I am ok,
If I stay alone.
More than me is a burden,
Can you tell by my crazy tone?
It's weird...
I force myself to accept that I need nor want anyone.
So...when I am done.
I am by myself.
I am mature...but not mature?
An old soul,
Insightful to weird as mole.
So...I stay,
And say,
Companionship,
With me...
Could not be a relationship.
I could never be a positive in life...
With so many negatives...
Twisted sharp like a knife,
I don't want death.  
I just want entertainment forever.
Immortal, but never to go through a portal.
Only to read and watch.
Alone.
That would be nice.
But here is the splice.
I do...want companionship.
A relationship.
But what girl would ever want me back, and me her.
What guy would ever be friends with me, and me him.
To hangout.
To have the same fun.
Same humor.
None.

Drown in tears,
Drown in love,
Drown in fears,
From above,
From below,
Sad fellow,
Simply bellow,
Against the pain,
Against the lack,
Just show your best,
Against your own,
Want to slack,
Pick up,
And push ahead,
Because if you let go,
You'll only feel lead.
Poisoned wine,
Oh so fine,
Don't fall off,
The balance line,
Cause there is no net,
Within your life,
To catch your fall,
Only strife.

Yeah, I have thoughts.
Thoughts of people I have known.
I always go to far.
Push myself.
Farther under the bar.
It doesn't help.
That these fantasies are not good.
And would never be real.
It's not even something.
To I really appeal.
Other people have this problem.
And I would sob for them.
If I could cry more normally.
I knew about this stuff.
Ever since I was four.
I mean really.
It's pretty hard not to know.
Of things like a ***.
And so.
It may continue to go.
Even though...
I could try to stop.
I could stop.
I could let it drop.
Just ignore any feeling of that...sense.
And be as sturdy as some of a cop.
I will.
And you cannot judge that I used to.
Or do.
Because even though it's more private.
You probably do it too.

I feel.
It is unjust.
To only provide a child.
With distrust.
When it is not their fault.
They want privacy.
Or an escape.
From society.
I feel.
It is unjust.
To limit.
Their own de-stress.
Their only bless.
Though I must confess.
Some of these.
May not be what is best.
Or match.
With the moral attest.
But if it doesn't hurt.
Then it is only fair.
To trust in them.
To be aware.
Of the difference.
Between addiction and obsession.
Versus just an affection.
No matter what activity it is.
As long as it meets moral standards.
Then it should not be called upon.
With distrust and interference and somewhat offensive comments.
About the simple biz.

It's shiver.
It's a spur.
Inappropriate.
Some cure.
Help.
Good sir.
Hello madam.
I'm a child.
Much to wild.
Thought I was mild.
I thought ridiculous.
When I said insane.
But now there is,
Something wrong with my brain.
Casausing any respect,
To just be pain.
It's taking reign.
The lazy.
The original.
Becoming worse.
And closing as main.
Taking control,
Of I what I had stole,
Tried to fix,
Now it just licks,
Teasing the end.
I tried to stop,
No more depend
But now I have sunk,
Into the deep end.
I don't think I can fend.
I tried to defend,
Any progress I'd made,
But now to others,
I just offend,
What is been paid,
My effort,
Small bit of sanity,
Now it's debt.
My mind decomposing.
Reasoning opposing.
****** context corroding.
No more coding.
No more to help.
I am out of what I need.
I don't know what it is.
The sanity I no longer bleed?
The voice I didn't feed?
My mind is hazy.
You can really call me crazy,
Cause I really feel it breaking,
No longer stopping forsaking.
I can't stop faking.
The lies will continue raking.
The stories continue taking.
No more trust.
I am now in rust.
I hurt.
The only people who may have liked me,
Probably felt bad for me.
That's most likely.
A lot of people,
May think I am just a steeple,
Something to have crumble,
Climb over,
To meet actual people.
I ruin any social contact.
Where did I sign,
Can I burn the contract?
I don't like this.
It was worthless.
Doomed from the beginning.
You can insert this.
Into a record of the failures.
I don't need friends.
I need to leave.
Only believe.
In my imagination.
I can't escape,
What is me.
Sorry.
I hope my classmates see this.
I apologise.
For the trouble I caused.
I'll never get better.
I want to stay paused.
Muted.
Because only then,
Can people accept me,
So I am sorry.
I wish I was better.
But it was done long ago.
The tendrils in stone.
I am irratation to the bone.
Hide me in a cone.
Never contact me,
I am used to it.
Don't need you to phone.
I'd rather stay alone.

She's tired,
MIT hired,
That is aspired,
For her I am dire,
As she is my fire,
This is as usual,
Easily confusable,
For being unique,
Like a life's peak,
But this rarity is weak,
This is common in the week,
My like/love for her will leak,
Sometimes through her eyes,
I can see beauty and peace,
She walks as elegant as a fleece,
Admiration is what I release,
Because nothing more is allowed,
Her singing shows wide and proud,
With her hair as soft as a cloud...
This can be you,
A man grateful with you as their boo,
Or maybe not,
Just don't be a thot,
If you are alone,
Your still beautiful on your own.

I am sometimes offended.
Though I feel I am not supposed to be.
When it is said that may perspective.
I full of negativity.
When they say I am closed.
To social activity.
They say I am black and white.
But if I have time.
I can show what really lives in me.
An insightful, peaceful soul.
Or just a different personality.
I am 90% sure.
This is just now my reality.
Actuality.
I have a calm side.
I just need time.
I didn't think I had a problem.
In previous therapy.
And in the most recent one.
I just wanted to not follow insanity.
Trying something again and again.
And expecting a different result.
At least, I am not going to expect a better result.
I don't want to waste time.
Trying the same method.
Crying to the failure of method.
Though I don't cry anymore.
Saying I don't have more then one perspective.
Is only true in the moment.
Which is only sometimes true.
This false accusation.
Anytime my tone.
Anytime sarcastic.
Smart alack or spastic.
I wonder if it's just a rue.
To get me in trouble.
Put me in more rubble.
I am only annoying.
When I am bored.
Floored.
Or my mind is thrown overboard.
I like isolation.
The peace of disconnection.
Because I don't have to deal with.
The non-pleasant and helpful content.
In my surroundings.
It helps not burst from stress.
From the constant press.
My calm is more.
My hyper is less.
This does not mean I am not extroverted.
Social.
Or introverted.
It is my relief.
In the form most converted.
I have other options.
This one is just more enjoyable.
Electronics.
Since I was four years old.
This is better then some.
And does not make me a ***.
I am not dependent.
Obsessed.
Addicted.
Saying that.
Makes me offended.
I just have a positive relationship.
With technological companion-ship.
Gaming.
Music.
I am not feign to it.
Now, this is just to explain for the problems and complaints.
That way I can stay in my happy paints.
Although I do actually wonder.
If I am cocky, arrogant, or seemingly too self confident?

Dependent on who?
Dependent on you.
What you ask me too,
I will most likely do.
Depending on trust.
Once again fussed.
I am still bad at it,
Still being mad at it.
Because I don't get it.
From people or reason.
And if it's fair,
It feels like treason.
People don't trust me.
Especially my peers.
It doesn't bring me to tears,
But it is one of my fears.
That I will never hangout.
And without much doubt,
Be in relationship.
Because it's not what I am about.
Or it is really,
But most people would not appeal to me.
Not even have a feel to me.
Only if they feel bad,
Would they ever want to steal to me.
I think I get it.
I still get offended.
When people insult me,
I have no need to be salty,
Because I have already told myself,
What I could say to someone else.
Call me depressed,
But I'm just trying,
Trying to understand,
Why stuff comes round,
Just like a rubber band,
Choking on sand,
Some times it's rough,
And it may make me tough,
But that won't help me enough.
All these problems,
Trust is a real bust,
It always is in rust.
For anyone I friend,
I don't have the must.

Think of something positive.
A flower.
Thorns without a rose.
Butterfly.
Pretty enough to die.
A child.
Prey to the evil eye.
Hope.
Something that is used to control you.
Block you from the truth.
A sin.
Something where everyone's been.
A positive thought,
Is a beginning of a negative.
Multiple.
Inside people.
Tell me something positive.
It turns into the creeping vines,
Disgusting and disturbing lines,
That lead my story,
Into something scary,
Dark.
Depleted of any kind of good.
Based off the dark inside,
I have discovered it all.
Yet I don't fall.
It's just in me.
A home it can crawl back to anytime,
A continuous lyric in a rhyme.
Call me the walking thought of crime.
Torture.
Hurt.
Not the real thing,
But full of the thought.
You have positivity?
You better run.
Escape.  
Because your prey.