April 17th

In the eternal cold, dark and void,
Where drifting clouds make up everything we know,
Where terrible storms are givers of life,
Where the strongest prevail over anything else,
There is a bright star.

A pulsar in the void
Shining bright, untamed, wild
In this chaos there is order
The order of that pulsar
Even though there’s hundreds of stars
Only few shine as bright

Not everyone can see this
Some people think all stars shine equally bright
Some misinterpret brightness
Some don’t want to see
But I do
I see the pulsar
Shining bright, untamed, wild
And I admit I’m lucky to see the stars
In the void and chaos
Sometimes I believe this happens because I’m a star too
I know that I can shine bright
Brighter than most of the clutter out there,
Or at least, I thought

From the tiny corner of the void I could see
I knew I was always the brightest
No one could challenge me
A king on a tiny hill
But that changed

My tiny corner of the void got a little bigger
And I saw something new
A pulsar in the void
Shines bright, strong
Few things look this bright
And it terrifies me

It terrifies me because now I’m but a dormant star
I always knew how bright I could shine
But never tried to shine that bright
Today I see a pulsar in the void
And realize that I’m not the brightest one anymore

I need to shine brighter now
But I don’t know if it’s too late
I’m but a dormant star
Shadow of a former glory
A small brown dwarf
Staring at a pulsar in the void
And the idea of not being able to shine as bright
Terrifies me.

March 30th

Personally tailored love,
Romance,
Find that special someone
What are you looking for?
Is it adventurous?
Is it an artist?
Is it 5’7 or more?
We got it all,
Just tell us what you want,
Tell us what you are,
And we’ll tailor a love for you,
A romance,
Just tap, swipe, like and dislike
Welcome to love in the digital world.

Cleanse the day that I was left alone from my memory
Cleanse the time I discovered heartbreak from my soul
Cleanse the persons that made me doubt myself from my life
Cleanse the insecurities that flood life from my path
Cleanse the room that almost saw the end of me
Cleanse the rooftop where I immortalized a story that had ended
Cleanse the insults that i've heard from my ears
Cleanse the offenses that i've witnessed from my eyes
Cleanse the marks that foreign hands left on my skin
Cleanse, Cleanse, Cleanse
Purify my soul
Make me better
So one day
I can cleanse you to

March 31st

What have you done,
Many times I have seen heartbreak, I have seen sadness,
I have come face to face with the greatest darkness
In my bones and in my skin I have felt what it is to lose it all
But I have never seen this.

This is beyond what you can imagine
And there is moments, trust me, where all I want to do is storm into your room and scream from the top of my lungs,
Scream to your face,
Scare that hopeless romantic from within you and show you what you've done
This damage might be beyond repair and that terrifies me,
I can’t even go to bed anymore because I’m scared that there will be no tomorrow

If something happens to her, it will be my demise
And I would make sure that,
Before i burn out,
It’s also yours

Please be strong, I don’t know what to tell you nor what to do
Just, please, please, please hold on
Don’t let go
Embrace me with all your strengths
Because I will never let you go
But now I know that it might be even too late for that

There is nothing I can do to help her now,
I have come face to face with the greatest darkness
And not even that prepared me for what I’m seeing now
She is not even there anymore

**** you for taking her smile away
**** you for taking her sleep away
**** you for taking that laugh
**** you for taking those dreams
**** you for taking the reasons
**** you for taking that light
And may ******* you if you take her

Please, my girl, don’t cry
I k̶n̶o̶w̶ hope t̶h̶a̶t̶ everything i̶s̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ will be fine,
I don’t know when, or how
Just, please, my girl, don’t cry

March 31st

Pensé en ti por primera vez en semanas el día de hoy,
No me había dado cuenta que no habías estado en mi mente,
Creo que me estaba acostumbrando a tu ausencia,
Pero el día de hoy pensé en ti

Estaba desayunando, era una mañana mas
Y me encontré mirando a alguien que llamaba mi atención entre toda la gente ahí,
No era consciente del porque
Pero por alguna razón te miraba

Después me inundaron los recuerdos,
Y supe que de todas las caras en ese lugar eras la mas familiar
Por que eras tu
Y en ese momento pensé en ti
Y recordé lo que perdí

Te extrañé en ese momento
Deseé que por un instante dejáramos todo de lado
Y estuvieras ahí conmigo por un minuto

Lo éramos todo, no necesitábamos a nadie
Por que no teníamos a nadie
Éramos fuertes juntos
Por que nadie mas estaba ahí para nosotros

Rey y Reina,
Nadie podía tomar nuestra corona
Tocamos el cielo
Mientras nos intentaban arrastrar al infierno
Pero lo logramos

Eso fue hace un año,
Ahora todo ha cambiado
Duele el pensar en el pasado
Lo que fue
Lo que fuimos
Lo que importaste
Lo que ahora no es

Hoy,
Pensé en ti por primera vez en semanas,
No me había dado cuenta que no habías estado en mi mente,
Y solo se una cosa,
Aun dueles como desde ese primer día.

I realized that I feel a high from many things
I feel a high when I get home from a long day at work
I feel a high when I get to sleep for an extra 30 minutes
I feel a high from a warm shower to ease any stress
I feel a high from the hug of a loved one
I feel a high from the caress of my parents
I feel a high when the chords I build up in my guitar make sense
I feel a high when I hear a song I love
I feel a high from the slow and gentle flow of words into a piece of paper
I feel a high from looking at the stars
Looking at the sea
Looking at the sky
I feel a high from a cup of coffee
I feel a high when laughing with my friends
I feel a high when I let my creativity flow
I feel a high when I figure something out
I feel a high from working for people in need
I feel a high from giving my time for nothing in exchange
I feel a high from the prayers of thankful children
I feel a high from helping to make the world a better place to be

I realized something else too…
I don’t need the touch of your hands to feel a high.

I’m sorry darling, but it doesn’t work that way,
You don’t get to say you miss me,
You don’t get to remember those good times,
After all, it was you who walked away.

I’m sorry darling, but it doesn’t work that way,
You don’t get to text me that you need me,
That you love me,
When you gave me your back in a moment where I needed you,
When you ignored my affection, the fact that I cared for you,
When you ignored the days I would carry your emotions upon my shoulder,
Just to make you smile, make everything better.

I’m sorry darling, but it doesn’t work that way,
You don’t get to come looking for me, not today,
Not the day that your bed is cold again,
Not the day that other embracing arms leave,
Not the night that the solitude settles in again under your sheets,
Not the night that you realize how you closed your eyes to our dreams.

You don’t get to miss me,
Not tonight,
Because,
I’m sorry darling, but it doesn’t work that way.

March 30th

What if today was the last time I saw you,
What if today was the last time I came over

I would probably tell you to keep my guitar,
I would miss it a lot, it would be giving a part of me,
But it isn’t as if I hadn’t already given all I had

My mom would ask me about that,
She would be worried confused and upset,
Still, dealing with her and the questions and worries that would arise
Would be less painful than having to see you for one last time

You would text me tomorrow, waiting for my reply
You would be worried and look for me
I would never make it to the park where we are supposed to meet
I wouldn’t see you that afternoon
I wouldn’t see you in mass on Sunday
I wouldn’t see you for lunch and after my class on Monday
I wouldn’t go with you to your house for Easter
Your parents would ask what happened,
You would say you don’t know and would have to fight the tears as you do so

You would wonder what’s wrong with you,
Why people you love vanish suddenly and don’t leave a trace
And I say, it’s not you
But its everyone else
As of me, it would be the way I can see a storm even in the brightest days

Would you cry?
Would you doubt?
Would you really look for me?
Or would you settle for a new reality,

If you cry,
If you doubt,
If you look for me,
Then I would know that I was, as always, wrong

But I have no way to know,
Unless if today was the last time I saw you.