Every though
Every outfit
Every moment
Judged by everyone
Causing nothing but anxiety
Pain
Depression
All the hate gets thrown at us
For us to hear
For us to add to the pile of hate
But that pile grows
Crushing us
Until we can’t hold it anymore
And we snap

“Why are you alive”
“You don’t deserve this”
“They would be better off without you”
“Leave and don’t come back”
“Push everyone away”

At least a quarter million words in english
And not one describes me

You know me
Here I am wanting love
And here I am telling them no
And I don’t know why
Except that I do
The people I reject are friends
People that I have brought close to me
People that I can’t stand to lose
I know that if we date, there will be an end
And then you disappear
And we leave each other wishing nothing had happened between us

Writing would help the pain go away
Or at least, that’s what I’ve been told
But really,
All it did was reopen wounds long healed
Given me a place to turn bitter
Giving me a place to ***** about this and that
“Why didn’t he like me?”
“Why did she say no?”
People are facing real problems
And here I am
******* about why I’m not happy
Even though there are much bigger problems around