What are you doing to yourself
Going over it again and again in your head
What purpose does this serve?
Why Linger on Words left unsaid

Why dwell in darkened memories
that refute Your Inner Strength
why do you keep yourself shackled
and keep love at arms length

--------------

Because I feel like it's deserved
For every bridge that I've burned
Each took with it pieces of my soul preserved I feel the pain has been earned

I deserve the anguish I feel
For every horrible mistake
I do not feel worthy of love that's real
I put my own life on the stake

So I will relive my every scar
over and over in my head
to make it makes sense how I got this far when long ago - I should have been dead

---------------

I do not think this is helpful
I really do not think this is right
you did not cause your misery
so lay down the burdens tonight

let yourself have some solace
give yourself an ounce of peace
rest in God's promise
and put to bed the Beast

Memories tarnished with loss
A life weighed down with fear
Who could bear this cross
Living life at the end of a spear

We do not carry the pain on our own
Even though it seems that way
We never carry the cross alone
All we need to do is pray

The pain may never disappear
But in time it may subside
We may never be rid of the fear
But we won't always have to hide

Hold on to hope, believe with all your might
See Life as a worthy adversary
Prepare each day for the fight
In time the weight will get easier to carry

The still small voice that helps you cope
That is your savior- within you
Begging you to hold on to the end of your rope
The one that presses you to continue

Life is not over - it just feels that way
Do not let the demons win the fight
Do not take your life - I beg you please stay. stay focused - do not lose sight

My shaking hands are full of uncertainty
My steel heart is buried in sorrow
My weary mind filled with absurdity
With no motivation to see tomorrow

So many people with broken souls
Walking around with walls up
Our consciousness filled with holes
Filled with loneliness because nobody calls up

Hey how you doin' are you okay
Nah not really but I got through the day
So I guess I am better than I could have been
Thanks for asking, old friend

I have these conversations with myself
Because no one really understands
So I sit here on my shelf
With my uncertain shaking hands

Shes dancing with shadows
And gets lost in the rain
She quarrels with her demons
That try to bathe in her pain

As she closes her eyes
She prays for the end
Because this life gets heavy
It gets so hard to pretend

Her tears flow freely
When she speaks the name
They soak her in loneliness
And drench her in shame

The life of a childless mother
Is a pain un-compared
Its a wonder she's breathing
With the weight she has bared

Voiceless in an endless chasm
Of fear, grief and pain
Echoing with memories
That only drive her insane

The gun looks tempting
The bullet chambered is coated in grief
She toys with the thought
Would it bring me relief

No it would only pass on the pain
It would bring no relief
It would make others suffer
It would pass on the grief.

Resonate with me for a moment
Open your heart to my mind
See me not as your opponent
For a friend in me you'll find

Lean not on the understanding of man
They will only let you down
Rise up and find your feet to stand
And straighten up your crown

You are more than what they did to you
You're more than this pain you feel
Looking back do you see how you grew
Find solace in peace and love that's real

Write yourself a letter
That lets you know you're proud
Of who you've become, how you got better
Then read the words out loud

You do this often and you will see
Progress and healing in the making
Write to you like you would a friend, kindly
Even if your hand is shaking

Tell yourself things that others forgot to
Share with the paper your desire and secrets
Share with it your dreams and be true
Show it all of your pain and regrets
In the process - get to know you

I try to keep myself distracted
From my breaking mind and heart
Over thinking how I overreacted
Trying to get the healing to start

The harder I try to heal
The more I feel attacked
The less I know what is real
The less I know how to interact

My words come out forced and slow
As my mind runs in a circle
My anger blooms and begins to show
Is this fight eternal?

Crying alone on the inside
Screams echo through my mind
It feels like I already died
In this darkened grave I lay confined

I've worn this mask for far too long
Pretending always that nothing's wrong
I always had to be the one to be strong always seeking Somewhere I Belong

The mask sinks it's Talons into my skin
I don't know where I end and The Mask begins
It seems now to be wearing thin
I thought it protected me- but it is my sin

It's the lie that I show to the world
The lie I've worn since I was a little girl
I was trained to hide all my pain
I was constrained to pretend I'm sane

I became the mirror to all who peered in
I withdrew to the iron and porcelain cage Within
Pretending always in this unending ruse
Hiding every tear and every bruise

Pretending I wasn't abused
Leaving my conscience more confused

I faked it so long I lost who I am
Condemning myself - feeling ******
No one needs to see my strife
So I've stayed hidden away all my life

Always in fear of what the world would do
If they found out my truth - if they knew
So I sublimated myself as I grew
Speaking my truth to only a few

Most often when I finally shared
My fear was realized - they abhorred me - or didn't care
Now it seems I can no longer hide
Because I can feel myself slowly dying inside

What will I do when my mask shatters
What will you do - I guess that's what matters
Will you also cast me away
Or will you still choose to stay