I'm lost in a new school in my dream
I can't figure out where to go
By the middle of it all I want to scream
School just started yet I'm failing, I know

I don't have a schedule- everyone else does
I can't find my classes or any direction
I can't even find my way back to where I was
Everything changes again in my perception

I find the library a comforting place for me
I was looking for the office - I'm happy here
I decide to stay though it's not where I should be
Because it's calming and I lose my fear

Nestled amongst books my dearest friends
I give up on looking for where I should be
I stay there until the dream ends
I'm trapped and yet here I feel free

Just before it's all over completely
I think I'm always lost in my dreams
Always a school - when I sleep this deeply
Then I woke up and wondered what it all means

I'm breaking to pieces on the inside
My words sound so frail and hollow
"I'm fine" " I'm okay" - yet again I lied
The bitter pills life gives me are hard to swallow

Reality hits me hard and I can't breathe
The anger swells within my heart
I push it down but still I seethe
This life does all it can to break me apart

These personal battles that I fight
Never seem to have an end
I'm so angry I lose my sight
Now my reality starts to bend

Sinking to the bottom of my resignation
Settling on the ocean floor
Biting back my fiery indignation
How much disrespect can I ignore

Unbridled fury flashes in my eyes
I'm sorry I let that show
I know it takes you by surprise
But I guess it's better you know

I'm consumed by my mind's corruption
In its infinite cascading spiral
Fearful of my next eruption
Because my rage is viral

These feelings wash over me
In waves that carry me away
I float on the surface of this sea
Trying not to drown - every day.

The thunder in my chest
Just won't rest
I've done my very best
And yet
The anger grows - my eyes darken
I exhale
Confusion mounts
The air is stale
My words taste bitter
I'm afraid
Of the past and future
The mistakes I've made
My heart grows darker
It's full of hate
This self loathing
Has got to change
I'm Lost in the wilderness
My soul so jaded
****** amongst these beasts
Have I faded
To a shadow of my former self
What have I become
I'm the shade of black in my heart reflected
I'm still so numb
I'm the sum of the love I've rejected
A pearl of wisdom
Cast before swine
Pining for love
That was never mine

The rope of the hangman's noose
Chokes from me all my air
I cannot set myself loose
This life was never fair

Rage will keep on knocking
Upon the door within
Until I answer and quit blocking
Is this where my healing will begin?

Misery and torment eternally in a dance
Wrapping me in a smothering embrace
Did I ever stand a chance?
Will I fade away without a trace?

The shadows swarming in my head
Were my only friends
I've found they are my enemies instead
It seems my darkness now transcends

Surpassing all comprehension
Consuming all the light my eyes once held
Feeding off my fear and tension
Leaving me a broken and hollow shell

I do not want to dwell on death
Yet it follows me around
It steals from me my breath
To this grief I'm bound

I could cut out my heart
So I could feel no more
But what pain would I impart
If I chose to not endure

There are a few who would cry
For many years after my demise
They are the reason why
Tomorrow I will rise.

Thoughts fly around me like an insect swarm
I get dizzy from their speed and voracity
They try to consume me within the storm
What can bring me back to my reality

I'm on a tirade against my own mind
Yet again carrying all the blame
Looking for a reason that I cannot find
To cast off all my shame

Grace and mercy are free gifts that I reject
Surely there are others more deserving
Of peace, kindness and respect
These thoughts are unnerving

I try to close my eyes for much needed rest
All I see on replay are my mistakes
I try to focus on how I've been blessed
While my shattered heart breaks

The tears do not flow
I can not force what will not come
This pain is endless - I know
It has gotten so bad that now I'm numb

I stay silent most days
Pretending nothing's wrong
Lost in an unending maze
Listening to the same old song

It's getting lonely in this cage
But I cannot seem to reach out
All I feel anymore is my rage
That is flooded with my doubt