And if he comes to claim my soul tonight
I'll Close me eyes and thus break my sight
Hinder the noise that floods my ears
Infatuated with the way your tears fly
This flower inside has shriveled up to little bits and pieces
So if he comes tonight I swear my love I won't put up a fight
A fallen angel must come to take me back to my homeland
He's here tonight gave me quite the fright
And so he led me to the shadows why of course where the bright light lies
My Morbid dream
lover here she comes oh boy!
As we dance in the pale snow
Flakes placating our faces
As we lay down to play for the today
He lies in bed and waits for the night
Blessed he is with such a bite

Falling down to the ground
She tells you it doesn't hurt
Fading into the background
She whispers she's okay
As you embrace her
Jumping off the cliff she smiles
Cutting herself she's crying that it is her fault
Glancing back at the scars she laughs
Talking to you she says its in the past
Yes baby
You're my past and the future in unclear
So please just leave
As she's begging for you to stay

Glancing up to hear the flicker of her smile
It ***** slowly to the ground
A voice oh she sees it so loud!
Whispers whisper whispers
Your beautiful **** delicious I like you I want you I need you please
Shouts shouts shouts
Look down close your blinders
Close your disablement that we all share yet ironically ****** ourselves upon
Choke
Don't breathe
Glance up and a smack is waiting
Throwing you across the room
Never showing any sign of weakness
We fall to the floor and she's still standing head held high
Bowing her head shredding inside
The whispers make it through
Teasing her
As she shouts at herself
Becoming what all the voices tricked her of blanketed in her sanity created by the mirror and society
As she whispers to him

Take one step
My dear you'll be okay
I promise to you tonight
You are my thing
You are my all
My dear tonight just breathe and it will all be alright
Take one step and it'll all go away
In the blink of an eye
And let's see oh you will be okay
I promise to you my dear
The wrong will turn right
Your ending is bright
I love you my dear
Because it will all be alright
On this night
Tonight
In this head of mine

the leaches seeped it up
Never endlessly
Continuing and continuing over and over
Sprawling down into the air
Kisses battering your face
Filling you up
Artificial sugar colored red
The leeches they seep it up
Sip sip sip
And the kissing commenced
Flick of tongue up and down over and over here and there
enveloping in the whispers
Landing
Eyelids fluttering
Sip sip sip
Toss it over yourself
Sip sip sip
Here we go

With a breath it all went away

I find my self uncontrollable again
I cannot stop this breathing
I cannot stop these tears
Until it all goes black
And I'm gone
Out of this body
Watching myself
As I fall apart
Wishing I had a friend
Wishing I could ask for help
Wishing I would let them see how bad I really get
Wishing I could go to my mother and just cry
Wishing I had someone
Because that's what I wanted
I wanted a friend.
A real friend.
Because this thing inside my head is not my friend
It has started to scare me
It is getting out of control
And it's bad again
It's here
It never left but it's been getting worse
And here I lay in bed 2 in the morning crying
Fuseing with my desires
A friend
A mother whom I didn't need to lie to
A dad whom i wished wasn't a *** head
Whom I wished wasn't a complete ******* idiot high school drop out
Whom I wished wasn't an *******
Whom I wish wasn't suicidal
Whom I wished I could accept for what he was and is a high school drop out trying his best
Because I am exactly like him.
Except Im in school with of course that honor role
Wishing I had never cut
Wishing I had never taken those pills
Wishing I didn't wish this **** because I learned from it all
But ****
Wishing i didn't hurt this much
Wishing I had a friend
Wishing I was good enough for myself
For the loves
For my father
For my dad
For my family
Because how could I love myself when my father never did?
How could I be enough when the failures cloud my all?
How could I have a friend when they don't even know me?
And it's here again its insisting
The realization keeps banging me
I don't want to be here
Go away
Hide
It's okay
Go away
I don't want to be here
This place isn't meant for me
Just slice once more vertical there you go
One more pill that's it
Now you can leave
And it hits again and again
That I'm so **** tired of fighting this
fly away
Go away

What if I get tired of letting him break little pieces of me?

You know that feeling where you are just so ******* ******* done and you can't take it anymore
Your craving the blade
Please I just need to release I need to think about something else
Your so ******* weak take the pain you pathetic soul
Where you just want to close your eyes and never wake up again
Whats enough you can't stop that tear sliding slowly down your cheek they overlap one after another
And ****
I'm so fragile it's embarassing
But I put on a smile for you all and then when I try with a real person
It is nothing
Because I don't know how to express them correctly
I'm so tired of this pain
The effort put towards happiness is there and then this occurs
And I'm so much farther down
Trying to find ways that this isn't the same exact thing as last time
But also realizing how in every way it's different
I just want to not hurt anymore
I just want to want to be here
I just want to not go to sleep thinking that I honestly don't want to be in this world
Because I'm so tired
Of me

He put the stars back into my sky
When i had forgotten the sky had stars
Out of nowhere
His foreign tongue replenished my  tired soul
And with a pop
It all went weary

I was tired of disappointing myself so I left
And when I tried to come back
There was no room for anything else
A monster had taken my place
Taken the name
Autumn
With the same hair and muscles
The bones were the same
But the smile was different
The eyes lacked the glimmer that once was
And I resigned
To the back seat
Of this fancy day dream

I want to live the lie I've been smiling at all of you

I read this poem and a line read "I love me."
And I was so proud of that author I had no idea who or what has made them who they are.
Because I myself cannot love me.
And this is one of my many faults because I can see the perfection in so many others yet my reflection is all but that.
So I applaud you.
For that is indeed a great acheivement to be thankful for.
Because for many out there loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do.

I remember before
I remember when it was just a bunch of poets most in unrelinquishing agony
I remember when I came on this site and it was a safe haven
I remember being inspired by Great writers that are still out there
I remember the passion
The fire
I remember what HP was
I remember it's better days
...
I am not a fan of the new HP
I know for some they feel they are writing poetry but others, well it's offensive.
I come here to breathe to be with those that I can relate to
It Was a garden full of blossoming roses
But every time I appear now
It feels like a high school situation
This is a site for poetry not pathetic ******* petty drama
Between poets
Write your heart, try to help other poets
Express yourself
I refuse to hashtag it up
Because i respect those who use them
But in all honesty I hate what it has done
Maybe the people changed
Maybe some left
...
I remember when here wasn't a need for "public service announcements"
I remember when there wasn't a worry about a "bully"
I remember when the thought of plagiarism occurring was a joke
I remember what it use to be
And now it's future I feel isn't so bright
All it feels like now it a popularity contest
I long for what it use to be

I read over and over of others asking for others
Time after time
Help help
Save me from my life that's a living nightmare
Help
I'm falling
I need you to catch me
...
I can't remember the last time I read a poem where someone tried to catch them self with the same vitality
...
in the highest moments of "change" we are under a dictator that is ourselves
While we complain and take "action" against what we have let become the problem
...
It is here because we us you I let it grow
...
As we fight to take a shade down from before our eyes, we in turn build a wall of righteousness
Because I am fighting to not be ignorant I am not ignorant
This is not the case
Because I am fighting for equal rights
I am helping
Yet you follow society's standards to a straight point edge?
You may not realize it but fighting for something simply because others started to is following society.
You are no exception to the majority.
...
In a world where we are all fighting for a voice, who is that has listened?
And grown?

Well I tried
But trying and being a victor
Are not the same
Effort
Put forth is nothing when the end result is all but a fail
I am nothing
Hence my effort is nothing
Because I tried
And now
We are here
You are there
I am gone
Lost in my mind
Suffocating under the fallen debris
I tried
This is now
Nowhere to be found
Wait is done
Anticipation has ceased
Her breath no longer taken
No longer lost in her mind
But out there in the questionable abyss
Floating in the water
Washing up on shore for all to see
And I breathe
The last breath
For she is gone
I
Am
Gone

The time moves on
Cultivating the ground
Waiting for the grave to sprout
And  let the body descend
Anticipation crushing the youth
Judgement passing the eyes
Pulsing through the cells
Return
Repeat
Break
Advice flows
Ignorant retain flakes morphed into crystals of *******
Sniff sniff
Sweet says the elders
Continue
The wise portray the high as we all fall
Ignorant to the reality that is we are not here we are not a we it is nothing
This "we" is beneath the ground
Hidden among the lost souls
Buried in the clouds
Burning so cold
Feeling so bright
And leaving no light

And we get so use to ourselves
That at the point of change
We forget everything we once were and knew
Quite the culture shock
And some
They create themselves
While others
Miss what was once there

I can't stop wanting to apologize
I am not okay with me
There are "body hate" free zones
And safe spots
And tons of supports for bisexuals lesbians gays
There are so many supporters out there
So many people comfortable with who they are
But I cannot accept
Me.
And it hurts.
But if I cannot accept me why would I let you or anyone else try to
Help
Or savage
What is left
When I am not here or don't want to be
Because I don't want to think about what it is I am and how it makes
ME
Uncomfortable
The fact that your okay with it
Doesn't mean I am

The mass of this broken finality that has entitled me
To embrace the shards of glass
This empty vessel that has empowers how much she truly deserves nothing
This thing labeled a girl a teenager a liar
Is oh so broken.
The aftermath of my actions
Are not always as I had desired
This brain of mine does not allow me to critque my thoughts with the best of logical reasoning
As you try to repair
Something that was left behind long ago
The ashes will fill your lungs
Suffocate the innocence your intentions once held
While I watch
I will ****** you with utter satisfaction
As I weep in agony
For what you once were

***** rids their clothes
Blood spattered everywhere
Broken knuckles
And bodies slumped against the floor
Classical in the background
A rose laying in their path
Smell of ***** reeks
The spicy scent of repulsion fills the room
Do you like that?
This heartfelt scene?
The one you dreamed of?
Kisses and embraces vary among the nightmares
In the sanity of those alive
And hose forgotten
The corpses
Walking holding hands with you today
Yet their blood
It's still in that hall way
Don't forget that smell of regret
Don't
Forget
...
As the morning coffee is brewed

Reflecting on the flaws that
Might as well be parasites
I realize the amount of effort it will take to demolish them
I slink down
Down to the floor
And the tears they fly
Everything from the past, present issues, and future problems already conceived
Contemplation over heating and exploding
Hitting myself with the shrapnel
Not regretting a single bit of it
Reality sinking in
Of how alone I have caused thyself to become
Of how deep I have really gotten
Once again the amount of effort is remembered
And the challenge is accepted
I choose to live that day and since, I have had to make the same decision many times
The effort being put in
The temporary "bliss" becomes an addiction
The memories floating away
Effort being forgotten
And the shrapnel returns

It's white petals
Whistle in the breeze
Snow flakes dropping like
the ever escaent trees
Bees humming through the
Monumental screams
Sun shines
Blinding majority
The sun glasses just in reach but used by few
The grass
The vibrant
Green
Air
Sour taste that licks it's way into
The nostrils of your giant
Apples crisp as the fall of autumn leaves crumbling under the weight of any being
The crunch of snow beneath ones feet
Shadows swallowing your shine
Beetles coming out to play
Spiders dangling from your finger tips
The devil has come out to play
Clouds so bright the clean white
Sky reflecting the hope of what had once been
Water you gulp it down
The poison becomes you
And the snake slithers in
Greed has come for you
The moon that open look waiting
To take your hand
Let's go fly
Off to never ever land
Where your God awaits
The mushrooms decomposing
The trees still standing
Wind is blowing
And the eye lids continue to play tricks withon your sight
Sunglasses await
But the sun
So is still
oh
so
bright

I want to be comfortable with being uncomfortable
I want to tie you down and lick **** bite every inch of your body
I want to let you see what I can be
I want to show you how I am not sweet
I want to reveal my very oh so opposite of sweet desires to you
But you won't let me
I want to feel **** with you
I want to show you what I am confident in what I know how to do and do it well
I am not submissive
I am dominate
And this here poses the dilemma
Of our different ****** preferences
Of how my boredom plagues me
You restrict me over and over
Yet you are sweet
With cuddles and kisses this is not what I desire! If I'm going to be
Submissive
Then cut me bite me **** me burn me tease me for hours
Do something.
Because this is not what I desire.

As I am justifiably talked down to
Verbally *****
I find it hard to conceive the notion that have any utter grasp upon knowledge any
Hidden trance of morale
The simple observations your actions have been noted
You are simple
A closed mind
One that has the capacity but let society tell it what it's capabilities entailed
A weak soul
You let yourself become an ignorant being whom is now lost in a sea of irony
For a moment you feel the depression
But how deep does it really go when your layers are oh so few
But the devastation of your reality is the perfection of another's
The veil you placed upon your head
The wall you let them put up
The ear muffs you applied
Allow you to feel as though you can belittle me
I allow you to feel your petty self preservation
And you still have yet to see what you have done

I cannot cease returning to this warm sanctuary, cocoon of numbness.

In the midst of your death
I swear I saw the flicker of a smile

And in the absence of light
The darkness embedded her soul once again
Memories penetrateing her facade of happiness
The scars reflecting her desires
But always hidden among the smiles
Her capture
An invisible man daring to combat every thought, want , need
The only thing left alone
The only reflection that stayed even was
Her persistent parasite
The tilt a whirl of emotion
Numbed by the red slices
But they have ceased to exist due to promises
The tornado of feeling is
Numbed by the cold
The frost bite
Oh how sweet
Take it all away
Because this it won't leave as many scars
The invisible man he can come back when I'm thawed
For an instant in this meaningless life I will be his utter essence
As I succomb to his sweet touch
His immortal being will withdraw
As the cold infiltrates his barracks

And ****.
You read these poems one after another and some, most they seem to blend all together.
But ****.
You keep reading and then there's a WOW and you remember why you joined hp, in the first place.
before the hash tags,
and ****.
that poem was wow, and hey I remember the passion, the free that was once there.
and ****.
thank you.
for reminding me the passion is still in there!
cause ****.
let the passion live on my friend.
and ****.
THRIVE for ***** sake
your already there my friend

yes mother its tight around my neck I'm all ready to go
is the chair set up?
camera ready?
okay.
bye.
the mother pushes her daughter off her chair, the noise of a cracking neck lingering in the
bitter air.
the body is removed.
the mother watching the entire time, participating even.
family.
tying the noose around her neck.
taking the chair.
ah the love.
dearest you can be sane now, in your dark new home.
all by yourself.
finally.
you can be at peace with what was and will now never be.
thank you.
sweetie, the noose it's all set.
bye.
honey, I love you.
a few chuckles lacking innocence
torment their quiet minds
...

I took a quick puff
and of course it sent me reeling
of course I would fall
because quite the clumsy ****** I am

when your fantasy fails, and your dreams scatter into the black
foreboding emptiness
come to me
when your hopes are ripped form your ******* weak hands
and all you do is sit there wishing for some apathy that you will
never receive
when your mind is ***** repeatedly and ****** over one to many times
come to me
when she pulls your tongue out of your putrid mouth and slaps your wittle **** with it
come to me
when your on your knees begging, let them laugh in your face, let them spit upon you
for you are ******* nothing
your god has left you
nowhere to be found?
your mind it's being ****** again, sanity where'd you go? stop slutting around
HAHA!
oh the irony, my little ******* piggy
when you are nothing, when you sincerely cannot give two ***** anymore,
when you stop silently screaming for help, when you have given up on any kind of release,
come to me
when you have found pleasure in this game you play all by yourself in that endlessly open mind of yours
see me
when you are here but nowhere to be found
seek for me
when you still don't give two *****,
love me
when your dead,
fear me
when your gone, but immortally in ecstasy
hide from me
when your reality is all but "everything"
listen to me
like you always have
let me ******* one more time
sweetie
dearest
******* innocent pie
come to me
feed me
live with me
don't let go
you are here
forever in fantasy
ecstasy
your sanity, the games honey,
oh how we love them
fear me
speak to me
come to me

and you see it may be my fault,
I'm so use to being hurt,
that it doesn't surprise me anymore.
I shouldn't expect you to hurt me, I shouldn't be to scared because one more fall could make me go for it
I shouldn't expect you to not insult me every couple of minutes, I shouldn't expect them to not laugh.
and now im use to it.
im use to your repeating comments, and little jabs.
im use to feeling this way, and maybe that's why im afraid.
why would one want to find happiness when every time she has, the fall wasn't worth it?
why is it that I cannot simply be standing in a hallway without people saying **** to me?
you say im annoying and that's your reason,
you say im the one you let all your anger out on
you say just because I don't like you
you say because you have a personality.
so
you for the last time you can all go **** yourselves
because hey like you said
I am nothing
so why is it I impact you?
why is it that my presence has so much ******* power over you, that you are so uncomfortable that you feel the need to insult me?
because hey I am nothing after all just like the rest of you.

you are a mistake
go cut yourself
go **** yourself
you are nothing
you are a failure
you are fat
your are revolting fat disgusting nasty
you are stupid
go away
go die in a hole
you are a mistake a mistake a mistake
they regret you
you are nothing
you are nothing at all
a failure
...
chuckles
laugh
the teacher looks away quickly
...
that one girl gives you a sheepish look
...
he continues.
they laugh.
...
you are silent.
...
he knows.
...
he is aware.
...
she is hiding, but he found her.
...
it is done.
...
they are gone.
...
the voices they stay.
...
her smile still intact
...
...
...
home.
...
no one is home.
...
...
...
the gun its downstairs, the knife that big one its in the drawer.
why not appease them?
all her medication just sitting there.
...
...
...
it is done.
they are gone.
the voices they remain.
the glances they stayed away.
...
...
...
and still she is here.
with that oh so big smile.
...
yet, why are they all looking for her body?
...

the blood will drain from your face
you will finally feel
what its like to return
to the numb life
you will notice their stares, you will comprehend the words
but you will not care
nor will you care about the hand out trying to help
because you
are
numb
and as you have now returned to this state
the thoughts they return as well
because you are numb but not mute
they will not know
or realize
what you have become until they are there themselves

mock his pain
feel the wrath
the bullets shall rain down
upon your oh so ******* innocent heads

**** his mind
you will feel the aftermath
your loved ones will be those to regret your birth

release your pain on those weaker than you
look down on those in need of help
and you will fall to their immortal souls
they must make the pain you once felt seem like a happy day

drown the girl who once helped you while you were ablaze
and watch the revolt
that will surely come upon you

****** those who tried endlessly, you must reach some kind of punishment right?

you will reach some sort of regret due to your wretched actions correct?

how do you inflict this much pain and go on feeling happiness everyday?

where is the real justice?
that never actually occurred?
and without the name of justice would you have ever craved it?
revenge it inks itself into your façade of justice

and without your belief that one day this will all be for something, what is it that would come out of you?

the insignificance of your effort has significantly affected my insignificant self

the bridge
it's sitting out there just out of your reach
so close you can touch it
so tempting you almost dared to jump for it
but that almost
was just a thought

your hope
you were so close to it
you had a taste
and vomited it up just as quickly

your love
to much of a coward to stay
you were there
and you
cut your heart out before he or she had the chance to

your damnation
you waltzed with it, let it linger
you let it infuse with your being
ignorant to its poison

your heaven
you hid
letting the fear
**** your desire
and leave it in the dark

your hell
you thought your "higher than man" self
could out wit the master

your failure
you accepted it
sometimes without acknowledgement

and

your success
you wouldn't take notice

your future, past, and present

dominated by your pathetic
weak
ever so disappointing
"needs"

the rose
it wilted
the water and baking sun were not enough
the necessities did not suffice
it's thorns didn't keep the poison away
and so it collapsed under the weight of the pesticide
falling to the ground
while the dandelions mocked it
unaware of their similar journey to the grave
their jealousy
bitter to the end
the poison was after them too
until the garden was no more
and the sun
insisted on shining
while the rain
continued to blaze on

there is me and her
all in one
and she is angry, while I'm appeased
disgusted while I can't get enough of it
and she's there while I'm here and our arguments
they are never ending
infinite
because there is me and
her
all in one
she is cutting her thighs one after another more, more don't stop,
it doesn't hurt enough! your aren't ******* numb yet! pick the ******* scalpel up *****!
while I'm smiling, and laughing
she is intellectual, and remembers
while I blocked it all out
I no longer care to be "smart"
because hey
there is two all in one
and the game, it never ends
because she is there and I am here
prisoner to my keeper
always on my knees to please the master
because hey
its all in one
and no one really knows
that she is here and I am there
because hey we're all in
one

And when it comes to an end
your tears will be for nothing
your scars will mean nothing
because this is
you are
you all are
nothing
as we all are aware of this fact
we strangle ourselves into the illusion of **** actually meaning something
we are aware
we hide behind these lies as if they aren't transparent
we are here
on and in
this nothingness
out to make it something
that will inevitably be nothing

the commencement of the bloodbath shall begin shortly
the walls will be splattered with the liquid that ran through your veins and arteries
you will beg
and beg
as I slash your throat
and spill your innards over the floor of this "sanctuary"
while I, myself take a chance to smile at the art
that has oozed onto the wall and riddled the hallway with the reeking stench of glory
as the weak quiver
And I Bow

the little monster was quite the talker

Sand Castles
Learning the stories left behind,
all those long forgotten damsels in
distress.
the waves washed their misery
away
they stole it
tamed it

her silence was mistaken for weakness
her words morphed into wisdom
but taken as something to brush off
one day she was loud, and the words just kept flowing and flowing and she backhanded that ******* for everything he had done
but then she couldn't stop her fist slammed into his face, crushing his beautiful exterior
because he had ruined hers
and she was bitter
wanted revenge
let her morals fall to the ground
because this one time she would stoop to their level
and later she knew she would regret it but ****
her fist pounding that face in and jaw
seeing the blood
made her wry in pleasure
and she loved it

I pushed you away out of cowardice, because this little ghost heart of mine wasn't worthy of the noble intensity that is you.

I want you to know, I tried.
because that's all I could handle.
I struggled.
and you laughed in my face.

I let it back in. I let it creep into my soul.
no I let it unbury itself from the grapple it was under.
I let it walk out of the shadows and bowed down to it.
it referred to me as "autumn" and I couldn't respond, because the girl that was once here, was cut up into little pieces, and forgotten but myself.
I let her rot away, under the skeptical of other's all while she had that smile upon her face.
and now, here we are in the same body.
no place for her dearest to go.
HAHAHA she is trembling, afraid of herself,
and ****. have I ever been more proud, my greatest work of all?
sitting here, begging for me to leave.
honey, sweet pea, **** yourself.
because I am here and now and you aren't getting rid of me.
you should have done that 3 years ago.
you should have listened to the whispers.
instead of slowly fading away.