Forget the future, forget the past
Don't get ******* in those places
Live for today like it's your last
without tying your shoelaces

My starsign is a capricorn
and this is what it wrote
"You think you are a unicorn
but you are just a goat

Standing on a mountain top
thinking you're a leader
But really your life is a flop
and you're a bottom feeder

Meanwhile your future is so glum
that's beyond hilarious
maybe the blame rests with your mum
you're not a Sagittarius"

There's a forest fire in Spain
and a typhoon in Japan
India's in floods from heavy rain
and an earthquake in Bhutan

There's a virus outbreak on a cruise
a ten car pile up on a bridge
and we just received some breaking news
there is no milk in the fridge

and the breaking came with quite a smash
like a collision of tectonic plates
then a loud thump and then a crash
and the slamming of front gates

so you might hear a disturbance great
with wives spitting like they're llamas
that's why early morning in aisle eight
there are husbands in pyjamas

I need to buy myself new legs
and adjust my thighs
Then remove those dark sleep bags
from beneath my eyes

Get myself a brand new nose
one without a hook
so that i can sideways pose
and not look like a crook

Maybe i should change my face
the whole saggy lot
and pick a more exotic race
as long as i look hot

With my surgeon I'll discuss
my new look and design
It won't be long till all of us
becomes a Frankenstein

Copernicus liked to count
all the stars in the sky
until he reached an amount
that was much too high

Copernicus then started counting
once more from the start
but this time as he was recounting
he made himself a chart

Copernicus then saw it clear
as the last star he would enter
was a star that always has been near
and placed his wife at his life's centre

These days all that I look forward to
is a lazy lazy Sunday
before I'm thrown back inside the zoo
on a crazy crazy Monday

In a cage with lions, wolves and snakes
and silly chimpanzees
Allowed only two five minute breaks
from stinging busy bees

I count each minute until five
then bolt free like a horse
so I can breathe and briefly feel alive
because a mad mad Tuesdays worse

"God sees everything we do"
I saw it last night on a sign
I certainly hope that isn't true
he'll know I'm drinking too much wine

and that I have a smoke or three
sometimes it includes a ****
and my browsing history
is filled with websites that are wrong

This feels really so unfair
I don't know what God does each day ?
I'm sure when he has time to spare
he has a glass of chardonnay