In contemplation,
I’m unsure of how to proceed
When voices of doubt speak in harmony.

I’m shackled in this charade of living,
Unable to appease this mind of forgery.

In consternation,
I’m unsure of anything within
When these sardonic thoughts are my certainty.

Is it really okay to be redeemed
Within this shell of violent tendencies?

it’s a place that rings familiar
but is a counterfeit conman of peculiar pallor;
in this place, day explodes into a mesmerizing orange like no other, with churned clouds that smile in pain,
laugh with blood-stained lips as they creep closer.
in this place, the laughter comes easier.

this heart beats, but i loathe it
along with this body that shouldn’t exist.
i long for something, but my mind resists,
even as a weariness embraces me.
a deadline that I cannot contend,
it chokes me of all of the living left.

i won’t forget that failed wish,
not until that failed breath.

that your god has no gods,
and that with mercy, they are endowed.
rejoice in a despot's blessing that enables the obscene,
gives you power that only you can perceive.

pray, as your numbers dwindle under uncertainty’s gaze.

I’m scared, with no more words to say
As I reach for an existence that fades away.

I’m alone again, and cold breaths begin
From a body stiffening like a statue, so sullen.

I’m crying, but no tears will leak
And into these bones, nostalgia seeps.

Into this stupor, I can let apathy take me -
To feeling's demise, to the edges of sanity.

**** those smiles, the pleasantries;
let the blame blossom and inflame,
for when tortured
a painted face will become contorted.

so, remember that laughter, so joyous
as it distorts into insanity’s haze,
and cradle a false picture
as we fall together towards despair’s happy place.

don’t decay with me,
not as this stay subsides.
don’t stay and see,
for I won’t confide.

let the silence accompany.