I'm sad and lonely. I miss home. I'm a miserable mess.

Homesick.

I'm drunk as ****. He looked at my Instagram story as soon as I was thinking of him. I liked his ****** photo. **** I miss him so much. I want to text him that I miss him. Why?

I'll regret it. So I won't

It's almost been a month since I've seen him. Three weeks since we have texted. Why do I still miss this man?

****. I'm still In love.
Lust.

I'm drunk.

Milk
Salad
Tomatoes
Bananas
Ground beef
Carrots
Cereal
Pop tarts
Yogurt
Fruit on sale
A new heart

I take hot baths every night. I make the water as hot as it gets and yet, it still isn’t hot enough to singe away the pain from the day. I soak for over an hour in hopes that when I dry off, I’ll be a new woman.

I’m walking down the long and lonely hallway to my apartment door.
Every time I turn the corner, I wish you’d be standing there.
I imagine in my head running towards you with tears down my face and kissing you. So happy to have you here.
But I know that’ll never happen.
On the phone last night you mentioned how you and I will never see each other again.
Ever.
I fake a smile and laugh because I know you’re right.
The unfortunate thing about my mind is I’m a daydreamer and you’re a realist. My head is always up in the clouds and you bring me down to earth. I don’t want to believe it but maybe you’re right.
Is it so crazy for me to admit I’m falling in love?
Although I think it’s normal, my friends call me insane and I’m starting to think you think it’s insane as well.
I don’t want to meet someone else. I don’t want to meet someone who I will always try to compare to you. I don’t want to meet someone who won’t try to get to know me like you did.
If I do, I’ll close my eyes while he kisses me and I’ll be hoping that when I open my eyes, it’s you I see.
I am only fooling myself.
I am a firm believer that the universe sends people into your life for a reason.

Don’t be sad, he says, I’m not trying to make you sad.
I like talking to you.
Maybe for now, this is as good as it gets,

I remember when seeing your name pop upon my phone made my heart flutter. I couldn’t wait to open your text but delayed the process so the excitement would build. Now I see your name when you view my Snapchat story and all I feel is sadness.

All day long exhaustion plagues my body
I dream of my bed during the morning hours-when the sun kisses my eyelids
But when nighttime finally rolls around, the only thing that falls are tears from my eyes
I’ll never get used to sleeping alone
I’m trying to get used to being alone
And all I want to do is pick up the phone
Tell you I miss you and I’m sorry
For what? Yeah I don’t know
It wasn’t my fault that this ended, it was yours
Yet I’m willing to put the past in the past and come on baby, let’s try to make this last
I just want a warm body next to me