nyc, morning
an ocean of cars
lights
sirens
sunshine
i have no idea how long i've been wandering
something is wrong with the sidewalk
it rises, like waves on the water
i don't mind
i am completely free

two of the worlds loneliest people
sitting side-by-side on the train
seeing each other every day on the way to work
never knowing the other feels exactly the same
all it takes is a smile, or a wave
people will reciprocate!
hoping for someone to reach out a hand
to grab life by the throat and shake it awake
the feelings they share that they're too scared to show
the feelings we all have that nobody knows.

i'm stumbling over fault lines
reaching for something i'll never find
occupied by thoughts that weren't even mine
run down by four rotting horses
ridden by four rusted men
who preach of the apocalypse
and promise to keep me safe until the end
and i'm intrigued by all the things they've told me
i don't mind being alone, i just hate being lonely
cause love made simple is hard to hold
and all their threats are just getting old
how do you forget everything you've learned?
what's the journey worth, if you'll never return?
living divided
not by distance or meaning
but miles of bridges burned
fire fills my eye
as i turn for one last look at that ****** place
stopped by a sight i'll never forget
in the middle of hell, an angels face

and i dig until my fingers are black
looking for what i lack
all i find are worms and dirt
my head is sore and my back hurts
i can still hear the last words that you told me
"i don't mind being alone, i just hate feeling lonely"
and i cage my tongue
in the space behind my teeth
i'm counting 5.4.3.2.1.
i'm remembering how to breathe
cause if you say you never loved me
i'll know you're still a liar
and if i say i never wondered
i deserve every inch of this terrible fire

it was late, but that's what i'm here for. you called, crying, begging for help. i asked your name, address, and tried to keep you calm. you kept shouting "blue! blue! blue!" over and over and over and over...
i told you it was an accident, but that didn't make it any easier. as i drove home, i could still hear your screams. your life would never be the same again. neither would mine.
i got home and let myself in. the kids were asleep, as they should be. i climb the stairs, my feet weighted. you rest heavy in my mind. as i open the door and look down at her, resting as soundly as an angel, i realize it hurts worst knowing you'll never know this again. i go in and take her in my arms. i hug her. i cry.
how could such unconscious actions lead to so much pain? how could you ever get a restful nights sleep again? fleeting glimpses, your world in your hands. the devil smiles while god laughs at all our plans. you prayed in vain and god ignored your pain.

you left, fled out west
each night since, i come home to find your light still off
you went to find yourself; i stayed lost
don't get me wrong, i'm glad to chose to go
finding things i could never hope to know
i just never expected...
when i came to get you from the plane
i mean, i knew things would change
but i kind of expected we'd be the same
we're just always moving furniture around
he shook my hand with a smile
like an old friend i hadn't seen in awhile
it didn't make sense, until i saw you
holding tightly to his hand
i realized i was your ride
and he was your man
at baggage claim, it took all i had
to smile and tell you i was glad
that you were finally happy
and i wished you two the best
one phrase kept repeating in my head
"i wish you'd never left! i wish you'd never left! i wish you'd never left!"

found herself alone again
and she begged for life and love
she's wished more times than there are stars in the sky
same as it ever was
same as it ever was

he spoke of was and when
to the moon perched high above
but the moon made no reply
same as it ever was
same as it ever was

some days i don't feel like waking up. but i can hear you tell me to try a little harder. stop standing in my own way. it'll be better today.

it's been so touch-and-go, i don't even know what it's about anymore. so many words. not nearly as many meanings. pretending like i've ever learned anything.

just a time and a place and a name. a wooden frame and a photograph.

the candles have all burned out but the memory remains.

You can't win them all; a man is who he is, and killing's no way to make a living. Some thing like that, you can't take back. Right, wrong, whatever. That stink will stick. Still, each night you run on home to mother and tell her "everything's going to be alright," and you know it is, because there's always enough love in the valley.
.

the holiest of holies
and i dare not speak your name
i'm not worthy of your love
but i'll ruin you just the same
you're the child in a minefield
i'm a bomb that lies in wait
not considered providence
no, i wouldn't call it fate
as you place water upon
these parched and broken lips
i draw you in with an innocent smile
then bite your hands off at the wrist

you built a castle together
it wasn't perfect, but it was yours
you danced, hand in hand, through it's halls
you sat next to each other in its thrones

one day you came home
to find a tower tumbled to the ground
shattered to its foundation
its brick thrown all around

you swore that you forgave her
although she didn't seem too worried
you promised it could be rebuilt
although you never would

one day you came home
and heard her laughing in the halls
she was walking with someone else
when you were mad, she told you you were being ridiculous

you swore that you'd forget it
but she'd already moved on
she asked about the tower you had yet to fix
she asked what was taking you so long

one day you came home
and could see her tearing down an entire wall
you shouted for her to stop
but she was mesmerized by the fall

you told her it was an accident
there was no blame to place
as you looked around
thought there was no way she'd do all this on purpose

but still the halls are quiet
you spend each dinner inside your head
and each night as you lay to sleep
you migrate to the other side of the bed

one day she said spoke of a trip
one that would take her months
you cried and told her that you'd miss her
but inside your heart was still

for months you sat alone
heard his echo in your halls
felt the cold chill on your skin
let in through the broken wall

the tower was still torn down
everything broken had stayed the same
you wondered as she traveled
if she spoke of him, if she ever used your name

finally, she returned
apologetic and ready to be true
she begged for your forgiveness
it was the least you could do

so you built back up the tower
you patched together the wall
you added locks to all the doors
but knew it would never be the same

so you stayed inside
a forced smile on your face
if this was all you wanted
why did you feel this way?

three months then crawled by
you knew she felt the same
the castle held more than the two of you
it also housed the blame

the relationship turned to competition
of who could last the longest
it came to a boiling point
on night in the middle of august

you awoke to find yourself
covered in her blood
you knew this was inevitable
for those who couldn't let go of love

you buried her in the back
marked her grave "the one who just couldn't stay true"
you knew you didn't have to
but it was the least that you could do.