Dear L,

i fell in love unintentionally
i didnt plan it
i didnt want it
it just happened

it was no mistake
you make me feel some kind of way
that i cannot explain
im comfortable around you
you are good for me
the way you are

and still
i love you

i am so sorry
for what will be
for all the sadness i will
put us through

i am drained
for our love is wrong in so many ways
it doesnt feel like it
and it shouldnt be wrong
and yet
it still is

do you understand that
i just want to be happy
and i just want you
to be happy
but both wont work

I didnt want to have to choose
i didnt want that
i just wanted to follow
my heart
to see where it will take me
i didnt want to have to
choose

this will be the saddest
i have ever gone through


i love you so much
it hurts

you are my
weltschmerz

It was the cigarette
You lit when you stood infront of me
And did not say a word
You did not offer me one
You usually do

It was the cigarette
You lit when i lit mine
I asked for your lighter
You gave it to me silently

I talked
You listened
I begged you to say something, anything
You said "It is what it is"
I went on talking
You went on listening










We kissed.






It was the cigarette you lit
After offering me one
It was me who declined
As I took my own pack
And lit my own cigarette

That was the end.

I sometimes remind myself of you
with your ****** fists and smelly breath
you breathe out the anger,
you've been bottling up inside of yourself,
all in my face
funny it smells like alcohol

just as I thought I was over you and your hatred
I notice I still have your eyes and your nose
your fists too

I hate that I find pieces of you within me
and I cannot escape
to be who I want to be
you're holding me hostage inside my own body
I see you in my dreams telling me it's all going to be alright
I see you in the mirror, you've been crying all night

I hate that I blame you, you used to blame me too
for what's going on in your head
you let your fists speak first
I'm becoming more like you

we might look like
same eyes, the same nose

your heart is nothing like mine
i forgave you every single time