I want to write a book
Make me into a story
Sprinkle in some laughter
Some happiness
Take out the hate that became last spring
But how do I write the truth
Without being able to admit my pain to myself
I am human, sure
But I’m more
I need to know
Who am I?

We are all addicted
But not to any drug or drink
To a screen
Light up, look
Light up, look
We all do it
Wait for that snap
That text
That tweet
Light up, look
Light up, look
Slaves to a screen
Unable to put them down
Fear that we won’t know things that happen
If we just put down our phones

Her arms held me as we stood in the parking lot
Wind blowing in our hair
“I missed you so much” she tells me
“Oh you had no idea”
I don’t want to let go
To just stay there talking
Catching up on what I missed
In those three long months apart
Our voices carry across the football field
I finally get to talk to her alone
I finally got my chance to apologize
She and I click again
As we did before
Regret sets in as I realize I missed so much
We hug again
Her hair smells of strawberries as I tell her
Once again “I’m sorry for being an *******”
She gets into her car
Driving away as I stand there
Crying tears of relief
I had no idea how much I missed her

We hate those different from us
But why?
Because our parents did?
If that was the case then there would be no love
Nothing but hate
Because we were meant to be different
We weren’t meant to fit in
We were meant to question
We were meant to accept
People who hate gay People because the bible says
The bible also says “thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy love thyself”
Do you want to be hated?
I didn’t think so
So open your eyes
Question beliefs
Hell, question me
You don’t know **** about me
You have no reason to trust me
But just do me a favor
Stop hating people because of what the look like or who they love

Wanted: a new friend
Lives nearby,
Will be open with me
Will quickly realize that I want them, and will feel the same
Wanted: a new friend
Strike that
Wanted: a new partner
Someone to cuddle
Someone to hold
Someone to kiss
Someone to run my hands through their hair
Someone to do all the little things I miss

As someone who uses Snapchat
A word of advice
Always look at who sent the snap
If I had
I could’ve avoided sending a half naked picture
To someone who didn’t need to see it
Instead of the close friend

I’m glad you’re still here
That my words have brought you back
Brought the knife from your wrist
That my words kept you alive
You say that you don’t want to jeopardize this
By telling me everything
And I understand
We’ve both been through ****
But I’ve had to be talked through the same thing
I’ve had that hurt before
And I don’t want the people I care about
To be in the place I was
So tell me everything
Tell me why you hurt
So that I can help make it better
I’m here for you
Until you tell me to leave

We know so much about each other
But we don’t know what the other’s face looks like

To all adults who feel they can ignore kids:
Why?
Why do you feel you can ignore us?
Especially when we’re old enough to know
**** isn’t perfect
We know things
We have opinions
Yet we get ignored
And let me tell you, it’s ******* annoying
So why do we get ignored?
And before you say
“It’s because we have life experience”
I understand that’s important
But we just want to be listened to
If you think we’re wrong, debate us
Change our minds
Give us that experience
Just don’t ignore us

Could it be that I got my wish
That he won’t text me anymore?
Maybe he finally realized
I’m done

Nine months
That’s when society says
“Hope you know what you want to do with your life.”
And throws you out into the world
I have no plan
I don’t know ****
And I’m afraid

Everyone else is out there
On these beautiful summer days
And here I am
Inside
Alone
When I get invited out I become the third wheel
When I go out alone
It’s no better than being inside
How do people live life?
How do I do more than sitting at my computer
Playing level after level
Even though I’ve played the game before
How do I do more than laying on my bed
Watching episode after episode
Even though I know all the lines by heart
How do I live life?

I missed my friend’s going away party
At least I still think he’s my friend...
It doesn’t matter, not anymore
Because he’s going to Basic Training

Good luck out there
Be strong, be true, don’t forget your roots
And above all, as the last time I saw you
Was most likely the last time I’ll ever see you
Stay well
Stay safe
Don’t forget to use your brain
I’ll miss you

And so you’re gone
To Hell I hope, though I know that’s not true
You said that I could never escape you
That you were going to make my life miserable
But how are you going to do that
From 2,300 miles away?
Are you going to have her yell at me?
Have you’re “friends” hate me?
Do you really think that they will?
What did I ever do to them?
The only ones I hurt were you and her
And now you are gone
So go ahead and do your worst.
This will be the last time you hear from me
So goodbye *******

Do you ever wish for death’s sweet embrace?
To feel nothing
To stop the pain
But isn’t it ironic
The only way to freedom
Is the thing you’re desperately trying to escape?

“It’s been fun
Don’t come back.”

24 hours
1,440 minutes
86,400 seconds
And you’re gone
And I know we’ve been warring,
But I just want you to know that I didn’t want this
Any of this aftermath
To happen
I’m not trying to make amends,
Because *******, you cheating *******,
But still
None of this was planned
But now there’s only 86,400 seconds you’re here
I hope you treated her well

Well done
Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person."
That's what it says
We weren't even testing for that

How is it possible to hate someone
Yet care so much for them

As much as I hate you, I’m going to miss you

“Register for school
August 16th”
August 16th...
Then the drama begins
My ex best friend and I will see each other
For the first time since she started dating Him
Most of my friends —
My group— are gone
Off to college
Off to bigger and better things
The ones who are left all know
They’ve defended me
They’ve battled for me
Or they’ve turned
Stood by their side
Who is still my friend?
And who do I need to avoid?
August 16th, we’ll find out

And I won’t even be here to see you go

Then... I don’t know what

The best thing about needing to wear glasses? The search when you can’t find them

Until He leaves

They sit in my eyes
Blurring my vision
But they never fall
They never turn into sparkles in the wind
They just sit there
While I wish I could cry

545,572,800  Seconds I’ve been alive
545,572,800  Seconds I’ve wasted

Less than a week to go

They say the pen is mightier than the sword
But even stronger is your tongue
With just your voice you can ruin a life
With just your voice you can declare freedom
With just your voice you can tell your feelings
With just your voice you can save someone
With just your voice you can create
With just your voice you can destroy
Let’s see a pen do that

Until you’re gone forever

All the songs of my relationship with you all come on while I’m writing something to you. All it does is fuel my writing

Yeah I get your texts
No I don’t respond
Yeah I want to tell you to go fück yourself
No I don’t forget you
But you know why?
Because I don’t want to forget you
I want to remember when you held me in your arms
I want to remember when you kissed me
I want to remember just sitting in your car with you when I should’ve been in class
I want to remember the look on your face when you laughed at my dumb jokes
Yeah I know you’re never going to be mine
No I don’t give a fück
Yeah you’re right I have fücking problems
But you know what, so do you
You say it’s creepy that I still write about you?
It’s creepy that you bother keeping tabs on me
It’s creepy that every time I do something related to you, you send me 10 texts saying I’m creepy and disturbing and that I have fücking problems
You told me to let you go, well this is how I’m dealing with my shït
By doing what I fücking do
By writing out how I feel because I have nobody to talk about it with
Because this is how I fücking deal
So yeah, 8 more fücking days
Then I never want to fücking hear from you again
8 more fücking days
Then I never have to worry about running into you and her
8 more fücking days
Then you’re gone

The clock continues even if you text me and tell me I have problems

It’s all I feel anymore
I no longer feel happy
I no longer enjoy the moments I did a few weeks ago
It all lands in an empty void
Souring memories
Taking ahold of me
I try to escape it
But I claw at the walls of the abyss
My fingers grow ******
My legs grow weak
Until I lie there
Crying for release from the hole I dug
People tried to save me before
Tried to get me to put down the shovel
Tried to get me to climb out while I still could
But here I am
Alone
In the dark
Wishing for anyone to help me
But everyone already left

Until I can tell her “two months isn’t long enough to get upset over” like she did to me

Wake up
Drink coffee
Let the dog into the yard
Looking at my phone for hours on end
Hoping that someone wants to talk to me
Wants to be with me
But only one person does
Every day
“Wyd?” “Want to hang out?” “**** my life”
**** your life? **** my life.
Your life is just beginning
Mine has yet to start
Shackled by a lack of money
A lack of resources
Living miles away from friends...
Every day I want someone to say to me
“Let’s spend time helping you.”
“Let’s spend time where you don’t have to pay $5 to listen to me complain about how I want to have ***”
I don’t care if you’re *****
Unless you want me to do something about it
Stop telling me every day
I want someone to help me
I want someone to talk with me
Not at me
Every day
I wish I had someone


But I’m to scared to look

The story of me
How to tell it
How to describe those moments
Those emotions
How to break apart every conversation
Conveying the importance
The desperation
The depression
How to tell you everything
Without the words to describe it...
I’ve got a story to tell,
But only if you were here

Until there’s only one of them

Until I’m free to speak my mind

I let the dog out into the yard
And for the first time in years
He runs
My feet bare as I run down the street
Sidewalk cutting into my feet
With every step
The faster I run
The further he gets
Finally I grab him
And as soon as it started
The chase is over

I haven’t heard from you in more than a week
And not that we talked everyday
But we did talk often so...
Are you okay?
Please...
Both Damon and I are worried
Let us know that you’re alive...

Until I don’t have to go around in fear