Silently
   She built a wall
Silently
   Because it was
Too hard to explain why

Silently
   She built a wall
Stepped behind
   To hide her self
No one could hurt her now

Silently
   She hid her pain
Silently
   She let none near
The wall was not enough

Silently
    She built more walls
Silently
   She made a fort
Encompassed by her walls

The walls let
   No Light inside
The Silence
   Became a tomb
Her heart became a stone

“That girl in the photo,
who wears a smile upon her face

with twinkles in her eyes

and a skin that glows

You have no idea

how she once struggled

In finding herself

and in fighting for her

many dreams
That girl in the photo,
she once cried for

365 consecutive days

and suffered eight years

of depression
That girl in the photo,
she once thought that

her body was fat

and starved herself
 for days
That girl in the photo,
she once wanted to
 **** herself with her
bare hands and just 
disappear
That girl in the photo,

she once hated herself 
for the way that 
she wasn’t perfection any aspect
That girl in the photo,
she was a wall flower 
who was thought to be
anti-social because
 she was quiet
That girl in the photo,

she once had best friends
 that she loved
 but lost them when 
they left her
That girl in the photo,
she had parents who
 restricted her freedom
and criticized her 
for being useless
That girl in the photo,
 she had her heart broken
 one too many times

and lost herself 
in so many ways
That girl in the photo,
you have no idea
how much she cried 
and wanted to end
 her precious life
That girl in the photo,
she grew out of it one day
 when she started to learn
to love herself 
for who she was
And now,
it is your turn”

I used to clothe myself in others
cover every square inch of me
with someone else.
I wore war paint, and Camouflage. But no one tells you
when you put those layers on
how difficult it is to scrub them off

that girl in the photo,
who wears a smile upon her face
with twinkles in her eyes
and a skin that glows
you have no idea

you have no idea
how once struggled
in finding herself
and fighting for her
many dreams

that girl in the photo,
she once cried for
365 consecutive days
and suffered eight years
of depression

that girl in the photo,
she once thought that
her body was fat
and starved herself
for days

that girl in the photo,
she once hated herself
for the way that
she wasn't perfect
in any aspect

that girl in the photo,
she was a wallflower
who was thought to be
anti-social because
she was quiet

that girl in the photo,
she had her heart broken
one too many times
and lost herself
in so many ways

that girl in the photo,
you have no idea
how much she cried
and wanted to end
her precious life

or "let's order takeout,"
or "small ineptitudes in the kitchen"


1.

butter
lop
it liberally
silver clinging

scrape it
pan side
sputters and hissing
smoky?

turn the heat
down
crimsoning
elemental

browning the
butter


2.

sizzling whites
diaphanous
stiffly whitened

bubbles surface
spatula stroking
poly—

tetrafluoroethylene
roll the egg
yolk

shattering
yellow


3.

****! the water
nothing—
evaporated

gasping
blue effluvium
windows
fanblades

blackened ***
the bite of a
char upon
it

tea for
tomorrow

You played piano almost as well as you played with my heartstrings.
You live with excitement nobody can echo with a voice
stronger than yours. I was following my heart, as you had
directed me to do. I found myself at your doorstep. You always claimed I'd be the last
person you'd turn away. I can be strong for the both of us and go, but I know
someday I'll find myself wandering back to the light at the end of your drive. I hope
you won't let me in. You were never one to invite strangers inside.
If we meet again, will I have the chance to introduce myself as
someone other than your killer? Murdering you
in my own attempt to destroy myself was never my intention. Speaking to
your back was the only easy way to say "I love you".
I hope you always turn around when you're headed my direction. I hope
you always stay the same. I hope you never forgive me.

I smile through the blood
And laugh with every hit
Smell the ***** on his breath
Won't be the last time yet 
Got scabs on his forearms 
And anger in his eyes 
Throws me around and 
My cracked lips smeared
With his hate coming down in 
Ruby red droplets
He grabs me and hates me 
But I already forgave him
For tomorrows bruises
Long as I don't lose him 
Big as a rock 
Only thing that anchors me
But he is lost in his own sea
I see him drowning in his eyes 
Confusion sweeping over him 
Lays himself down on the couch 
And I flee to our room 
And land on the bed
Feeling skin puff up
Here and and there
Feelings forgotten with each
Band aid,
Will I ever be loved? 
I wipe the blood from my mouth an spit it out, grinning
Big and laughing,
No, no one could ever love
A ****** skinny fool
Like me.