I’ve never been to California
But I don’t think that I’d like it
I’m the type to second guess
And I don’t think I’d make it
I’m so pessimistic
It eats me alive
But on a good day
I day dream
And It’s not so bad

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

Long car rides calm me down
I always say to myself
“This time I won’t come back.”
But I always do
So predictable
Always on cue

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
And then I wake up
They say it’s gets easier
But maybe I’m tired of waiting

Singing along  to New Slang by the Shins
In some girls living room
Sharing the same headphones
I remember thinking
“This is what music should be.”
now we don’t even speak  

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

I never know what to say
In an awkward situation
I smile when I’m nervous
I don’t speak
I can get anxious
I’m tired of being tired
I’m sad from being sad so long

I feel like I’ve been standing still
Waiting in an endless line
An unknown destination
I wish I could leave my mind
Be anywhere but here

There is no cause for alarm
Everything will be fine
We tell ourselves
the funniest things sometimes  

What’s there to smile for
I say to myself in the mirror
Out of fear I agree
Say something smart and walk away
All my friends say I am weird
That’s ok cause I am
That’s the plan
To keep everyone away

There is no cause for alarm
Everything will be fine
We tell ourselves
the funniest things sometimes

I call your phone
but you don’t answer
Your out there
dancing in the dark.
And some point in between
Drinking and
playing make believe
I make peace with it all
We’re not kids anymore
We can’t get away with bad words
They stick around
And they sting and sometimes
Make you want to rip out your heart
I left a voicemail once
Silent as the stars above
You didn’t respond anyway
I laugh at it now
When I’m feeling down
It makes me feel better
That it makes no sense
Just something I let
stain the walls of my head
Like a pacing tiger in a cage
I lay in my bed
the ceiling a stage
For the memory of what could have been
No missed calls
Not ever
not even once
The dial tone puts me to sleep
A lullaby of static brings peace
Just one more try before I go to sleep
I’m a glutton for punishment
A problematic trait
That describes me

You’re always welcomed to ask questions, but the answer?
I don’t think so.
You’re always welcomed  to get angry or frustrated,
but my response?
Is my own.
You’re always welcomed to have an opinion,
but to be shared
It can’t be assumed.
You’re always welcomed  to leave,
but to be chased
isn’t the truth.

Well the bar closes early on Mondays and they want us to leave.
So we stumble out into the night our hearts on our sleeves.
Partners in crime, we rob each other’s hearts.
But like each other’s Robin Hood,  we replace what was hurt.
And bury each other’s sadness deep in the dirt.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die, then live on without you.

The street lights are blinking, as we dance in the street.
No longer the villains of our own story.
We kiss under the street light
Your lips are a treat
A reward for this hell on earth.
I ponder what this life was before you.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die then live on without you.

Your laughing at your own jokes again.
The ride home is your stage, your the audience and comedian.
And I’m just in awe that your coming home with me.
Some say true love doesn’t exist.
But they haven’t bared witness to this.

You can have my heart if you wanted.
I’d rip it out and happily hand it to you.
You can have my soul if you wanted.
I’d happily die, then live on without you.

A click away from banishment
A dystopian reality
Handcuffed to this roller coaster
I wish this was a dream
Plugged into this digital universe
Addicted to the screen
When I want people to know I’m angry
I tweet the angry emoji
High on notifications
Staying away from reality
Hiding behind a screen name
I Am God243

Flatlining on an incline
A car rolling, in a car crash
Rain pouring, storm overhead
This stories not my own
I am not the one to whom this pain belongs

It’s a sick joke
And this time I’m not the punchline
I’m just here
Flatlining on an incline

I’m alive but I feel dead inside
Like a ghost walking from room to room
I wonder if it’s to soon to assume
That anyone misses me

And just like that
I awake from a dream
Flatlining on an incline
In a hospital bed In New Jersey