walking alone one night
and the wind, it blows
wondering of time and space
love and other things i'll never know
before i knew it,
i was back in my own yard
the glow was gone
my mind was back on guard
another miserable december
no, i know i'm not dead
i know i'll make it through
but blood flows harshly in my head
the moon glares down
followed closely by its army
back inside, inside the bed
where it's never able to find me
feeling the call of sleep
but staying awake instead
rather stay where i can find you
rather keep my mind inside my head.

and we're burning down the places
that we swore we'd never leave
you're all exaggerated gestures but
no one can tell just what it means
stumbling around with ****** knees
broken noses and a split lip
you're begging for the cure
we'll do whatever we can for it
the last book read was buried
so many years ago
all you want is to go home
but can't tell which way to go
and i've forgiven everything
that you said
although i must confess
i still want you dead
you pull me up
only to push me back
i'll figure it out myself
without the weight of what you lack.

hopping fences
under faint street lights
i mean, everybody does
picking splinters while we discuss
all the possibilities
of what will be and what was

and i know myself
better than anyone else
so save yourself

i think there's a god
and good or bad
he ignores either way
in the middle of the night
he listening with my friends
when i kneel at my bedside and pray

and i pray for myself
and everybody else
and the only one he helps
is himself

and i threw the match
and lit the funeral pyre
i prayed one final time
blew a kiss to my friends
and gave myself to the fire.

she constantly knew more
than she was willing to say
her eyes always gave her away

i reached for her
as she stared out
into the distance

she asked me
"if you knew now
what you'll know then
would you still do it all again?"

i held her hand and said
"no matter what the future brings
i'll always choose the very same thing."

she smiled like she understood
and we embraced.
i don't think she truly believed me
and it's been years since i've seen her face.

Sometimes I look at people
as something disposable.
It's never how they said it'd be.
Nothing ever is.
I have my moments
but I know I'm
just a big coward.
Everyone has their moments
but we all know we're
all just a bunch of cowards.
Selfish.
Grandiose.
Narcissistic.
Afraid.
All this freedom is dangerous.
Left free and we're
reconsidering
analyzing
questioning.
If there was a better way to go
we'd have found it by now.
Come close, I have something to tell you.
I'd give up everything I've got
for just a little peace of mind.