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Ayesha Jan 10
You do not know how to paint
On wall or on heart, my mumbles
Everyday you stray, cold in my hold
You leave the window open for snow
It passes, through us, shuffling
Leaves footprints on our body
Do you think I am dead and deaf?
I hear you singing softly to it
I feel the simple following wisps
That flake away and land on lip
On lip and railing of eye awake

Sun settles, a fading bleak jewel
Atop the smooth hued neck of sky
There is no remedy for lost dream
I chase reckless, clawing inside
Reaching like a tree into time
Of soft rose night and tears like wax
Like flame, like birds, like burning—
Sweet God stumbles, drunk and
A darling, pliant as clay: through hours
I fashion vessels, filled to the brim
With pickles of quiet. God
Is in the wordless wells of rue. You

Are lost, lost, to blindness and
Abandon, out about in search of dyes
So strong the ramparts of black
That bar, from me the remnants
Of our blunt tryst. Come - come
Back to body, now that it lives
Come, lost pilgrim, my plummet blue
Stifle the sun. Paint it all wrong.
10/01/2024
Ayesha Jan 10
Do not yet go
I have to say
Let us run
As one far
Into the sun
Let us burn
Perish fade
And singular
Stay
Never one absent
From the other
Do not go
Do not ever go
I become
A curtain
Over myself
I become
Solitude, still
And no cries
That I fashion
Are right
For the quiet.
Do not go
There is nothing
For me
Left to become
10/01/2024
Ayesha Dec 2023
You do not hear it
The lone has a singing
Like silken threads of the wind
When it walks through the city
Its robes draping
Over walls and as shadows
Darkening the noise
Our legs dangling,
We breathe in smoke
Dust and traffic talk
Nothing is beautiful but we stay
Nothing is as we had fancied
Everything gentle slinks away
Revolted and charitable
And we run our fingers
Along jagged concrete edges
Waiting as if
For something
Waiting as if
For something
Sorrow comes
A tender companion
And leads the night away to obscurity
I dream of laughter
Tumbling as pebbles into terror
Clumsy and crude, bluntly myself
I stumble through myself
Searching as if
For something
Doors open and torches are lit
The labyrinth unwinds perhaps
Or starts to, slow and sleek
As if in tune to the song
And almost the spectre of reticence
Is cast aside for rebellion

But then, the morning comes
And I am a tyrant again
16/12/2023
Ayesha Dec 2023
What good is all my love
If you wish not recieve it
Use it, use it till torn, cast it
Aside as coat to a hanger
Woolen soft and sagging in lone
When its body be far far

Far is beauty, in flavourless
Riches, halls of boney ceilings
And pillars of God, you
So glorious in your indifference
So irresistible: merciful your gaze
As it grazes me by – myself, meek
Cottage, of anticipation and dust

Myself mumble, mug of night-
Old melancholy. Not ten my riots
Sharp enough for you - you
Peppered with grace, of posh
Profoundity, in a manner of spice
Parsley the face of your face, thyme
Your eyes, paprika, paprika
Be you throughout; throughout
the stars

***** at me, waiting for agony
To spill out its reticence
I paint, paint, cheap commodities
Fuel for your warmth in those
White countries. Rag-clothes,
Castoffs, rugs if you may
A fable for a table or two
A momentary exhibition
If you may. Yet I I warp
Over myself, restless in
Scarcity of grief... how you
Play at deprivation, clever
And careless, coy as a bird

Out out out to the blue with
Your pretty laughter and mist
And never again a flutter
To drag me from dream
Violent in your quiet, your
Absent saturation, running
A little red boy, alive as violins
Round and round and round
Me - nothing of you
To boil or brew, no leftover
Sight on which to chew
07/12/2023
To Aayan
Ayesha Dec 2023
I just keep reading my own poems
At 3 am, over and over my words
Carnal is she, leaping at me, leaping
One, two three  bee  tree oh ******
Rhymes to thin down grief

No, grief is too fancy, I flatter myself
It is      maggot of the soul munching
Loudly scratching... my thoughts
Are anxious fingers, finger-tips torn
As war ridden boots, my feet make no
Sound in the world.. they startle but
Themselves, they leave no change

I am       wallpaper boiling through
Months of moisture, slowly stripping
Myself cement and repulsive and
Whitewashed... flat as the belly of a table
I lie like a dog with my limbs raised
To a friend

O God, love me. Overturn me.
I am tired of my stale riots,
Of my resistance, my revolutions
I am nothing to build upon
Nothing to build with, cats and
Cars sound through the walls
Like footprints into sea
I am deaf, redundant abundant,
self-centered misery and dull defeat

I pick my nails and sit
Boat in a stagnant sea
Jigging as if itchy, twisting
Twining tweaking tingling
Even time stops by to tusk
07/12/2023
Ayesha Dec 2023
Carnal is she
Leaping at me
Swift and free
Sleek as tea
Whispers thick
And then does lick
Ick ick ick ick
She sticks
The blade
Down in bed
And then she fades
As soul from dead
And fed am I
On nerve and song
And lie I long
Shivering along
To barren currents
Of our ripe night
And harvests she
The crop, and stops
To smile at me
And further drops
Me into fright

Bold is she
Carnival and cat
A mocking flame
To my dear wax
Tumbles my body
In her shrill hands
And lands in mercy
Of her mischief
Then melt I
And fly I falling
And follows she
To watch me come
Alive again
Again. Again she goes
And scares the skin
Tin, as tin
She laughs away
And if sin this be
Then sin we may
Till the sun should come
Alive again
04/12/2023
Ayesha Dec 2023
So falls asleep
The clock at work
And still stand staring
All stalls of night
Wander shall we
Or lie down to sleep
Shall we dance on lips
Of thought forlorn
Stumbling go ever
Down in dim
Or lead the leaning
Limbs to the lair
Of dark despair
The dear despair
The shuffled sea
To which we see
As children in plea

Shall we then stop
And hear the streets
Go wading on
Or lose shall we
Ourselves to blood
As bumbling it goes
From us to us to us
For there is no weep
That may we stir
As sweet in tea
And beat and beat
May these shrill heels
Forever and free
May once they slip
And then fall far
Into the song
And may the hands
Yield as we
Lay them rest
On our simple *******
And may the land
Of whsiper and chant
Ever go writing
The waves of sea

But mourn or nor,
Lose shall we
Stale as sundress
In the lap of she,
Loose as tea,
And no comfort coy
Shall hear from us
A single cry
And sweet or sleep
May mend the bleak
But we will not weep
No, we will not weep

Weep we shouldn't
Lest morn should bear
Upon it the stain
Of our meek feat

And weep we would
If but we could
Bear brave the banner
Of fierce defeat
03/12/2023
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