you built a castle together
it wasn't perfect, but it was yours
you danced, hand in hand, through it's halls
you sat next to each other in its thrones

one day you came home
to find a tower tumbled to the ground
shattered to its foundation
its brick thrown all around

you swore that you forgave her
although she didn't seem too worried
you promised it could be rebuilt
although you never would

one day you came home
and heard her laughing in the halls
she was walking with someone else
when you were mad, she told you you were being ridiculous

you swore that you'd forget it
but she'd already moved on
she asked about the tower you had yet to fix
she asked what was taking you so long

one day you came home
and could see her tearing down an entire wall
you shouted for her to stop
but she was mesmerized by the fall

you told her it was an accident
there was no blame to place
as you looked around
thought there was no way she'd do all this on purpose

but still the halls are quiet
you spend each dinner inside your head
and each night as you lay to sleep
you migrate to the other side of the bed

one day she said spoke of a trip
one that would take her months
you cried and told her that you'd miss her
but inside your heart was still

for months you sat alone
heard his echo in your halls
felt the cold chill on your skin
let in through the broken wall

the tower was still torn down
everything broken had stayed the same
you wondered as she traveled
if she spoke of him, if she ever used your name

finally, she returned
apologetic and ready to be true
she begged for your forgiveness
it was the least you could do

so you built back up the tower
you patched together the wall
you added locks to all the doors
but knew it would never be the same

so you stayed inside
a forced smile on your face
if this was all you wanted
why did you feel this way?

three months then crawled by
you knew she felt the same
the castle held more than the two of you
it also housed the blame

the relationship turned to competition
of who could last the longest
it came to a boiling point
on night in the middle of august

you awoke to find yourself
covered in her blood
you knew this was inevitable
for those who couldn't let go of love

you buried her in the back
marked her grave "the one who just couldn't stay true"
you knew you didn't have to
but it was the least that you could do.

and you find yourself alone again
you realize that this isn't a phase
it's the overwhelming trend

there's miles still to go
and days before you sleep
it's been 27 years and
you still don't know what it is you need

your neck cramps up
your back aches
your eyes burn
your hand shakes

you say you don't care
but oh, you do
repeat til they all believe
but you know it's never been true

get home
find they're all gone
dry your eyes
and drive on

and i know you're tortured by the taste
and the thoughts of what you've left
you tried to impose order
but instead it's still a mess
we tend to follow feelings
instead of what we're told
i've never felt so alone
i've never felt so cold
maybe love and logic
are mutually exclusive
what room is there for logic
when we return to love abusive
as i turn for one last look
at that ****** place
how strange it is to see
in the middle of hell, an angels face
i stifle all the tears
and i am never come back
hopefully the next one
makes up for what i lack

I sing of "Beautiful you"
and it makes me want to choke
i avoid the eyes of the angel, lest i be ******
i fill a diary
with all the ways i'm doomed
i want to fight
i want to join a club
i am haunted
by these invisible monsters
while they sing their lullabies
i try to make something up
rendered a pygmy
always ranting, raving
***** out all the candles
the truth is stranger than fiction
i am a survivor
this is nothing but a tell-all

talked of dropping him at the hospital
but we settled on the park
we got him in the car and
we waited til it got dark

we found an empty spot
and we laid him on the bench
we wondered about the difference
between enemies and friends

one last look goodbye
then we slid into the night
and god bless whoever found him
since then, none of us have felt right

we saved the mourning for the morning
at the funeral we acted surprised
but i couldn't shake the feeling
of his stapled and judgemental eyes.

keep it like a secret
bury it safe inside your chest
give a toast to what they've taken
and cheers to what they've left

then, beget a curse
on all you tried to save
spit in the face of innocence
better a master than a slave

dampen the fire in those eyes
before you lose control
meditate on love and loss
and sacrifice that temporary soul

and suddenly, we awoke
frozen and unable to laugh
your eyes burned right through me
strange thoughts on another nervous night

do you believe in karma?
the rope cuts through me
as deep as any knife

it might not be what i deserve
it might not be enough

i asked, but you gave me no response.

i could tell it was happy
the day i set it free
i've watched it grow
i've watched it change
i've watched it always
while i'm still the exact same
it beckons applause
it wins awards
it leaves a trail of smiles in its wake
there's always something it's working towards
i've watched it
ever since i set it free
and in all this time
it's never once looked back to me

a lonely room that houses
a lonely chair that holds
a lonely man that hasn't
risen in days finds the strength to say
these walls have ears!
these walls have ears!
old man, you have no idea!
press that little life to your heart
continue to pray the pain away
your whispers leave traces
it's all that you have left
there will be no second night!
now, close those simple eyes
and burn! my god!
old man, you have no idea

there is no weight in the words you use
i wish i could forget you and it makes me sick
i know that someday i'll be alright
i'm just so tired of all this wasted time

what am i still doing here?
i've already said too much
the rain falls on my shoulders
loosens the fragile grip i have

and as it all comes crumbling down
it brings a smile to my face
save me from what's average
bury me with purpose

please hold these skeletal remains
you know i want to
but i was born to run away
i'd loved you once but then you changed
i wish that i still could
there's no point in trying to explained
the suns sinks below the waves
the blossoms bloomed
and withered the very same day
we're all on our own tonight
a clash of sparks
there's static on the radio
it weighs like a stone around my neck
it drags me down
and i don't recognize anything when i look back
so put my back against the wall
cover my mouth
stop me from cursing it all
just cause we kissed on lovers lips
and signed a pact with both our blood
we held hands and then we jumped
and halfway down i realized none of that means that this is love

when you called to cancel
i was already in the parking lot
still i stayed around
drinking for whatever, i forgot
someone shouts "last call!"
so here's to the end of days
all the maybe memories
and the things we never got to say
the problem with attention
is that no one ever gets enough
until a "best night ever"
ends with fists and handcuffs
there's no such thing
as an ordinary life
but i wanted to die on my feet
i wanted this to be a legendary night

the sound of a disembodied voice
causes him to rise for the first time in days
shaken by the suddenness and
shocked by what he heard it say
the most difficult thing in life
it's not doubting what lies above
it's not forgetting what you lost
is not losing what you love
we all come close together
only to fall right back apart
our hopes are waking dreams
that we've lost before the start
everything is static
nothing is the same
leave faith to feed the wolves
drown the fear and shame
burn that hope of yours
tread heavy on its ash
push all that you find inside
but save yourself a match
because when all that's left
is your sad, pale frame
finish it off with one last breath
let the smoke pour out his name

those tears
are an acceptable
expression of guilt

search through me
with such hollow eyes
while i sit and wonder
what you'll find inside

so open the hymnal
and sing the songs
and tell everyone how
you spoke the truth all along

how heavens empty
and this is all there is
how they'll never make
amends with all they've missed

preach forgiveness while
you take from behind their backs
tell how gods just a *******
who'll never forgive us for what we lack

rip off your robes
and burn down the cross
make the confident question
leave the found, now lost

the worlds two loneliest people
sit beside each other ever day
but they live up in their towers
from which they never stray

there is one window
but there are no doors
there are endless stairs
connecting empty floors

a rope bridge runs between
the two stone towers
maintained but never used
over golden fields of flowers

they look out occasionally
and sometimes see each other
they'd each like to meet
but each leaves it to the other

and nothing ever changes
and each of them die alone
each wishing they'd taken those first few steps
a mutually feeling never known

it's 3 am and i can't sleep
you're always there
a weight upon my mind

the moon doesn't care if i live or die
i thought i knew myself
i thought my heart was cold

but it's 3 am and i can't sleep
your picture stares at me from the wall
the wind blows through the open window

i take a walk outside
find myself reflected by the river
i can no longer hide it

and it's 3 am
and i can't sleep

Justice exists in the world
but it can't be everywhere
for everyone
all of the time
The idea that good things
happen to bad people and
bad things happen to good people
is a mistake
There is only good
bad
and people doing what they can
with what they find in front of them
Yes, it's beautiful
and it's okay that it doesn't mean anything to you.