SUFFERING

But I don’t care this pain is too great
And the only power I’ve ever had is the power of hate

I have lived and raged in fear
Of what I might do
And I sit here in my chair
Will my legs to move

I have always lived a wild life
Forever cast in flames
I have always lived with unending strife
And unending unyielding pain

Suffering is my drug
And i smoke it down the straw
I always wanted to love
But it is always blood I draw

So I say to you,
Friends of my past
Today this day is the final goodbye
This breath will be my last.

I wish I could go through with it
But i am too scared
So I sit and torture myself
Strapped to my chair

Unmoving in my solitude
Unyielding in my pain
Thinking of things that I might do
To never see anyone again.

But this has been my life
For better or for worse
I have no more wise words
Just to finally end this curse

So I wonder what I might do
How the river will flow
And i wonder what my friends will do
When they finally see me go

I sit here in my chair
Longing for the end
I sit here in my despair
Longing for a friend

For someone to pull me out of this
Like the hand of god
That called my name when I was insane
And delivered me from the hod

God my insane belief
That talks to me when I’m psychotic
Seems to be a defense relief
From this pain that is chronic

But these poems are terrible,
These rhyming is oblique,
I type and write for my life
And no one will ever read

So I push on like the horse and cart
Willing myself to work
Carrying a mountain and broken heart
That has never seemed to work.

And I will get through this by blood and bone
By will and grit and strength alone
Grind my legs like a whetting stone
And push on to claim my throne

Because she said I wasn’t a king,
It was just defense
Of the pain I feel as sharp as steel
Around my heart is that fence

So i cut it open,
and let the blood pour out
And now I feel the pain I need to heal
So I can know without any doubt

That I will be whole,
That my heart will be healed,
That my shame and guilt and soul and pain,
That I will myself to heel

So I push on to give me time,
Yet another day
I push on and give myself,
Pain to keep it at bay

And I hope that one day I can be free
Of the suffering that torments me
Or at least darkness will let me be
For a while just so I can see

A son I do not have
A daughter I do not know
A family I wish i had
That I could love and watch grow

So for that I will try stay strong,
Forever and for love
And I will find a place where I belong,
Whether its here or far above.

A woman sat on an open plain,
A bed of flowers and great trees in her view
A man worked hard in great pain
But this was a man she knew

The man had worked hard all his life
Her presence kept him content
To protect her at all cost with all his might
And all his money he sent

He wondered why was it so
After all these many years
That he had fought and toilet high and low
To never see her tears

He wandered over to the chair
And asked her with a frown
Why do I do my fair share
But never I wear the crown

She smiled like a radiant sun
Beaming at her man
Let me tell you how you have won
With the love of a woman

When you work hard with your labor
I am here to clean you up
When you strive to do me favors
I bring you win in a cup

When you fight to keep us whole
Through the wrath of any storm
I keep you humble of the soul
I cuddle close to keep you warm

And when you're feeling down and blue
When you have so much work to do
You always know my love is true
And I will help you through and through

With that the man sat
Next to his loving wife
He never doubted that
He had won at life