Was I ungrateful
For the life that I'd been given
Was I foolish in my thinking
That my past had been forgiven

I love them all so much
I want to hug them - feel their touch
"A pat on the face for mother"
Can heal a heart like no other

I am a broken poet
who has lost her muse
my mind blackened and I know it
But I won't give up, I refuse

I won't let the devil lie to me
I will feel peace through praise
I will be set free

I will break the petty cycles that kept me as a slave
I will not be buried alive in an unmarked grave
I will find grace
In Jesus' name

Another year older
The world gave me the cold shoulder
I've grown a little bit bolder
But I wasn't built to be a soldier

I am tired in this war
with little strength
and less to fight for
I feel like I am knocking on a door
that will never open

Life rocked me like a baby
then threw me from the nest
while everyone looked at my broken life
and whispered its for the best

The air was robbed from my chest
my heart torn from my breast
this silence steals from me my rest
I'm a  mess

Their faces shine in my mind
their voices ring like echos down empty halls
I hear their calls for mommy
and feel myself fall
as my muscles unwind

I reach for them in my dreams
but they are always further than it seems
too far to touch or hold
they can't hear my screams
'Mommy's here to love you,
I put no one else above you
I need you night and day
without you my heart has flown away
I am always stressing about how you are
I know we are so far
but baby look up at the stars, I am too
and when I see the moon
I only think of you
I pray you sleep
like the angels are there to keep
all nightmares away.
My love is never ending
I hope you feel the prayers I keep on sending
that they take away your fears
your tears
and give you a new beginning
where happiness is abounding
with a peace that is astounding
Love is bountiful if you seek it

I miss you all so much I sometimes can't bear it
I can't sleep without seeing your faces
In all of our old places
I think I learned what God's grace is

I wish I had found out sooner
I wish I had not taken our time for granted
because the love that God has planted
will never ever wither

I'm not ready  to let you go
I'm not ready for goodbye
I want you to know
My love will never die
And you will always be my babies
and when I look up to the skies
All I see are your beautiful eyes

In every child's face I see your smile
Its replaced with you and me
Holding hands carefree'

God - why does this feel like dying
why hours of useless crying
What have I been denying
Why is this life so terrifying
Why do I always feel alone
Why is my heart turning back to stone
Except when I hear their voices through the phone
that is the only joy I've got, then its done
and I am alone with my thoughts
they are polluted and they drown me
in brackish waters
as I think of my sons and daughter
and where I went so wrong
how I must have failed all along


The Lord giveth & The Lord taketh away
but at least - all of my babies are alive today.
Thank you.

You never knew me
You just knew what you wanted me to be
You never loved me
You only love what sets you free
I'd rather light the bridge to burn
Than let you incinerate my life
You want respect you could never earn
I was stabbed in the back - you held the knife

You never noticed my pain
You sought to cause me more for your own gain
You led my hopes and dreams to the slaughter
You protected everyone but your daughter
So I won't call you mother anymore
I'm tearing down what love I had - stripping it to the floor

You can't control me because I am letting go
The manipulations are over - no more causing my fears to flow
I know you're angry, and you will cast the blame
You always do, because you're too afraid of shame
You'll never see the pain that you've wrought
that'd take accountability and that can't be bought

I'm completely through
Im tired of living for you
When with every word You spit in my face
Then painted me the disgrace

So go on keep defending the abusers
Go on and **** up to the users
Hate me if it helps you sleep at night
But don't forget you started this fight

Shots fired shots fired
When my soul was already tired
You hit me when I was already down
Then straightened your corrupted crown

What do you do when your dream becomes your nightmare
and everyone around you acts like they don't care  
all they ever say is get over it
As if it wasn't hard enough to admit
That you're not okay
that you feel like you're insane
You're thoughts begin to fray
and all you feel is pain

you feel your heart grow numb
you feel worthless with every thought
no matter how far you've come
No matter how many battles you've fought

What matters is that you win today
That you're just keep breathing and healing
That you don't let the sorrow stay
No matter how bad you're feeling

Remember there's always a glimmer in the dark
that to ignite a fire - all it takes is a spark
That you have the power over your own mind
your hope is hiding - if you search, you'll find

Joy is on the horizon rising with the sun
Don't give up, your journeys just begun
Weeping may last through the night
But the stars still shine so bright

Healing is a harrowing endeavor
That is always rough and steep
Pain and fear don't last forever
Remember that as you fall to sleep.

I just let them call me broken
Because they make it hard to speak
I can't help it I'm soft spoken
I can't help it that I feel so weak

After the abuse had ended
The words continued in my head
These voices I had befriended
Seemed to only want me dead

They keep me trapped in my past
Like a phantom
They keep me locked up in the dark
With no key
They keep me from feeling freedom
Because the voices all come from me

Pain took hold of my senses
Fear stole the breath from my chest
I tried to bolster my defenses
I thought it was for the best

Every thought feels like a blade
That rips right through my soul
In the prison my mind has made
My personal hell swallows me whole

All I did was cage myself in with the beast
That the monsters had made out of me
It tears me apart, my heart as its feast
I built walls so no one else can see

The echos of my tears and sorrow
Travel through my wounded mind
I can't believe I'll be better tomorrow
I just pray its hope that I find

Don't bother reaching out anymore
Remember you chose to walk away
You turned your back - shut the door
Ill keep it locked - that's how it'll stay

I'm through being a puppet in this game
You can hate me for all I care
In the end it's all the same
Even if it isn't fair

Even if you're screaming - crying
The bridge is burned I won't answer the call
You won't find me don't bother trying
I refuse to watch you fall

Don't you dare say you love me - not now
It wouldn't do you any good it'll just hurt
It isn't really true anyhow
At this point I won't hear it - just divert

So I will whisper goodbye on the breeze
Ill kiss my past farewell
Ill let the love I had for you freeze
Its already so close - I can tell

You ruined everything we once had
I needed you and you left me to decay
I will do the same - isn't it sad
That there's nothing left to say

I'm a broken spoken word poet
Who's hurt but doesn't show it
The current of despair pulls me below it
I'm stronger than this and I know it

My words fall short I grow quiet
Though in my mind there's a riot
Ill hang my heart out to dry it
From the tears I supply it

I have to fight through or die trying
I say I'm fine but they know I'm lying
Because the pain that I've been denying
Keeps me alone and silent while I'm crying

So I'll just keep on writing
Ill never give up fighting
The sorrow that keeps on biting
The darkness that feels so inviting

I just wish someone had told me
That my demons can't console me
That I didn't have to let them enfold me
I'm renewed and they all will behold me

The lies that my mind has sold me
Can no longer control me
These demons can not hold me
Because I'm casting off the old me


I'm turning away from a tortured past
I'm through holding dreams not meant to last
I'm done feeling drowned and downcast
I have my new lease on life and I'm holding fast

I am climbing up from the end of my rope
I found faith when I ran out of hope
I hit rock bottom sliding down a *****
I prayed when I had no other way to cope

Doing this I found wisdom and understanding
With knowledge of peace expanding
But letting go seems so demanding
As does the pain I'm withstanding