When your near and I stare into your eyes
I wonder
What do you carry with you?
Are these burdens heavy?
Do they weigh you down?
Is that why you feel like an anchor
Stuck in this small town?
You write cute poems in a notebook
Carry it everywhere
Say no one understands you
Do you understand yourself?
I wonder what you carry
And if it’s holding you back
This life is heavy sometimes
You wear it on your back
You said your mother used to hit you
Your father was checked out
And from a young age you were angry
Played the devils hand at every chance.
And you acted like a devil
But said when true evil crossed your path
You felt pity instead of fear
You said you could feel
the baggage on their back.
And I wonder what you carry with you
Does your load haunt your soul
Is the burden heavy
Does it drag you into the undertow?

Been dancing by yourself
In the dark
For too long.
Always in a bad space
Head is filled with
Too much sad.
But every now and then
You smile
But you take it back
Like it was a bad word
And you are a child.
I’ve watched you stare
Out into stars
Waiting for someone
To pull you down.
Like your stuck in this world
In a giant waiting room
To be picked
But you just
Sit and wait.
And it’s eating you alive
But your bones are strong you say,
They’re not gunna get you
Not like this.
They had you on suicide watch
Behind glass like an animal
Pacing back and forth
But this ain’t a zoo
It’s your life.
So you keep dancing in the dark
All alone
Like a star of your own show
It’s easy when you know,
This is as good as it gets.

How could we be creators of such great love
And then just let it go?
We should be ashamed
How could we say to each other
That we would never leave
And then one day never speak again
Not even as friends
It’s sad and it’s a shame
To have loved so hard and thrown it all away
Killers of the greatest love the world has ever known
And now it’s like it never even happened
A memory not even good enough to haunt me
And so it stirs above in the stars
With every other love that’s died and been forgotten
A universe of killers of love

In a basement apartment
You fester with your demons
Till they tear right through
Been angry for to long
Nothing makes sense anymore
Wide eye expression when you turn on the lights
You keep it dark to hide from the light
Her memory creeps into your mind like poison in the night
It happens every time
Stretching through your veins likes vines
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
You weren’t always this way
Is there a cure?
A friend had mentioned religion
Said you should prey to God
But you don’t believe
And you probably never did
Your not the type to be saved
Your mother tried when you were young
To give you faith
But it didn’t stick
It only made you sick
Pushed you in the direction of foul things
What is the remedy
To heal the enemy
That’s living within you
You’ve seen better days
how you’d wish to be
Back there
Back anywhere but here

Your feet in the sand
Of a beach
on the other side of the world
And I can’t understand
How you made past the front door

Im caught up in the in between
I can’t make it past the start
I don’t even know where that is
It’s something out of a dream

So when the  bc phone doesn’t ring
Im not surprised
I don’t know why
I even have this thing

In a catatonic state
To busy to eat
But so much time on my hands
It’s a wonder I can even speak

Don’t let the monster out
I keep telling myself
Keep it buried deep
But it wants to feed

Don’t let the monster out
Oh what fun we could have
Keep it buried deep
Don’t listen when it speaks

Oh but it’s so convincing
Knows just what to say
I don’t dare to release it
It wants to eat

I come home to an empty apartment
Your not there again
And I’m left with the stars and the moon spinning in my head

I used to love you
Now I hate you
And I don’t remember it happening
But it did

Your not who you said you were
Your a liar
Or I’m a fool
I prefer the former
I’m to selfish myself

I used to walk Side by side with you
Now I feel miles apart
You used to hold a special place in my heart
Now it’s just darkness and pain

I used to love you
Now I hate you
Your a bad memory
I wish that I could forget you
Like you forgot me

oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan
To fall in love with a narcissist
And be the one who only thinks of themselves

I’m in shock
Shake me off
I need to get back to myself
This really isn’t me
Im a shell of my former self

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
Someone wake me
Am I still dreaming?
It’s a joke
But at least the punchline is funny

I showed you mine
And you took it and ran
Past the finish line with my heart in your hand
You showed me yours
that day

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
The man on the corner was screaming
“What happened to my country”
As you were saying something cynical
“It’s always been this way.”

The dreams all came here to die
We all make it up as we go along
Waiting for that burning sun to go out
We’ll all have such a good time

We follow the ambulance sirens
Just to see something real
Just adding fuel to the fire
And you asked
How does it make you feel?

Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****
This wasn’t part of the plan