I can’t forgive myself
For your mistakes
I still reflect on them as mine
I’m not fine
My freshman year of highschool was a hell
It’s a story I’d rather not tell
But then again I owe it to you- for what I didn’t say I  and what I didn’t do
I always came back to the memories of you
A homeschooled girl with Blonde hair
Going with her ambitions without a care for anyone else
As the silent clock struck quarter till 1
The devil addressed our reality with his ******* son
And a sinister smirk
That night came to lurk
And left me in murk
10 lines of powder- I was fine
Nothing wrong  with my mind
6 for you and you were gone
But you kept on going- on and on
After the ninth hit I said “Stop”
But you were insisting that you wouldn’t drop
Line 10 you weren’t fine
At 12:46 am on the 11th line you died
Into my arms you fell
And for the longest time I never would tell
Anyone of what happened on that night

Six years later
And I say
That my Dad's death wasn’t in vain
But it was yours that was harder
That cold lifeless head
Those vacant eyes blankly staring at me
Though we didn’t know for certain at the time
I had felt death and had seen it before
I knew you were dead
In the present future I stay awake
Trying to stay sober
As I reflect on my college experience
And the drug intake
This girl- Rosie she was you through and through (other than her hair color)
I Thought that was a sign
But she was taken
And even if she wasn’t
I would not make her mine
But at the same time you were on my mind
So I did drugs to ease the pain
And severely messed up my brain

Lorelei
Use your voice
And sing for the angels
And hopefully you were buried with your tennis racket
I missed your funeral
Our last memory is so surreal
Your hazel eyes met my eyes one last time and we never truly said goodbye
This book
The strife it took to make all of these poems
Doesn’t compare to the magnitude  of your death paired with my fathers
This book is dedicated to you
And all mothers and daughters
And for anyone who’s ever lost someone
Life can end as fast as a bullet flies from a shotgun

Monte avec moi
Mon amour
Pour un lieu privé
Au-delà de cet état
Au-delà de cette ville
Où l'amour peut être partagée à jamais
Dans les petites voies avec a plus subtiles
Embrasser et de toucher son bras
Et ne jamais lâcher
Lux notre fille naîtra bientôt Adieu mon amour , tu vois le matin

Whatever it means
For better or worse
We’re cursed to rehearse
Tradition and habit
Until we
Become products of circumstance


Robots
We aren’t
People, we are
Can’t wait
For life to happen
Because time waits for no one

Live while you can
Do what you must
Whatever feels natural
We may as well have fun

Routines and roulette
Time is your debt
Pay your fine
you’ll be fine
Dry your tears
With ****** Kleenexes
And rose-tinted glasses
And never kiss any *****!

Live while you can
Do what you must
Whatever feels natural
We may as well have fun

Young people
Have the most sage wisdom
Nativity is bliss

The moon lights a kiss
And a right of passage
You need fear your mistakes
Indulge in your
imperfections


Live while you can
Do what you must
Whatever feels natural
We may as well have fun

I can’t forgive myself
For your mistakes
I still reflect on them as mine
I’m not fine
My freshman year of highschool was a hell
It’s a story I’d rather not tell
But then again I owe it to you- for what I didn’t say I  and what I didn’t do
I always came back to the memories of you
A homeschooled girl with Blonde hair
Going with her ambitions without a care for anyone else
As the silent clock struck quarter till 1
The devil addressed our reality with his ******* son
And a sinister smirk
That night came to lurk
And left me in murk
10 lines of powder- I was fine
Nothing with with my mind
6 for you and you were gone
But you kept on going- on and on
After the ninth hit I said “Stop”
But you were insisting that you wouldn’t drop
Line 10 you weren’t fine
At 12:46 am on the 11th line you died
Into my arms you fell
And for the longest time I never would tell
Anyone of what happened on that night
Six years later
And I say
That my Dad's death wasn’t in vain
But it was yours that was harder
That cold lifeless head
Those vacant eyes blankly staring at me
Though we didn’t know for certain at the time
I had felt death and had seen it before
I knew you were dead
In the present future I stay awake
Trying to stay sober
As I reflect on my college experience
And the drug intake
This girl- Rosie she was you through and through (other than her hair color)
I Thought that was a sign
But she was taken
And even if she wasn’t
I would not make her mine
But at the same time you were on my mind
So I did drugs to ease the pain
And severely messed up my brain
Lorelei
Use your voice
And sing for the angels
And hopefully you were buried with your tennis racket
I missed your funeral
Our last memory is so surreal
Your hazel eyes met my eyes one last time and we never truly said goodbye
This book
The strife it took to make all of these poems
Doesn’t compare to the magnitude  of your death paired with my fathers
This book is dedicated to you
And all mothers and daughters
And for anyone who’s ever lost someone
Life can end as fast as a bullet flies from a shotgun

R.I.P.
Rest easy
You deserve it
Can’t I believe i could’ve done more
When I begin to reflect and realize  that I should have stayed by your side
Passion and pride burning inside
I can’t cancel out my pain
Or justify
My heart’s apartheid
For years I’ve hidden behind a false smile
Nobody understands the extent of my denial
Everything that I've been I've been through
Has made me stronger
Every now and again for you I want to cry
But for you in my life of ups and downs
I try to vye as I'm hanging out to dry
If She hates me for what we know what is a lie
Then letting go is even harder- I'm confused about this
After you died the only way I knew how to keep people in my life was choke them with love and attach myself to everything to aid the scars because I couldn't lose anyone else in death or untimely separation
If my Dad’s death was a star
Then you're  the broken glass on the flashlight the shattered headlight on a car
This poem is dedicated to you
My first true love
And forever friend
I'm now atoning for the one and only sin
The one I didn't ever rightfully commit
That compressed my world
Into a blunder and a blender of confusion and surreal reality
I don't remember much of 2011 after that
And if no one sees it to be true
At least I know that I was the first one to love you and vice-versa

I see the moiety as one
The obsequious masses
Blindly burning in the sun
Tell me why
We aptly succumb to the norm becoming bystanders
And why we watch desperately
For the media to report the facets
That have lasted
And most of us still actively do nothing

The world won't stop without us
But we haven't began
To make our footprints in the sand
This world is ours
And as sentient beings
It's ours to protect
by dissecting each other's intellect
And reflecting
And accepting new concepts to protect it
Instead we infect it
The moiety still unifies
To eagerly and obsequiously
Burn themselves in the sun

Flowers, promise and punishment
Divided by walls of mind
Infiltrated by transgressions  of our heart and soul
Kiss the lips that you thought you loved
Misleading feelings and false euphoria
Combine to create a deadly resolution
Revenge in the most psychologically damaging ways
Are merely a means to the end for the ‘games’ we play
Love will run after you

Knife in the Back

Do you feel alone
Disenfranchised
Destitute and defeated
I don’t have the answers you seek
But I do have a voice
And At the end of the day
You do possess
Freedom of  choice
Made by the self
Not by partisan parties
Vying for your vote
Or media
Reenforcing their doctrine and stances

Pre chorus
So raise your voice up
Against all odds
Be the individual
Be a beacon for others
Be your guiding light
Tonight, fight groupthink
Donkeys and elephants

Chorus 1

The world’s what you make it
My friends
It doesn’t have to be paved
With unanswered ends
With swelling lungs as jagged pills
Life’s a screensaver of rolling hills

Chorus 2
I’m not implying  that utopias real
bur peace could exist
Without  demo reels
Or a knife in the back
Of your free-thinking mind



Verse 2

Just close your eyes
Imagine possessing
Lenses to sift through the ****
See yourself
As a human
Of equal standing
And not as  a yes-man
Nor slave master or captain of a ship

Chorus 3


Today you’re an individual
Redeemed  of your sin
Of conformity
You don’t need to have power
To know you have a voice
And a choice
That you’ve no need
To apologize for


Bridge 2

The worlds a confusing place
But it is what we make  it
So let’s make it right
By doing right
And not just being Right

End

Don’t succumb
And be brain dead
As they wish