Thoughts fly around me like an insect swarm
I get dizzy from their speed and voracity
They try to consume me within the storm
What can bring me back to my reality

I'm on a tirade against my own mind
Yet again carrying all the blame
Looking for a reason that I cannot find
To cast off all my shame

Grace and mercy are free gifts that I reject
Surely there are others more deserving
Of peace, kindness and respect
These thoughts are unnerving

I try to close my eyes for much needed rest
All I see on replay are my mistakes
I try to focus on how I've been blessed
While my shattered heart breaks

The tears do not flow
I can not force what will not come
This pain is endless - I know
It has gotten so bad that now I'm numb

I stay silent most days
Pretending nothing's wrong
Lost in an unending maze
Listening to the same old song

It's getting lonely in this cage
But I cannot seem to reach out
All I feel anymore is my rage
That is flooded with my doubt

I had to say my goodbyes
It's the only way to heal
Now my heart and soul cries
Yet I can't force myself to feel

Tears hide behind my eyes
I choke back my wrath
I put on a happy guise
While my thoughts are on a warpath

I can't separate truth from lies
Or feel any warmth from my past
Another part of me dies
It drowns in the sea so vast

I won't become what I despise
Bitter - Holding back the emotions
Even if it brings me to my demise
I'd rather drown in sorrows oceans

Another year gone time flies
Another heart is broken
Yet the sun will rise
Like a breathless whisper spoken

My thoughts ****** toward azure skies
Hoping someone hears my call
Listening for an answer - the wind implies
That my fear will be my downfall

Fear grips my throat
It closes -Face to face with anxiety
I start to sputter and choke
As it whispers - you can't escape reality

It holds me down
Beneath the water
I begin to drown
My lungs begin to falter

I close my eyes tight
Preparing for the end
I look around for the light
This prayer I send

"Release me from this fate
let me let go of the fear
Scrub from my mind the hate
Let me feel that you are here"

A hand reaches into the waves
That I am caught up under
A gentle face smiles - My soul is saved
He pulls me through the rolling thunder

He quiets the storm within me
He guides me through the pain
He shines on my heart His mercy
With outstretched hand He stops the rain

A quiet soul reaching out
begging to be heard
Falling through all the doubt
Like a wounded bird

Riding the downward spiral
into the convoluted mess
Pain that seems to be viral
That causes her to regress

Holding on for dear life
to the end of her rope
The thoughts sharp as a knife
Slices through her hope

As it lays there bleeding
burning down to embers
It seems she is receding
At that moment she remembers

She takes another ragged breath
And rises from the ashes
She musters all the strength she has left
All her memories come back in flashes

The reason she fights until her dying day
It renews in her the ability to press on
It keeps the darkness at bay
Until the coming dawn

The whispered words of reverie
Within a clouded mind
Coalescing grief and memory
Until they're intertwined

A dance born from fear and love
Long ago forgotten
Joy you could only dream of
That turned to nightmares - rotten

The storm gathers overhead
with the clouds in her eyes
Remembrance of those for whom she bled
she bows her head and cries

She just wishes to see their smiles
to brighten up her day
To hold their little hands for a while
But for now her world is grey

Everywhere she seems to turn
She sees their little faces
The agony continues to burn
As she walks dreamlike through these places

Looking back through time
Like a still frame on a wall
This smile is her pantomime
A lie - that is her downfall