Thank you,
Thank you for showing me how to love. Thank you for the fun memories I hope they were worth it. Thank you for showing me pain that I’ve never felt before. Thank you for being the first. Thank you for going to my games and saying I played great even though you don’t know how the game works and we lost. Thank you for being patent with me. Thank you for being a reason to live for. Thank you for my work ethic, because of you I worked my *** off so you didn’t have to pay for anything. Thank you for driving me places when I didn’t have my license yet. Thank you for showing me how I can be so ignorant. Thank you for showing me pain that I’ve never felt before. Thank you for being the one that walked away. Thank you for teaching me how to conceal every emotion pouring out of me deep down to the point it hurts. Thank you. Thank you for everything. You’re probably never going to read this but if you do, I would go through it all again in a heartbeat.

I want to find happiness. The thing about that is that it feels close to impossible to do so.  I’m sick and tired of feeling this way. I don’t want to live my life this way. But I live my life making others happy. Or I try to at the least. But I hurt you. More than anything and I know that I can’t do anything. And until the day I die I would do anything I can do to make you happy. I love you… still.

ive lost track of the time
the days
and the tears.
ive spent countless hours distracting myself by watching netflix and anime
and i always end up in bed and crying. not sure how.
its the only thing to make myself feel better.

I'm at the point where i just want to drink and pop till i forget.  like i said when you asked" Someone that can understand where i go and the circumstances that come with it" and then later down the road back out. it hurts

I want to be happy.
I wish I can be happy.
But I can’t be happy.

I want to love.
I wish I can love.
But I can’t love.

I want to forget
I wish I can forget.
But I can’t forget.

I want to care about someone.
I wish I can care about someone.
But I can’t care about someone.

I want to forget.
I wish I can forget.
But I can’t forget.

a faint clap of thunder ,
clouded skies,
perhaps rain comes,
if so will you stay here with me?

I feel numb
I feel tired all the time
I've stopped caring
I've been so scared
I don't even fear death at this point.
If I were to meet death
It would be with open arms.