You get me wrapped up in this feeling that this is important
That this is something good
And then she messages you at 2am when you're wrapped in my arms and it reminds me
I don't get to have you
This is simply a shared release that leaves me bare and tender

I wish you could see yourself how I do
You're so ******* beautiful
The way you move and speak and are is unparalleled
You glow.
And you see yourself as a pale light half broken and unworthy of being lit
But you are the kind of person I would gladly be broken for
And I'm okay with holding your spark up until you're ready to hold it up yourself

When you took my innocence you didn't take it in one fell swoop.
You took it when all my stern plea's of denial turned into silence
And with all those rough touches when I didn't want a touch at all
And all these small harmful things that broke down something in me until I couldn't build it back up again
I will be okay.
But I hate that you've shaken the core that made me a person I liked once before.
I hate that thing's bypass my hard outer layer and hit my centre with a sharp jab and a painful inhale

I like your bones.
I like that steady foundation still being built and ever changing inside of you that makes you a person with ideas and thoughts and feelings and morals unshakable by a gentle breeze or a hard shove
I like watching you unfold
I like watching the pieces fit together and grow and change and soften
I like the tender spots that hurt and that steel spine that keeps the soft inside and protected

I taste pennies on your lips and I swear nothing has ever been sweeter

What happened to us.
One day you stopped trying to open my head and my chest to pick at my secret's
One day my secret's just became mine again
No longer something we shared between the sheets in hushed whispers when the world was long past asleep

You're scared to look at me because I'm the part of yourself you lock in a box and leave to collect dust
I'm the reflection you're terrified to face

It'd be easier if I could distance myself
I know you don't want this
Want me
Yet every time you're in my bed you look at me in this secret way that makes me feel like you see me
And it chips at a piece of me
Knowing this is something real and sweet and tender and someone crushed your trust enough that you can't bare to face another risk

There's been a hole in my heart for years now
You left me because you couldn't handle the world and that's okay
But my heart will forever ache with what you used to make me feel and I so badly wish I could have said something to make you stay
I hope wherever you went was better than the life you knew
I will miss you always

It's easy to forget I have feelings
I bury them so deep I lose all my words until it feels like I never had anything to say in the first place

I feel like I have spent my life trying to keep steady on shifting sand
Never being able to relax and take a full breath
Never being able to feel like I've found a home for body or soul
Will I ever find a place to plant my feet safely?