The cigarettes burn a hole
Right through my soul
But the feeling makes me know I'm alive
It reminds me of how I survived

I relive how I suffered every day
The living nightmares never go away
I never get a break from the thoughts in my head
Don't mourn me when I am finally dead

The grave is not something I fear
I will greet death as a friend so dear
Don't cry for me when I go home
I will be free from the pain I've always known

I am not eager to leave this life behind
I will go when it's the time that's assigned
Don't get the wrong idea - I don't want to die
I just want to live for more than to cry

I know that I'm blessed with each breath that I take
I should be thankful for each love and each ache
I grow so tired of the taste of sorrow
But I know it builds strength for tomorrow

I know there will eventually be rest
From the pain I carry in my chest
I know deep down where my home is
I know I can find peace, for I am His

How was I supposed to grow
When you watered me with fear and doubt
How was I supposed to know
What you could never figure out
How were you supposed to teach me
What you could never learn
How to truly love and feel empathy
Instead of letting the anger burn

Now I water the garden of my heart with tears
and I can never seem to figure out
why my mind is consumed while it feasts on fears
Or what I am going so crazy about

In my darkest hour I'll sing your praise
In the valley of death, I'll have no fear
I will still worship you all of my days
Because you proved your love to be sincere
Jesus gave up His life for me
He rose up to conquer death and the grave
He did it all to set us free
He lived, died, and rose for our souls to save
He sent down the Holy Spirit to be our guide
It spreads God's wisdom and love
It shows us grace and mercy from the inside
As it rains down from the Father above

Thank you for taking me into your heart
and showing me the meaning of family
For showering me in love from the start
For cleansing my heart of all its debris

You dusted off and healed my broken wings
when you took me under yours
You renewed my soul - and now she sings
You opened my eyes to how to end the wars

You are the mother that I never had before
You showed me what that love is supposed to be
You're crowned in God's grace - Of this, I'm sure
Thank you for how you teach love to me

You hold peace I never knew
Founded in faith that glows in your eyes
It shows in every word you say and all you do
You are a treasure, a true prize.