What most people call coping
To me is just dying slowly
I don't like the question "how are you"
I don't want to lie- but can't utter the truth

I lie with my smile
To forget for a while
How this truth is crushing me
How my past won't let me be

Sorrow darkens my door
Because I don't have you anymore
To lighten my heavy heart
Your absence tears me apart

I'm being ripped at the seams
Sifting through shattered dreams
I feel broken and tired
Lost cold and uninspired

I pray for guidance for my feet
I pray for a place to retreat
I pray for some divine relief
From all of the pain and the grief

Just a quiet moment in my mind
Solace from this world unkind
Take this from my soul so weary
Take the thoughts dark and dreary

Hanging tight to the end of my rope
Finding faith in the ashes of hope
A light far ahead in the dark
I only see a glint of a spark

I love you
I love you
I love you
More than Life itself
That is why
we have to say goodbye

I know you will be happy
I know you will find joy and peace
I know that you will be free
Find a way for faith to increase

Look for me in the rain
In the sunrise and the moon
Let go of all your pain
We will see each other soon

It may not be tomorrow
Or even in this life
But lean on Christ through sorrow
and He will take from you your strife

I will think of you every moment
Of every day I live
Because my love for you is potent
Remember the words I give

I will pray for you all the time
That your faith remains strong
So we can be together after the climb
Up to heaven, to join the angels song

They took you away
But they can not take our love
I will see you again one day
Even if its in heaven above

I died a thousand deaths
within my heart and mind
I took my final breaths
and left the world behind

I don't let my thoughts wander
within these things for long
I can't let myself ponder
on feelings that grow this strong

I can't look toward the future
nor linger in my past
My heart I must suture
or this day might be my last

I pray to God to take me
I am not afraid to say
Because death might make me free
But here I will stay

I will wait on God
I will try to find a purpose
I will put on a happy façade
and continue in this circus

I don't want to die
But I don't want to keep living
I can't keep up the lie
of the smile that I keep giving

The cracks in the mask keep growing
I am afraid that everyone will see
That the seeds I have been sowing
are slowly killing me.

I've lost everything
All meaning to live
All urge to keep breathing
my mind funnels through a sieve
It divides the joy and the sorrow
The fear and the pain
The darkness of tomorrow
From the soft summer rain
I stand in the middle of all of my grief
I search for an answer
Yet find no relief
The pain grows like a cancer
Heavy and deep in my chest
I don't want to go on without you
But they say its for the best
Those words sting, in ways I never knew

What do I do with all of the tears
Will they cause me to drown?
Where do I put all the fears
Before they put me in the ground

I won't give up because I know you're out there
Wondering if I am okay
Although this life has been far from fair
I will keep breathing through today

I won't give up the love we have shared
I won't let losing you **** me
I know it is my cross to be bared

You struck the match
That lit the bridge on fire
As it began to catch
My life joined the pyre

You pointed and said
"She is out of control"
You pulled the thread
It unraveled my soul

You left me shattered
And uninspired
My mind battered
My heart grows tired

You erased all my doubt
I finally stood up and turned away
I finally cut you out
With the knife you gave me anyway

Think of soft purple sunsets
as you drift off to sleep
Let go of pain and regrets
Please do not weep

Close your eyes
get some well deserved rest
Look forward to the surprise
As your imagination proves you are blessed

You have the power to reach for the stars
Remember I love you no matter how far
I know you are with me in my heart
That life has many ways to restart

Remember all the times we have shared
remember your worth
Remember I held you when you were scared
Remember the wisdom that you unearth

Sleep in peace
and rise and shine
Say your prayers that never cease
And know that you are mine

I've been lost and all alone
Never finding a home
Fighting battles on my own
Or so I thought it had to be
Until God laid his grace on me

I pushed my will until it shattered
Loved until my heart was battered
Until all my thoughts were scattered
So I give Him my thoughts will and heart
As I pray for a brand new start