And we get so use to ourselves
That at the point of change
We forget everything we once were and knew
Quite the culture shock
And some
They create themselves
While others
Miss what was once there

I can't stop wanting to apologize
I am not okay with me
There are "body hate" free zones
And safe spots
And tons of supports for bisexuals lesbians gays
There are so many supporters out there
So many people comfortable with who they are
But I cannot accept
Me.
And it hurts.
But if I cannot accept me why would I let you or anyone else try to
Help
Or savage
What is left
When I am not here or don't want to be
Because I don't want to think about what it is I am and how it makes
ME
Uncomfortable
The fact that your okay with it
Doesn't mean I am

The mass of this broken finality that has entitled me
To embrace the shards of glass
This empty vessel that has empowers how much she truly deserves nothing
This thing labeled a girl a teenager a liar
Is oh so broken.
The aftermath of my actions
Are not always as I had desired
This brain of mine does not allow me to critque my thoughts with the best of logical reasoning
As you try to repair
Something that was left behind long ago
The ashes will fill your lungs
Suffocate the innocence your intentions once held
While I watch
I will ****** you with utter satisfaction
As I weep in agony
For what you once were

***** rids their clothes
Blood spattered everywhere
Broken knuckles
And bodies slumped against the floor
Classical in the background
A rose laying in their path
Smell of ***** reeks
The spicy scent of repulsion fills the room
Do you like that?
This heartfelt scene?
The one you dreamed of?
Kisses and embraces vary among the nightmares
In the sanity of those alive
And hose forgotten
The corpses
Walking holding hands with you today
Yet their blood
It's still in that hall way
Don't forget that smell of regret
Don't
Forget
...
As the morning coffee is brewed

Reflecting on the flaws that
Might as well be parasites
I realize the amount of effort it will take to demolish them
I slink down
Down to the floor
And the tears they fly
Everything from the past, present issues, and future problems already conceived
Contemplation over heating and exploding
Hitting myself with the shrapnel
Not regretting a single bit of it
Reality sinking in
Of how alone I have caused thyself to become
Of how deep I have really gotten
Once again the amount of effort is remembered
And the challenge is accepted
I choose to live that day and since, I have had to make the same decision many times
The effort being put in
The temporary "bliss" becomes an addiction
The memories floating away
Effort being forgotten
And the shrapnel returns