just dont Get it,
Can't Say all Women but
I know Plenty of THEM,
Not willing to take his place on any given DAY...
Making him..,
Not a man but worse than sin, taking away his "self"
Esteem and the MAN you ONCE Fell in love with,
is No longer him,
Changing him Again til he's unreal...
Saying "I do" just to Get his Dibbs,
Saying "I love you" just to pay a bill,
STOP WORRYING
ABOUT WHEN HIS NEXT PAY IS,
OR IS HE GOING TO BE THE NEXT
to do what the Ex's did to you...,
ABUSE YOU,
THINK OF THE ....
Love he's giving..,
You as a women and for
giving the realationship a chance,
Wow to just be a ma!,
HIS STRUGGLES,
GOT ME IN a TRANSITION OF FEELING HIM
AND LISTENING TO ALL YOU MEN!...
I  Apologies if this Was ever me
(I bet I did it too acted petty and lost a good Man,)
I AM THANKFUL AND YOUR HEAVEN SENT.
AGAIN TO ALL THE GREAT MEN...
To all you Wonderful MEN...I say AGAIN TY...
I know some of the ****
your in and I feel your pain at times Too,EVEN
if I don't ALWAY Understand You,
Even when I'm Yappying my Mouth...,
Talking a bunch of ****,
I give Thanks to you,
all you men For DEALING with it!
Hench I dedicate this
to You Men
Cuz I can only Guess About.....
A MAN'S STRUGGLES!!!
Always Me Ayeshah

Abstract love's &
( "Lover's" )
like abstract art-

You see what you want to see
Believe what your gonna believe

I've shared my linguistic
knowledge & observations
too many time to count.
Trying to help & wok this out

Begrudgingly l held onto
this imprisonment called
"loving".

Let it stain & detain me,

Overpower myself & my thinking....
Even allowing this

Abstraction to consume my very soul

The every essence of what I once "was"

My dysfunctional state's
isn't no longer in question...

After the mistreatment(s)
I know there's nothing left.

Suicides a gift- my anchor  
It's my only way out of this-
Abstract "Love"!

Always Me Ayeshah

I tasted desire when I wanted to taste love,
I tasted lust when I wanted  to have fulfillment
I supped on false kisses that left me yearning for
way more than the physical .

I craved lust when what I really wanted was love,
Settled for second best instead of waiting for number one.

Games played ain't fun when I'm letting myself lose.
How do I trust again with so much doubt,
What I thought wasn't real was and now I'm drowning
in regrets!

I tasted you & her too
When it should of been just US,
I felt your body shake while
"Truth" be told I thought of someone else.
Replaced you but never replaced the image of "him".

Tasting never  savoring
or being genuinely full,
2 course meals ain't good for my health
sipping but never drunk off your love.
You me was never as us we just pretended to be.

My plates empty and his loves the main course
yet I find myself  more times than not
asking for 5 dollar meals,
Something to just tide me over until
I can savor him,
Something to fill me up temporarily,
Sort of like Chinese food...

That being said,
Well I can't dine here any more,
I'm rarely  or hardly full
Your skill leave much to be
un'desired and it rarely satisfies,

So I must now ask for the check
pay my balance and leave your mundane -
mediocre Establishment
&
Hell Naw
I ain't gonna Leave No tip! Wait yes I am
here it is;
The next time you think your doing ****
& can compare or compete  
with another
Baby PLEASE
Think AGAIN!
Always Me Ayeshah

The Morning After,
ya lips touched mine,
the smell of  us from last night
the way you made my body shake,
I wake up in a state of sedated bliss,

Completely
oblivious to what's going on
around me
I find you nestled in the crook of
my arms holding on to me ,

loooking at  you,
looking so peaceful
and yeah
you should be
cuz you worked my body
like I always dream
and I can't say I blame you
cuz I gave the same to you,

I licked you and kissed you til you
begged me to stop
and as drops of you left my mouth
I let you cover me again
and repeat the steps as
we danced in the sheets,

Magically pounding me
yet so gentle
as you move into me
with me

Our bodies
flowing with the rhythm
and moving to the same tune,
I like what we did,
I cant lie
I loved it,
I didn't want to stop
couldn't get enough..,

but as we lay here  
whispering and giggling  
joking  about this blissful enconter..

I think again it's time you go
I dont want you to
but
He's coming home and
I know it's killing you to leave
but

We'll always have these memories
of the night before
and Today.....
The Morning After!
Always Me Ayeshah,

I lay here staring at my ceiling,
Thinking what have I done?
Could I really let this happen?
To me to us?
You made me cry not purposely
it just happened sort of like us.
Tears keep falling
as I listen to myself and while you also talk.
I'm a mess and there's no way to fix me.
You tore me apart  as
You've shattered my heart,
I want to be everything to you
like you are to me,
I want you to never  
let me go and keep me in your arms,
with you is where I belong.
Yet You've left me in tears as
I realize what this is between us  isn't fair,
its not right
but its
OK no matter long as  you stay,
don't go because then you take away
all that we are all that we've become.
Papi
I know I can have anyone
but the one person I want is you,
It wasn't your fault.
I guess it was me,
No I'm sure it's because of me.
See I know our love can't be forced
& what happen to us wasn't by choice,
we meet at the wrong time  
and at the wrong place
but look how much better we are because of it.
This  that we now share.
Perhaps we weren't meant to be yeah right that's  such a cliche,
Because we are meant to be,
like when God mad Eve for Adam,
She invented me for you,
I'm your rib papi,
I'm your mate for life our souls have be in contact
even before you or I ever laid  our eyes  on the other.
It still doesn't seem to help,
Because I know that no matter how this story unfolds
we have to think of  what's best for everyone involved
and right now I'm being selfish
and You even said
"Baby your not making  sense".
I know I'm not.
That's the other part of  my problem,
since I fell for you the way
I did nothing makes any sense.
Now that I know you  love me
I don't want to loose it,
The love that we have.
Your a great man,
A wonderful friend.
What do I do with out all that we once shared?
I try so hard and for so long now
I've fought myself
and to me my thinking's all wrong.
I say let it end
because with this situation there's
no one that's gonna win.
There is no positive out come in this.
You say it wont last this pain  
I placed my self in.
I tried  over and over to close my heart,
but again  I fall so got **** hard,
what have you done to me
because for some reason
my heart won't let go
& my mind just keep holding on to.
My soul wont let me be,
and my spirit screams your name
as tears fall down my face.
I've tried more than
once to get over you
but you unintentionally
make it so hard.
I thought love was joy
but I've got nothing to gain
**** that I have everything to loose.
For now it's  just sorrows,
tears and more pain as day by day
I see the changes in me the way we used to be.
I open my heart to you,
So un-use to a Man like you,
I am still willing to make a mends
and take that chance with you.
*** if only you knew,
But will you ever truly know,
Can't you guess
I'm a wreck with or without You
and its ME not you that doing all of this,
I play mind tricks with
myself because I'm scared,
I'm affaid to even give more of me away,
Yet I give unconditionally to you,
even when I try so hard not to.
See for me the the day the pain started was when
reality came knocking.
It was the day I realized,
How important you are
and what it really means
not to have you in my life.
it truly scares the hell outta me
to think or even come close to believe that
I'LL NEVER BE WITH YOU AGAIN!
And that's
Something I just can't live with.
(so I wont.)
Always Me Ayeshah

I'm laying in my tub
full of bubbles and bath salt,
relaxing as the music plays,
I'm letting my mind drift away,
I need to forget.
Regain what's left of me,
My sanity's
in question
and
I know your wondering,
Guessing
did You just get the best of me.
(?)
You had all of me
and
now what's left of me is to be here in this world,
without a life line.
I will survive yet that's all I'll be doing  is surviving,
not even really living.
Going day by day without letting my emotions show,
I rather be a hollow shell,
and
As my life goes on- on and my story  for "Tales",
You'll hear She was a good woman
She put everything into her kids,
She was
copacetic and had so much  love to give,
She was like her Grand mama,
Un be knowing to anyone,
When You left-  I died inside.
I carried on like nothing was wrong,
I acted like
everything was cool,
laughing smiling too,
Yeah- you know how I do,
But
no one notice the light that died in my eyes,
The sparkle that went out
when you took my heart away,
No one will see my pain because,
I'll play brave and put on my poker face,
I'll hang out with friends
and
pretend.
Answer back even when
I don't want to be in their mix.
Even when
I'm asked question's
I'll give all the right answers.
While I cry mentally inside.
I'll go out and shake my *** get another's number
knowing I'll never call.
I'll work my *** off for a little while longer,
reinvent myself and try to some how become stronger,
over come you and this creeping pain you left me feelin,
This ache  you've caused me ....,
I'm laying in my tub,
Bubble bath all around me & bath salt too.
The waters over flowing.
My mind draws a blank
and
the pill bottle's now empty-
falls outta my hand.
I was thinking,
I could live with out you...,
That was until the pills
Kicked In!
Always Me Ayeshah

Umm, Ahhh ooooO Uh-Ohhh

AaHhHhHhH

YESssss,

ummmm,

whispering whimpers,

longing cravings

skin to skin

Arms wrapped in braided tangles

brown on light brown

lips open

Tongues dancing in & out,

out & in thrusting hard,

powerful masculine

sweat mixed with lovely scents

Rushing fast catching the beat,

rhythmic pulsations tingling

Dancing out slowly

in again deeper

anger pain

hurting yearning,

Heart beats  tuned as one

cries rant the night

fading fading

floating higher,

Nails digging in lines

on lines as sweat & blood mingled

Push pound more

more & more

Deeper harder

filling up

over flowing consuming

lovers lust,

Stop, pause

Breath

legs shaking eyes wide open

stolen dreams

realities fantasies

Rays of morning light shine within

dawns breaking

Start over repeat , drifting fast to sleep

Dewy kisses on eyelids

forehead mouths & cheeks,

Caressing bodies

melt away

Ummmmm

Uhm

oooOoo YyyeEesssss Ohhh AHHH

Mmmmm,

Lust felt Love(rs)!

Always Me Ayeshah

It's over now, It's so hard  to think of You,
Must be good for you cuz now you're able to do what ever you want, be with them other women.

I'd stab you if I'd never get caught, Like how I caught you. I'd run a sworded tip right through your lying self,

Poke you right where ya heart should be but I doubt it you have one, I think you have psychopathic behavior and if you don't understand let me clarify it NOW;
"
A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse."

That's what you didn't have for me-  remorse or  empathy, you must have some kind of personality disorder to treat me so negatively, I'd get over it easily if  it was so simple,

Knowing that soon I'll breed your children makes me even more mad, makes me afraid to be with out you even knowing what I already do.

But I gotta shake you off,
get you outta  my head,my house & bed,
See you know your a good lover
but it's just not enough
and if it was just your ***

well I can get that from the next,
Like you said can't no one do me like you,
And your right
I don't think anyone else can
lie & mistreat me or ever cheat on me  

Hell naw not like you did,
Right under my radar,
You where so slick with your deception's,

So cool while be confronted
and held your ground until you
heard she too was carry your child.
haa haa haa Your gonna Pay Now!
one way or another

You'll pay and I ain't got to do a **** thang!
well I do have to finally find the courage to
Leave Yo *** !
Always Me Ayeshah

I thought of you today,
I didn't want to,
Do you know why?
after the rain comes the sun
but it's still raining since you've reveled your true colors,
still storming like my insides and my feeling,
I watched you sleep again,
I looked at your angelic face and thought of all this pain
you've caused.  How can I still love you,
Funny I hate you too,
I want you then again I don't.
But I can't loose, it's become like a game and I'm out to win,
my vendetta's to cause you pain.  Pain worst then you've caused me,
But while I watch you sleep  
I think of what we shared last night,
I think of how you cried and apologized.  
How you came to bed on your knees,
The way you held me, Aided me in my pain-  the pain you caused me to feel.
Thinking on how you caressed  and loved me most of the night,
how you kissed me all over,
I felt the ice chip a little from my heart,  but not enough to give up my revenge.  An old friend  called today asking to out to lunch, I say sure why not  thinking of I could just get  you off my mind.  
Jumped in the shower & left.
I felt good and brand new, like a new woman.  
I met him at Chilli's. He pulled out my chair  and had already order my favorite;  
Mozzarella sticks.  I order a Margarita and we talked for awhile  as he looked into my eyes  I thought maybe just maybe I'd extract my revenge on you  with him.  I know he wants to be with me but is it fair for me  to use a good friend like him.  
Making him pay for what you did o me?  
Naw I think not,  not when I can just leave you alone and make him king of my throne.
Not when for all this time that  I've know him he's been nothing but good and a true friend.
You slept and I crept back in but not before  He left me with a kiss on my lips, I thought "WOW" he still wants me and just maybe -maybe
I should give you up and stick with him. But I'd never get with anyone on the rebound, I rather leave things as they are. Meaning at this point I wont let you go  I also wont be really holding on,
Not after what You've done to me, How can I forget so easily You've been with someone else
,You confessed your love to another, You've lied and deceived me,
Hurting the only one whose been there for you  even when your own family wouldn't.
You know as well as me that if it wasn't for me  
You'd be out on the streets, You'd be left homeless and hungry,  But not I'm homeless too now metaphorically speaking ,
Truth be told this house is no longer a home.  
I don't know what to do,
As I go walking I'm still left..........
So Confused.
Always Me Ayeshah

Fidelity vows were broken,
Stolen moments kept disclosed
thinking no one would get hurt,
No one would ever know,
calling out to her as you lay sleeping
in my bed-Day dreaming of her in my home!

Words said to a would be Mistress's.
"I Love You more than You'll ever know"
Whats left for me then huh?
these scars this un-mended pain?
how can this broken heart mend?

You didn't or wasn't really willing to try
to identify or understand me
or this pain you caused inside.
Your insecurity  from you misdeed
got you trying to turn it all around,
Pointing fingers & blaming me
when you know & knew I did nothing
wrong.

Check out your own history &
your present behavior,
You had me thinking I was insane.
You & I been betrayed in the past
But I believed you,

When you said this
we shared was different,
you never hurt me like that way.

I'm more than qualified to help
you through anything
Been all that you wanted,needed,

But not this, not when
you lied then tried to hide,
Covered up like national security.
I admit we had unresolved issues,
nothing we couldn't have worked through,

You could of been honest, confronted me.
Talked & worked on us.

You tried so hard to justify your lies,
try to make excuse,

Reasoning your deceit
dictate & make it my fault...
Chemistry between us
was beyond anything
I've had before,

You let  your greed destroy us.
It's like you spiritual dumped
hydrochloric acid on me,
my love for you & my feelings.


I never once controlled you,
never tried to use
or ever tired to manipulate you,

As you emailed text talked & wrote,
You insulted our relationship,
my trust and love for you.

Broke your vows,
Your promises went astray.
my love for you
was almost equivalent
of the love I had for my children,
my daddy & grandparents.

There wasn't nothing
I wouldn't of done for you.
It's to late to apologize,
to late for forgiveness,
I told you Begged you to
come clean,
over & over
I said baby let's talk,

YOU had your chances-

You refused
and now I refuse to ever
be with you after all this.
Never Ever Again!

Always Me Ayeshah

Excuses & Reasons
sound like the same things
while your
compounding your lies after
trying to hide your deceit.

Conceited just a bit maybe
of late since
You're finally got me fooled,
had me stupidified,
Regrets comforting
knowingly- knowing you
but not really knowing
you at all huh?

All I hear is what you consider "truths",
Was it good,
They way you played me?

Playing around with my heart from the start,
Was because the other girl(s) said NO?

I didn't know it
but my time with you
was about to run out,

As I was getting the run around
You were laughing at me behind my back,
Stabbing me metaphorically.

I never knew how bad your need was,
to be loved not by only one
but by many,
I feel so unsure,

How can we began
when your not even letting me in,

How can you say lets start over
when over & over You lied,

Looking me right in the eyes,
face to face as you
completely use your
reasons & excuses,

There's no need
No use for a YOU & ME.

There's No more US.
You had your fun
but Now your times up,

You had the chance after chance
to come clean but like I
told you
Your can save your
Reasons & All of your Excuses
I'm too Through!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

Hypothetically
Would you take ya time to get to know me ,
hold me and teach me the ways of your body,
let me get to be all that you dreamed,
ya
ever waken wish and fantasy's,

Hypothetically
Could I be the one that changed
ya life
made you think twice,
must be nice to be on the outside looking in,
Wishing as hard as
I can to be the one you call ,
****
Can't you see me standing here,
waiting to dry all
your tears,
caress you after dark,
make you say my name ,

Hypothetically
Could you look at me
like that,
make
me smile right back ,
touch you like no other
& take you as more than my lover,
feel the rain falling on us
as we made love
in a heated rush,
Listen to your heart beat
as you fall fast asleep,

Hypothetically
walk with you & talk with you
listen to your heart ache your problems ,
your desires and
things that others can't see,
Could
you let me in even
just for a tiny bit ,
let me see whats it is that's
got me doing flips,
making me want you so badly
and
thinking of you constantly,
missing you when
I can't see you or touch you,
I want to hug you,
rub you and love you,
Couldn't
you
understand me
or the pain
ya causing me
cuz
your not here with me,
What
Would
you do if I told you
I know you more
than you think
I do,
If I could conceal
all that you went
through
so you wouldn't
have to show and prove,
Couldn't
you put up a
front and
act like your
in love with me too,
See
I been where
you been
a time or too
but
if only you knew..,
even thou I
asked

You all this,
What would you say
and do,
If
I meant it all this
in stead
of asking you
Hypothetically
????
(some times you just need to know!)
ALWAYS ME
AYESHAH
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

I listen for so long at what
TV, Radio & what other people said.
Advertisements, Magazines,
Books on how to loose weight,
Other ways & things to make myself look
pretty.  Pity-Petty me,
Trying to dress like
Celebrities,
Trying so **** hard to fit in & be like those
Models & some of them one hit wonders...
even starting to think there
was something wrong with my skin.
Too dark for many
and yet I have this red hue kind of glow,
White teeth but so UN perfect to me.
Hour glass shape I hated it,
Big strong thighs that just didn't look right,
Truth be told for a while I used to like me
until I started becoming self-sabotaging .
Thinking I could get him or just be happy doing
what all the other girls & women did,
Oh how I wanted to be anyone else
other than myself.
Long curly- unruly hair,
***** some would say
but back then
I'd have it no other way,
Afro puffs, braids,
beads,
Styles that made people question me.
Relaxing, burning&straighting; my hair
To look like Halley Berry  
How she looked in that movie
QUEEN.
I guess.
Making me feel so unPretty,
You sorry lil freak in
the mirror looking right back at me,
My grapefruits sit high-up on myself,  
They perk up and smile at me
in my state of  undress,
Some where some how along the way
I started hating them & their shape,
Wanted bigger even though I'm  38C.
Why? I really don't know...
I guess it all started
way back when;
I was just blooming
into a young lady,
Finding ones self.,
When I started to hate being me;
Foster father told me
I need to eat less,
Only Black/Puerto Rican
with dark skin in
a all White School.
Went onto visit family during this time
and got picked on
at home because
most of my families skins was so light,
Abusive relationships unbeknown at the time
had me feeling like I could never get it right,
Doing what ever "He" He  "Him" liked,
which is also what
helped take away any concept of self.
Went through the toughest 15 yrs of my life,
Married young to a
Man whose opinion
matter more then Mines.
Finally hit 23, Divorced & Free,
A light came on bright as the Sun...
I had to figure out who
I was when everyone told me
I was Ugly,Worthless & Dumb.
See eventually you reach that exhaustion.  
You take a really good look in the mirror,
Seeing me for me what hard facing reality...
I have almond shaped cat like eyes,
Brown hair with auburn highlights,
Full lips that most people pay to have
and I ain't never had to inject rat poison
into any parts of my FAT,
It's at this point where
I had to decide at this crossroad
which route I'd take.
Most would choose defeat but I had my little girls,
I couldn't accept them ever looking
at me as someone who gave up.
I had to figure out how to love myself  all over again
Be comfortable with who I am.
It takes many a lifetime sometimes to
finally come to this conclusion.
But for others like me,
It's really like building or rebuilding a puzzle,
The Puzzle Of You!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

He Don't
want me but he loves to **** me , cover it up with words of love, Words &promises;, like I'll do better& we can start again.Sorry.

He Don't
want me but as I grow and my body swells I laugh within myself,I lead my self down this destructive road knowingly, given in to my own self needs, My want to be happy wasn't meant to be hiss imprisonment, The words thou the Way he said em ,The ways he feed them in to me,Left me feeling Unique,Special,Like a Queen, & him then The king of all kings,  His subjects groveling at his feet.

He Don't want me
and no matter how much I want to do this all over again Knowing the results in the end is already evidently clear, I wont win,Not him,He's not up for grabs, not a treat to be had, Just the trick-ster playing on my lonely heart,  When it comes to the Man I want yeah He came real close ,closer then most for me to still be dwelling on past Re living it as I see myself leaving in stead of spreading wide for him..

He Don't want me
No matter what we say or do, I know this to  already be true, like the declaration's and amendments set forth for something better, protection was better,
How funny I'm the only one paying the price in this life time, Man Oh Man I can count past my hands how many times I heard "girl you know I only want you" or "be my wifey"
& lets not for get he says over & over again "I'll take care of you".
Funny the caring and all the rest  He's said to the lil' no ones- like me plus that wifey thing He's been spitting to them other Chicks he calls queen,
I've now seen him with  so many, So many times since claiming me His queen
& its been long since know that He Don't want me.
So I'll LEAVE!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

Can you feel the resonance throbbing gently through this subtle discourse?
I constantly  find your lustful innuendo to be an incredibly pleasurable experience. Like your a magical lyricist.., Your words urge  to create masterful *******'s through laced pages with in me you bring out the artistic'ness hidden deep with in me.  
Rhymes and rhythmic vibrations build up until finally they gush forth with musical symbols, A stream of  lyrics resounds in & out of  my orchestra,
While we attempt to concentrate on our next  feature.
You have me unable to distinguish the next verse for our repetition's, Artfully your lyrics coincide with my own causing phrases to be come literate and a **** good read, Flowing melodies,
While you impregnate my text with all your, your lyrical kiss&naughtiness.;
Filling up my syllable's,Reconstructing my vocabulary.
Our rhyme is  basic element that defines the couplet, LOL Coupling as  we do.
Our consistent element is the repetition of form,
As in me and you forming as one Not in-difference to you ,
Just with small changes,
in your  technique
As we face off while playing out these scene,
Your persistence of  our sonnet reverberates like multicultural dance,
I'm competitive while feeling in awe of you. Your sweet tunes ripple down my spine,
while our word play
brings havoc to my mind. Like a chant or a sweet harmonies.
Causing mental eruption's. Conversing about to end,
tactically you evoke emotional & sensual response, But I'm
keeping up with your lyrical  flow. Rhyme for rhyme,
as each adjective courses through me, in and out while you become a
cunning linguist
master!, I'm about to overflow as you
Cause me to rhythmically fall victim to
insightful
Poems!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

HAVE YOU EVER;
Listen to the sound of his heart beating,
Ba bump Ba bump Ba bump...ETC,  

A rhythm you can get use to, Have you ever;  looked deep into his eye's
and lost yourself,  Ever felt his touch and ya body just melts,
Ever listen to his voice and your heart vibrates,
you turn 10 shades of red when caught staring at his lips,


Ever laid with him and never wanted it to end,
The physical out weighted the mental..,
Ever  felt filled and complete, not knowing if this was it,
The end to your loneliness..,  

I think of Him often&I; don't mean to, Ever have a conversation that leaves you questioning  what's life really worth,  Even thou your on ya way to greatness his presences is blessing Yet cursing  since your falling apart,  His essences is treasured,  His words manifested into you like breathing.., You come out of a dream state,Longing;  wishing&waiting;,   The next time it wont be like this,  You think;You got to get a grip and let time heal this blessed wound,He create a monster yup honey its me...,  

Ever want to be near him yet you know you can't,
Ever wanted to hold on to him and give all you had,
take care of him..,  Like no other can, Thoughts of him fill your head and,  take up your time,  Ever been at work and he popped up in your mind,  Thoughts of the last time he was in your bed,
Is this lust?    Is it love,  To want to let him be free if that's what makes him happy,  

To want the best for him yet you want to be next to him..,  To want more for him  even if it isn't you he's getting  it on with but there's so much more to give,your not ready for this..,    Yet some how as confused as you are,
You want to be his number 1 star  (his Fan all wrapped up in 1),   Even if it's not you He's been missing,  Wishing,

Wondering if your even what he needs,   Doubting the beauty you shared was it real or was it again another dream,  Perfection in the art form of Man (HIM)  The man you think you want, You know you had him but let him go,  Not In the sad way just closed the chapter and went ahead to the end.

I want to start the page's over and began anew again,  Take HIM on a journey to explore the possibility's,
We could of been & BE-A you and me,   Scared to take that leap but wanting too so badly.., Have you even EVER been where I am,  Have you even or ever seen what I see, I'm hurting for release and the only freedom  I get is letting you be,Funny..,  

Alone but not lonely kind of a malevolence dream,   maybe..., Have you ever; felt like me?   Felt like this, Am I to give in as my body did, HIS touch and the way HE makes me feel it's unreal,  Like a painting the artist has made & built me up to greatness like I did him  but now he's so high up, I can't even reach him,  I can't touch this beautiful art form  Know as MAN..,  His struggles..,  I can some times relate to  but to do like him and give  Unconditionally,  I would if only I knew,  The pain I see him in sometimes got me wondering...,  

Questioning myself,  Shouldn't I let him love me as best he can, I can't   Confusions setting in.   Been thinking of him again.
******..,  The strength in him I want to conjure&concur; it.., Make him weep with joy, I have to let go release my burden and let him go..,But is he the burden,  Not really, Not to me,   it's the pain of knowing him as my lover&friend;, I want more yet His hurt isn't healing, His pains are raw & deep, I can give all that he wanted but whats gonna happen to me.., I might suffer greatly if I let him in,

This struggles for this man wont end & I can't be what he wants I can only be me,   But as much as he like and loves me for me is that what it really is I question again not only myself but this  thing that I'm in, with him.., I'm right for him but I'm not, Have you ever felt like this?   Dealt with it and owned up to it,  I'm a woman trapped in his web yet there's no other place I rather be, I ask you lust or love;  Have you ever been this confused ?   Yeah me too Cuz nothing I'm saying is making sense well I think only to me it is ...,   Ladies, Fellas.....,
Have you Ever?
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

I'll never love like
I used to LOVE him,
But You knew that,
Didn't You,

Cuz love comes in different
shades of purple's pink's& blue's
Chance's are
I'll never care like

I once did,

Again

You knew that too.
Chance's are
I'll never trust completely
Let me guess umm

YUP

you also knew that?
Chance's are

I'll cry again OR I'll smile again,
I'll live like I did before you or him came in to my Life.
I'll try once more to find my soul mate,

But
Chance's are
Nothing will ever be the Same,
Not with out You,

Not with out Us,
Chance's are

we're stuck right here.
With one another,
Is it so bad
Or do you like it this way.
Am

I your everything

your Nubian Queen
Chance's are
I'm nothing You thought I'd be,

I'm a lady yet Crazy,
You see how I do,
But

Chances are
your already Immune.
Chance's are,
Your not ready

Maybe It's me,
Maybe I'm too scared and scary to be,
More than what

He made me,
Yes I am ashamed,
I let him take away my greatness

And steal away my fame
Made me think
I wanted this for myself,
But
Chance's are

Your gonna help-
Me to change

for the better,
Let me lean on you in this weather,
Let me hold you as you hold me,

Sweet talks,
While shedding our grief.
Chance's are

Your gonna keep
your word un-like Him
Sorry there's

no Comparisons
Chance's are,
You'll claim everything,
Even the seed's of another man's

See now that's what I call a MAN.
The one's who really
love and want that

Woman
and

what ever comes with HER.
Chance's are,
You could be fooling me
but

in time I'll know and I'll see.
Chance's are
I might just be using you,
But for what Boo,

Trust in us cuz,
I now got you too.
Chance's are,
I'll RUN from you,
Too Infected& Effect

From what others used to do,
I might blame you too
For the mess they caused me,
Chance's are
I'm doing this

ALREADY?
Chance's are
I'll let you go too soon

and

miss You the most
Cuz

the love you give to me

WAS

unconditional!,
Even your touche's

were

HEAVENLY

From head to toe!
Chance's are,
I'll beg and plead for your heart
Just to get it and tear it all apart.

With every thing in life thou ain't
It worth the risk cuz
Chance's are
I wont do none of

THIS,
I might just love you for you

like you'll do for me,
I might just give into you

in your time of need,
I might just hold you

and

play with your hair
Maybe braid it or what ever

cuz it's there!
I might just let you heal me til I hurt No Mo,
Even claim

YOUR OWN seed's as my OWN!
I might shut the HELL up and let you win A fight,

Maybe just to have make up *** on Winters cold nights!
I might just be everything your looking for huh?
Maybe cuz you know
Chances Are
Abundant...,

To be right there
NO MATTER WHAT
I wouldn't care.
I might carry you to victory,
We might find pleasure in enjoying the little things,

We might make this a lasting thing.
Something to tell OUR grand kids.
You never know and that's the beauty of it
We still try and even thou LOVE hurts,
How do you KNOW

tomorrow will bring rain or sorrow?
Maybe the sun will Rise  AGAIN

And

you'll fall in love with me.
Take a chance on me cuz ,

Chance's ARE....,

(whatever WE make them!)
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

I'm Painting The Silence.
As you dwell in forgotten bliss,
You don't like for me to be happy,
Sadness is what you want be.
I'm Alone but happy.
Glowing from the inside out
and
Ya now mad cuz your not the cause,
Maybe even mad
cuz
I wont allow myself to hurt no more,
I am LOVED,
Isn't it amazing when you brought despair
I found a replacement.
I gave to myself what you was never willing to do,
I found in life Love really does choose you,
Mad aren't you that
You can't hold a GOOD Chick down.
Clown me and always let me down.
It's OK now cuz I'm going to  be
Painting The Silence.
I'm a do bright reds,
pretty blues, purples too,
maybe even some pink...,
I need to do something different
like Janet in Poetic Justice;
I changed my color of clothes
which helped to change all my negative mood.
Changed how I felt about you too.
I now where yellows,
Whites what ever I like,
What pleases me  is me being me ,
Something you try to change.
I'm a be,
Painting The Silence with laughter,
in lime green,
With hugs in tidies.
My kisses now come in  sweet coffee  browns
don't forget,
off white creme
and
strawberries red love
dripping with whipped creme,
Champagne colored glasses
all around
cuz
my frown is now turned upside down.
I can see it clearly now,
Like I never could before You
and
Yes I'm blessed a whole lot more than you'd ever know!
I'm a enjoy my life
Be free and live right
Thanks for the fun time
but
I want more than a lover,
I want it all and
as I now walk with my shoulders back
my head held high,
walking tall again.
Smiling for nothing or just for everything,
I think In your absence and in this  
Painted Silence,
I'm gonna make up for lost time.
I'm going to go out on the town,
Paint it  
Yellow or green while rocking stiletto's
while I have the chance &
**** Man
I can really see all the better reasons,
The world is my canvas
and I'm now gonna be
Painting The Silence
(you thought to leave me in)
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

Molesting Innocent's
Taking
advantage of young un-suspected victims,
****** away hope,
Beating out trust as
"they"
tell you it's all for your own good.
The System
Verbally sales you,
Mentally
making you believe thing's aren't
really what they seem.
Hey pretty girl,
You
want to come home with me,
Like
stranger's using Candy,
Creeping in the middle of the night
stealing away dreams,
Snatching babies outta arms
For not being what "they"
want you to be.
Jumping through hoops
to prove your worthy.
The System cover up lies,
Disguised
Your Shame
It's not "their fault for you
becoming pregnant at 10,12 & 13.
Abortion isn't in my beliefs,
Forcing us,  Breaking us, Making us do what "They want!
Telling Lies while Judges become your executioners
Fostering empathy's,
Making you live in misery
Parents- Grandparent's
Crying Screaming,
Dreaming of they days you'll be back.
Depressions, PTSD, Bipolar
Explosive disorders
Meaning a person gets angry fast
with no reason or for the littlest of things....,
Label's
from Misuse,
Misrepresentation's
Misuse of my or even your body,
******, Molesting, Physical, Mental,
The System
took me from a Exceptional-Good home,
Placing me
with Monster;
Who called themselves: wholesome,
loving- Good- God fearing Church goers;
Foster Parents.
A Preacher  
phrasing the almighty book,
every Sunday
While every night
He'd say I was better then his wife,
As
my eye's cried,
Hoarsely I beg him to stop.
Case-Worker & The Systems
cover up.
From home to home
Group home to group
I'd run as fast as I can,
To  my
own family even thou
We were  broker then sin
at least I was so safe there.
Repeat & repeat these step every chance
I'd get & still they'd  Placed me in home's
until
I got old enough to make it on my own.
Even then The System wouldn't let me be,
See I knew "their" ***** deed,
All the well kept secrets....
unfortunately for me,
16 going on 17 mother already of 2 while
expecting another lil girl,
The System tryna step in once again,
Robbing me of my Children,
Their
words: labeling me,
I'm tooo crazy to love or ever be a mother.
I'm not doing what "They " want....
I had it,
Life was it for me,
I wanted to commit Suicide
I just couldn't thou & Lucky for me
cuz
I Finally found away out at 18.
Got my kids- Sued & Beat
The System!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Pesent Day(s)
All right reserved

A  rare breed in deed.,
Handsome, strong and true,
Your romanticism(s)
have many guessing or left in  
awe as well as wonderment.
How
You were created,
in such a way as to leave
Women of all sizes and ages
drugged on your ***** words,
As they salivated over each syllable,
each phrase,
what ever lyric & note you present,
So masterfully into your intellectual verses,
Their begging  
for mental release many are begging for you
to consume their baser needs,
In the end the results the same.
Competitions and playing games,
While many of them do this
I'm
sitting back with a grin,
Seizing opportunities
instead of battling for you.
Getting to the root and core,
adding up the possibility's & taking score.
keeping my dignity in tack but like most,
I'm extremely fascinated with you,
Your aura compels me as you put a spell on me.
Like them
Females begging for a treat,
Yet the difference is
I keep it held deep inside.
Not showing my feeling
Leaving them so blatantly open.
Never wishing to come second so I stay where I am,
While longing for you from a distance's
Keeping up this friendly appearance.
My soul begs too,
For you to write about  me talk about  
me,confess your dying love for only me,
Reality is you don't know I exist,
As a friend you see me
but
I'm more like the buddy you see once in a blue moon.
Such a rare Man,
A rare species.
Successfully you've heighten,
Your lyrical accomplishment(s)
setting goals in motion as if your words
were your shaft  
emotionally making love,  
not just words and your objectives necessary,
To achieve a particular task,
I've realize a particular dream or to satisfy
a particular need & want,
for a particular period of time obviously
I read you sort of well
but only time will now
Tell- the truth but for me this is all I need,.
For now
I've surmised the realness in
and
about you and to me it's more then cool
cuz
I see this as another interlude of&about; you,
The you
I've been wanting to get next to and that's another story since
I'm trying to get close to you make you feel as I do and have you see the bounties of being wit me.  For now
This is  me looking forward to finding  
out more about you
so I can add it  in my little notes...,
Toward A Definition of You!
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

.....
I woke this morning
feeling not
like I did last night.


Last night


I felt something touch my
heart,


deep down to my very soul,



causing my spirit to
question what it too started to feel.


You've captivated me,



How did I lose track of what's
important?


Never can


I Say I played so falsely  
with someones better half,


but now


He's the better half of me,



Unlike a concubine or wife



I- as his mistress



have no


legal rights & relationship
to this man



I call mines.


It was fine,


Now I'm conflicted,
tormented,



I regret nothing then again it's
a lie
I regret he's not fully in my life.


A little bit of me dies away
leaving an empty shell,


Where I was once lived hearty
and well,


Now


With out him is something I
might have to face,


It's like I'm racing trying to
beat time,


while trying
to


continuously make him mines,
make
him realize


He needs me by his side.



How do I
compete


Yeah he says


I'll never have to,



Funny


thou
I feel as if I am
and
been doing so.


I got to give up and let nature
take its course.


Every-time


we're together our love making
gets better and better,


He never has to direct me nor I
him,


It's like we were meant, made
for one another


yet
here I am not his girl just
his lover.


I feel sadden when we
part,


Like he's taking away my heart.



I know when he's
home,


Oh how


I hope
it's about the
children and not "her" his babies mom.


But I'd be fool in thinking she
wasn't getting everything like me,


I'd be fool in wishing that
she'd leave,


She knows what a great man
she's
got
even if all she may ever be is just good enough.
While He professes I'm his greatest love,
He says
I'm his true love.
I doubt  his words& my guiltys setting in.


We conversed on so many levels
sharing more than what's ******


Yet I feel at times like he's
evasive,


Avoiding questions,
Changing
things,
Pleasing me isn't the problem.


It's when I'm not around
him,


I want to monopolize
all his
time
when he's not with the children or his
"wife"


I want him to give her up
but
How
can I say I had enough,
When in reality,


We just began to love- each
other,


I wonder would
he,


Tell her he's loving me,
Would
he speak on how he's in love with me?
Would he let her know


He's for now going to keep
seeing me,


Being with me?
Would he let
her know all the thing's we

DO?


Tell her how I move to his
groove,


Let her know
I'm important too,
to him,


I'm more than a friend?
Even
if


she doesn't ask will he man up
and let her know all
that?


Tell her


He's got deeper feelings and



that


"YES"


what we me and him have does
mean something?
Or


will he keep hiding me,
denying
me,


Make up
excuses for what we be
****?
I wounder  


if she knows


who I am
at times
cuz
I think no women is
stupid,


or so naive.


I'm sure she
guesses


but does she
question?


Why am I so fascinated with
her.


Because


She has everything I
want


and


at this point I find it ****
near impossible to keep holding on.


No strings my *** I'm wrapping
ropes around Him ,


Yeah
You.


I love more than the
physical,


I like our
talks,


Love when  we go walking
hand&han;;,


To a movie or 2
wouldn't be bad
again,


Out to eat and I love how you
hold me as I fall asleep,


I love how You kiss my eyelids
& how you wipe away my  tears,


As well as when you rock me
slowly to your body,


Letting me run my nails all
over you,


I crave more
thou.


That's where all my problems
come into light.
I can't settle for being second
I have to say Good-Bye
& Do
Something So
Completely
DIFFERENT!
Always Me Ayeshah
©1977-2010 Ayeshah
(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights
reserved

I'm the Afrocentric Gift
you been waiting and dying to open ..,
Christmas came Early just for you this year,
I'm the Thoughts in ya head,
Mind blowing the
Essences of Sexuality,
Wisdom,
Knowledge
and a
multitude of Feminine Power,
Prowling and
Roaring for your affection,
I'm every Women,
Just not to night
I don't want to share,
Be my one & only..,
I am the
Architects building
the bridges back to ya heart,
My Prominent Black African King,
Mr.**** as ya wanna be..,
I Dreamed of this many times at night & also for some weeks,
Thoughts of you Thought of us become " We"
Teaming up and Doing
What lovers do,
But
I want more,
I want your heart too,
I see it in you,
the artist ;Your words caressing me,
Like painting and drawing,I'm just one of your sculptures..,
But
I'm the centerpiece of this mental non-nocturnal dream,
Your the
Author writing a great masterpiece only I'm the Main character...,
Chapter one we began slowly as our bodies
mesh&entwined...;,
Can you distinguishes between Fantasy,
I'm here and these feelings are real.
Lust so passionate you'd think you
conjured me up from your imagination.,
I'm un reasonable when it comes to you,
I want to give you unquestionable pleasure.
Be the Concubine you desire & you shouldn't have to wait,
Not tonight anyways.,
Come here and let me show you,
Be mines....,
Sacrifice yourself,
Be my love salve and come away with me..,
I want to give you this
Delicious yet delicate sweet
Afrocentric Gift!
Speak into me poetically,
Mentally blowing my mind ,
touching with words as you hurt me gently
Yet pleasing my body..
take me
cuz
right now
I'm for the taking,
I'm ready and waiting,
open me,
for
tonight I'll be your
Latin mist
You Puerto Rican *** ,
Come get drunk off my love,
Let me sooth you
and
caress you into submission.
Take what's been given.
This Mix, and blend it with you ,
dance to my song
as
I open for you.
I'm ready and willing
to be what you want me to be.
Give
me pleasure
release the yearning
deep with in me...
I'm yours ya Afrocentric Gift!
Always me Ayeshah
Copyrights © 1977-2010 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.

Why do I answer or even text,
Why do I pay any attention to you at all?
Must be the way you talk or how you write,
must be I'm loosing my mind,
"I love you" ,
YOU
keep saying,
But
if this is love then please take it away,
I don't want to feel a thing,
In time I know in time
I'll heal,
start to feel again,
Start to live again but right now,
Right now I just can't.
Can't seem to make it,
can't seem to take it,
Can't strive for better,
But I smile to myself,
for the memories.
I need to do this,
and
On my own for now  or until eternity
If that's what it takes for me to find  
a semblances of peace.
I know you say it's killing you
cuz
I moved away,

But it was
killing me to stay,
I had to let go
and
be as free from you
as I could be,
I loved you and was there,
In love but was it real?
Still love you and that's what scares
the hell out of me,
Cuz
You've always be free
unlike me,
I still even now wont talk to anyone
and
still wont let anyone
touch what
I still consider yours.

You love me thou huh?
Funny thing about that word
love,
I can't say it wasn't
but
If this is
Love,
I no longer want it.
I no longer want to hold my pillow tight and cry for you,
No longer do I want to wake up reaching out for you,
No longer do I want to carry your seed,
No longer do I want these hurtful memories,
How do I let go,
Tell me?
If it's so easy
How
about you show me,
Prove it!
You said you'd never hurt me,
Never let me go,
You said I was yours,
Your world,
You lady,
Your Queen,
So who
wears the crown now,
Who'll
hold you down when your tormented and
Your own demon's
come kicking and screaming??
You gave me your world ,
Forever & never,
I guess
"Never"
was the other day,
But wait
you fail to see or understand,
You
can't take back what's been done,
My Yesterday's
will forever be like foot prints in the sand,
Naw
like footprints forever in concrete,
You were my happy ending,
Tragically
for me it ended not as planned,
It's what's best you say
I gave you too much advise
and
Now look at me,
Look really hard & good,
Can you get glue,
nail's and a bunch of other stuff,
Rebuild what you broke,
Open up and sew up my soul,
Mend this broken heart
and
recapture what onces was,
give back to my eyes that held you captivated,
that special spark?

Look at me now
and
You'll
see someone so completely different!
So unlike me
am I now,
easily I smiled,
My eyes lite up when You or anyone talked,
You could tell my thoughts,
Friends read me some times like a book,
You claimed
it was all in my eyes which never lied,
You said this and so many things,
Like You knew you were in love with me,
You knew I was forever yours,
Always would We be like we once was,
You never promised but I wish now that
You would of
cuz
Promises
are meant to be Broken,
Like my heart has been by only you,
I would say many but
Honestly
I really believe that
for the first time for me
I finally fell in love,
Finally knew what it was,
But if this is love,
I don't want,
I wont own it,
I rather just leave it alone,
Give it back the same way
you let me go,
easyily.

Never was pose to  mean so much,
like how you touched me
and
went  down on me,
staying there on me
for hours,
Like when
you kissed my eyes
and
looked right in to my soul,
or
how about
when you made love to me
and
called out my name
over and over again as you
professed your un-dying love for me,
and Yes
when you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw tears well up in your eyes,
and
as I held you so many times,
I wipe your eyes as you cried,
I talked to you and planned a life with you,
Why
was I so blind?
You had your cake and ate it too,
Ate it **** good,
but
what's now,
How come I had to lose,
Lost so much already
and
I think you love what's growing in my belly,
Never
was it me
just the lady you meet on Feb 20th 09,
Yeah
she was a queen and her light shined so bright,
Her face
lite up as you open doors
and
pulled out chairs.
Playing the perfect gentlemen.
As
you helped her to your car
excuses me
your suburban!
Un-dying love how funny that sounds and
yet I'm here still breathing
and
haven't died yet
even thou I feel so much like I did.
**** IT,
If this is LOVE
I Don't Want IT!
Always Me Ayeshah
©1977-2009
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved

With my hand in yours...........,
With This ring I'd wed or so It was Suppose to be...,
I was Suppose to walk down the aisle..,
Say my I do's,
Give a speech even,Tell you on this day,
Why I love you most,
Why I love you so much..,
Walking down the aisle,
Looking as beautiful as I could be,
Smiling faces all blended together,
As I slowly try to rush on ahead to you..,
My focus and determinations rising as I finish the last few steps...,
The only face
I'm looking for
is yours,
As I'm given away on this day...,
I Can't believe it comes to this,
Trial and tribulations,
We've shared a few,Grew&grown..;,
I want to grow even older&wiser; with you..,
To my Surprise I'm handed to a stranger,
ya best man and what he has to say to me,
I don't want to hear,
He Tell's me Your not ready,
You don't think you can come to ya sense's,
and I must listen ,
listen to him its a serious matter,
but my brain ain't working,
I can't understand what's being said,
ON
this wonderful Beautiful day,
I'm told I wont be given away to you,
I wont get to say my I do's ,
I,We
picked everything out
as best we
could and wanted it to represent US, Look Man,
this ain't funny so stop playing PLEASE,
Has something Happen I ask him ,
YA Friend,
The Best Man,
He holds his head down,
Bent real low as he looks up at me a tear falls
and He hates to be the one to tell me
but your just not coming at all,
How could you do it, Whats gotten in to you,
How could you hurt me specially
TODAY,
We had it set in motions from the first time we met,
We both knew some how it was gonna end like this, with us
Together forever, or so we Vowed,
Rehearsal was perfect,
Everything was so right even agreeing to do this outside,
Shouldn't it rain now why is the sky shining blue, so bright,
Why
is it that there's laughter every where but only tears in my eyes,
I run back to the limo and get inside I got to talk to you,
but as I reach the car,
Ya best man
Ya friend,
Say you left, your not there,
hours past.
I'm at the Reception Hall,
Minus well
let everyone enjoy it,
since they came from out of town,
from all over the U.S.
My family and yours,
was Suppose laugh and share stores toast Us
and say how proud they were for us..
Instead they're all looking at me
wondering what I'm ah do....,
How
could you leave me here with everyone guessing. starring, wondering?
For better or worst,
that what we planned,
taking my hand placing your ring on my finger, as I
smile,
Yes I agree to carry your last name,
Sickness and in health ,Until death do us part,
With all of my heart,
I give myself to you,
No matter what may come, these words I promise you,
But your not here to listen to me or to even hear me,
I shout it out for the people looking and staring,
I'm breaking down,
I never thought this would happen to me not to day.
Not to me...,
It's still not raining,
It's still sunny out,
DJ
please play anything
let me loose my self with this Champagne,
Ya Friend,Ya Best MAN,
He's here with me&My; girl too,
They look at me with such sorrow,
I'm still in my wedding gown,
How Funny & sad for me huh?
I look so beautiful,
My hairs perfect,
My face is painted just right,
In the sunlight,
My Mahogany skin glows..,
Dance I say with a smile, its OK,
I'm alright...,
Please dance.
Looking out the window I let the tears flow,
How could you be so bold yet so cold,
You let me go & even thou
I know you'll say you didn't mean to:
When or if I ever talk or see you,
I'll say LEAVE,
Let me be
like you did to me on ;
OUR WEDDING -DAY!
ALWAYS ME AYESHAH
©1977-2009 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.

Urgently,
I rush to the small cafe down the road,
I waited for your show for about a week,
now your finally here.
I pay my entrance fee and grab a front row seat.
It’s starting, Curtains open.
The light dim and every ones quite.
On the edge.

You step up to the microphone.
I hear music slowing began to play,
I feel a breeze as you began to speak.

Your voice’s, mentally kissing my neck,
As word play began to transform  the crowd.
Transforms me.
I imagine the stage, like a field of flowers,
A bed in it’s center.
Verse after Verse, You speak of,
Your ****** Epistemology.
But I want you to be my very own lyricist

Be my proprietor and fully take ownership over me.
Every word, every  phrase & verse, I hang on,listening.
Clinging to your Rhythmic Melodie.
Strum me Metaphorically,Embrace my mind.
Love me poetically. "Undress my soul".

I almost expired when these words were said, as you
experimentally held out your hand & repeated the words.
like a chant, like your beckoning for me to come to you.
I feel I’m in a monopolistic competition.
Fighting the crown for your attention.

For your affection.
Continually You speak,
Word’s played over& over .

Done and redone to the beat and base of your baritone,
While you some time whisper in that **** tenor voice of yours.
I’m lost, Gone!
Refilled with a driving need to be where you are...,
ON STAGE!  
A.M.A.
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-2008
All right reserved

I saw You today.
I had no words for you,
You walked past and didn't even notice me.
I heard it threw a friend you was moving,
To find ya self.

I guess like you told me.
I saw her too,
holding your hand & gazing up in to your face.
Shes beautiful.
You always did know how to pick them.
I kept walking thou, But silly me I did turn back.
I had to get on last look,
One last glimpse  of what use to be My everything.

I saw her Today.
She came in to my shop,
I almost hit the floor.

She said she was looking for a dress.

A beautiful off white dress is what she picked out.
Creme colored with pearl tear drops and laces entwined.
the head dress Well she settled for a Crown

I kept my composure ,
Never saying  anything of importance,
I couldn't let her know who I was
or what I meant to you.

Her Mother was teary eyed and so Happy,
I hear her Say
Your the luckiest man in the World.
As She laughed she said She was the lucky one.

I know just what she means,
I too once was lucky to be with you too.
Everything you did was almost too perfection.
I ruined it and Now I'm helping Ya fiance pick out her gown.

I walked home after closing shop,
As I walked in central park I think to myself,
I wish I was her.

I saw you TODAY,
You were running out of the church,
Which was packed,
And everyone was all lined up on the steps,
As you run down towards your limo, You look up.
Smile to me from across the street.

You don't even say Good-bye.
I hope She makes your life complete&happy;!
I hope  YOUR happy,
I hope you have and receive everything you
desire in this life.
I know as these tears fall,
They will one day dry.
I saw You today & all I can tearfully say is.....
Congratulation's!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-2008 All right reserved

Do You know why I stay away,
Put Space Between Us two?
I think you do and it's sad really cuz I really like you,
Like you more than I should and more than I care to admit,
But what gets me is I hate that I fall so hard, fast and easy,
Yet I hold myself way back from letting you In,
Trying & hidding my true feelings,
It's not that I'm scared or anything(lol yeah I am)
I just know that Your not ready
for all that I am,
and All that I can give to you
Which is all that comes with me,
So I stay away and hold my self back,
I speak mostly when spoken to and Only comment a little,
Cuz if I said I want you, And  if I said I'm Yours,
Plus if I said I need you more than you ever could of thought,
I'd probably scare you off,
If you really knew what was going in on in my head,
Like how I want you in my bed,
How I'd hold those strong arms around me
and Rock you til YOU fell fast asleep,
How I'd cook just to watch you eat,
Well I can't say these thing to you,
Cuz if I did then
I'd loose my VERY Best Friend!
Maybe I wouldn't but you see
I'm also some what of a Chicken -
ONLY when it comes to YOU!  
If I told you that I  was in awe with all you do,
What would you say-  what would you do,
If i said Kiss me just slightly on my cheek,
Would you do this and more?
Make me crave even more,
If I said I wanted to be more than your babies momma,
Spend a life time making Us happy,
Keeping you satisfied,
Being your Queen
while letting you be King,
I think about you too often to count,
And its sad really cuz
I can't speak clearly when your around
its like my tongue got tied down,  
What if I told you I once watched you sleep,
Maybe it was just a dream,
Yet I look at your lips  while I fantasy about that body,
I look ad those hand ,
So strong , How I'd let you hold me,
Molding me close to you,
See If I told you these things you'd likely scream ,
Run from me,  
Just maybe huh?  
What I'm unsure of is how can I keep hiding
this burning desire to be more than just your friend,
When I know your not ready,
When I know there isn't room for me,
See  BABY
I notice along time ago that
Your the strong silent type,
The Big soft hearted Giant,
Yet I know your also the type to wreck havoc
when someones Coming with disrespect,
Your a humble Man
and if I had you in the palms of my hands,
I'd cherish all that you are and
Love you for the Man you've already become,
Take you for who you are and Keep us on point,
I know you must hear this a lot, I'm sure I'm not the only one,
To be caught  in your poetic verses,
or shown the many side of your philosophical  greatness,
I know so many women feel as I do,
They too may not have told you,
Maybe some have and just like me they too fantasy about You,
For A man you have  the sexiest ***.
A brain & body to match,
Your words make me crave just one touch,
See I already said too much,
I sound so silly, Imaging me saying how
I really feel or ever saying these things to you,
Funny but when Your around it's like  
I have a speech impediment,
I start talking with a stutter,
How crazy am I
Cuz  I can't "forum"(form) the right words,
I can barely think .
My mind draws a blank.
How would you feel truly; If you knew my feeling
& knew too they  go deeper then you think,
right to the roots,
The very heart of Me,
My soul weeps inside to be touched and concord by only You,  
If ever you were to find out-  
WELL  I think I'd crumble. Fall to my knees,
Cuz Your the essences that gives me peace,
You make me feel like a brand new women ,
Your A gentle-man.
Who Knows How to
really
Treat this Lady(your friend )ME.
You keep me leveled and Don't even know it ,
I wonder how You'd feel if you ever knew.
I'm infatuated, Basically in love with
YOU?!
That's why I'd loose my mind if You Ever Know!
Always me Ayeshah
©1977-2009 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.

Look at me and see what I am Not only am the chief,the house keeper the mother and cloth mending dish washing single parent, I am more than book and education more than one nation and My God has shined on me many times,

Cuz He says O sweet child of mines, Look beyond what Men have taught you,Look past wars fought over you,Not me but many have started for the same,

A Woman, That's what I am , I am sister and cousin, Auntie and niece,Daughter and Lover don't bring out the Beast, I am more than a *** symbol,Artist or model, More than a page or chapter You might of started.., More than a notch on ya belt,

I am more than fist pounding on my face, More than you saying it has to be your way! I'm the grand daughter and great step child, I am the wisdom from generations past the voice to history,I am the present and may-hap the future,You never know,

I am slave no more to you or my self, I am Worth more than any-ones wealth,I am courage in a land of lost hope, I am a voice that can't be choked,I am a survivor and A bilingual queen, I am of powerful stuff its more than you'd dream,

I am A giver,hardly the taker, I am the love you may of never know or the special one you let go, I am determined and stubborn,I listen ,I seek and I lean, Life's what I make ,

You can have it your way just as long as you know that I am ME and always will be.., I'm more than submission and More than a follower,

I lead on my own and do what My heart say, I ask not for recognition-unless I'm deserving some, I ask for compassion in a Land it seems there's none,I am understanding and self growth,I am the teacher, The student all in one, Can you understand,

Ya words can't hurt me cuz I am too proud

Even in saddnes I walk with a smile, Ya fist only leave marks now, Ya jealous ways aren't welcomed here, Ya fear has dried all my tears,

The pain you thought to inflict on me is beyond you ,I am out of ya reach,

I am Woman and I do more than roar my back against the wall and look its time to add up the score..,

I am friend and I am desire, I am a head turner,lighting minds on fire..,

A mind that tinks all on it's own,Now don't you wish you was king of this throne?..,

I care more than I need to but do it my way!

I am me and that's

Never Gonna Change!

Always me Ayeshah