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Ayesha Jan 2021
she comes to me with every star
— every bird
greets me on my creased bed
She smiles—
in the long-silenced alarm clock,
in dry roses tapped on wall,
unkept cots of all my jasmines and shrubs,
— my missed classes,
in the cars talking outside

she says,
the dance has long began
I say, I am not awaited
she says she would like a waltz
I say,
please, go without me
here, I'll leave the window open—

she says,
I live in the dusty shelves
— in your abandoned body
I say,
I’ll clean today, scrub off my skin
I'll pull out the weeds

she says,
the air reeks of me
I say,
I’ll put on a song.

but the song wobbles like a paper-boat in a stream
it sublimes away with my breaths—

she watches me—
bath,
as I strip the bed naked, and redress him
as I feed my plants, as I
fold the clothes and tuck them neatly away

her lips meet my neck, as mine
meet the porcelain mug—
tongue trials down my back
as the sandy tea falls soundlessly in me

and I shiver

and she’s there in the unfinished painting
here on my dry skin, webbed eyes,
my jagged lips

I say,
I want you to leave
out this room— out this dressed up city

(her willowy fingers betrothed to mine)

— out these voiceless books
and feeble veins
my ****** sketch-pencils and
and the pictures you **** hue out of

(swords clashing— she aims her lips at mine)

I want you gone,
here, I'll leave the window open.

(and rips them apart; she turns me to glitter)

tell me to go and I’ll go,
she says, later.

tell me,
she says.

tell me,
she says.
tell me
when did death become so impatient
Ayesha Jan 2021
sheets swirl about me
pinning, crushing, they hiss, ‘don’t
leave; you’ll drown out there’
and my bed turns to water
Ayesha Jan 2021
VII
gusts flip open a
book and sea comes barging out
i drown into me
i drown i drown i drown
Ayesha Jan 2021
VI
i divorced myself
she took the child, the tulips
and me—she took me
outside, the city weeps
Ayesha Jan 2021
V
a skeleton hides
in this old, wooden closet
that i have become
everything seems dusty
Ayesha Jan 2021
IV
plaster of paris
i mould a little me and
she elopes with winds
the night is heavy
Ayesha Jan 2021
III
O little Cosmos
hide me in these petals , i
wish to wilt with you
this one’s childish, i know
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