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atticus wilson Jul 2020
A year ago I sent a text
Telling of something I had written without remembering
I must’ve been blinded by insecurity and naïveté

As I wrote of the days after
Where I compared myself to characters in a tv show
I wrote of my hatred
Of my pain
Never realizing that I wasn’t writing against him
But attacking myself in turn
For falling under a spell
For allowing myself to be tricked
For looking through those ******* rose colored glasses

I wanted to be stronger than I was
I was ready to hate myself over my stupidity
I was missing everything that I had spent years building and in two weeks got ******* destroyed

There was no cure, no easy solution
Because I read the last line
And knew it was true
“The next time we saw each other
Everything had gone to ****”
atticus wilson Jul 2020
They’re all leaving
Going off to college and to work
To live their lives
And I won’t get to say goodbye

Trapped in the Southern parts of town
While they all live in the North
It means I won’t be able to say goodbye
Before they pull up stakes and leave

I won’t be able to to tell them how they changed me
How she made me better
How he made me smile
How they kept me happy
I can’t give them all hugs
With tears streaking my cheeks
And watch them drive off to start life anew
atticus wilson Jul 2020
Why am I the one you come to?
Why am I the one who gets asked?
Why am I the relationship man?

I’ve only ever been in one
(and we all know how it ended — in petty poems and petty texts)
But I’m the one you ask advice
On a thing I never got working right
I’ve been asked so many relationship questions and I never know the answers, but somehow it always works out
atticus wilson Jul 2020
We’ve all been there
Where you just can’t sleep
So you toss and turn
Listening to that song stuck in your head
Mouthing the lyrics as to not wake up others

You scroll through countless apps
Often reopening the same three
Checking to see if anyone has messaged you
Even though you know they’re all asleep
So you lay there
Bored with nothing to do

So you count the bubbles in the popcorn ceiling
Imagining what you would do in situations;
A fire, meeting a celebrity, if you finally meet that special someone
Hoping that you’ll sleep soon
Until you look at the time— an hour till the alarm

No sleep tonight
Haha, guess what I’m doing 😜
atticus wilson Jun 2020
We judge ourselves by the likes that we get
By a digital heart that lights up
We judge if we're liked by whether other people
Click of a ******* button

People want to know why we hate ourselves
Why when we don't have our stories seen by that one person
we think that we're worthless
And it's because we want to be liked
No,
We need to be liked
We need to be told that it doesn't matter who we are
It doesn't matter what we do
We need to be told that you will always be with us

We judge our self worth not by the things we've accomplished
But by the failures we've had
Because we're told from day one that people will remember them
And sure we're told that it's part of the learning process
But we know it's *******

We judge ourselves by how others act
And we see all the wonderful things that they do
We see the perfect world that people live in,
Full of vacations, pretty pictures, and date nights around the fire
But we never see the lows that people have
So we think that they never failed
And we think that when we fail, we can never recover

We judge our self worth by the click of a button
By the failures we've had, but never the accomplishments
By the vacation photos that others post
by the words that we hear
by the actions that you take

We never judge our self worth by what we think of ourselves
But by what you think of us
It kind of rambles at the end, but I think my point is clear; we judge ourselves by social media rather than what we do, and it's ruined our mental (and sometimes physical) health
atticus wilson Jun 2020
Nothing to say other than I made a mistake
And no words can fix it,
No words can fix me

Mistakes were made
I was naïve enough to think that I could fix it
That I wouldn't walk around with a weight on my chest

I thought that I could be open
To show my underbelly and that I wouldn't get hurt
That I would be relieved of all the pain I have
But it was only made worse

I made a mistake
And it was to trust that I'd be happy
atticus wilson Jun 2020
Kept in a house
And sure I have a phone
But it can’t help me

We’ve been separated for to long
We’ve lost the fire in our hearts
And replaced it with fury
But that can’t help me

I have a voice that cannot speak
I have a heart that cannot sing
I have a hand that cannot draw
And a brain that cannot think
None of those can help me

We’ve been alone for so long
That we dream of nothing but outside
Yet we fear that we won’t survive
So we just draw the curtains
Blocking out the world

We can’t reconnect quite yet
Though we wish we could
We can’t talk without a cloth in the way
But we need it if we want to stay

We wish we could enter another’s house
We wish we could just talk
But there’s nothing to talk about
So ******* bored!
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