Blessed are the eyes of the poets
who see a deeper truth.

I fell in love
With your
Laughter
And your smile
Your jokes
And stories
I fell for
The way you
Wrap your
Arms around me
The way you
Comfort me
And the way
You make my
Heart flutter
I fell
For the way
You looked at me
And the way
You cared
Unlike any other
I fell for
The way
You made me happy
And I fell
For your
Craziness
Because
You fell for mine.

"You can't win the war if your mind is always starting the fight"
I stop cold in my tracks upon hearing this.
My heart thumps slowly,
my mind is blank.
"win the war"?
By this time in my life
the idea of winning the war inside
is so foreign
I hardly process it.

"win the war"
I search inside and find ruins,
the war ended long ago,
it raged filthy
and strong
and deep
and my frail body could not fight back.

"win the war",
nearly an insult
to my body
which is now just a tomb,
a deprived carcass
whose flesh was picked off
by the crows
long before I was told it was possible to
"win the war"

The war took my mind
swallowed my soul
drowned my heart
and doused the air in flames.

There is no longer a war to win,
only a forgotten soldier to bury.

I have never quite understood it,
But every now and then,
A smile that is very rare appears on your face.
I doubt you even realize it.

It creeps out when you sing in the car.
When you are proud.
When you hold a volleyball in your fingertips.
When you look at the mountains.

And I wish there was a way for me to capture that.
You don't know the pride I have in you,
My little sister,
When you grin like the world
Does not control your mouth.

I want you to know you can smile.
You have every right.
Let your eyes be the sunshine,
Let your lips paint the canvas
In shades of yellow, pink, and orange.
Stretch your arms out wide so you can
Welcome each soul with kindness,
Because I know that's who you are.

I know this because I am her, too,
The girl with stars in her eyes
And her heart on her sleeve.
And let me tell you,
There is not a better place to wear it,
Because the pain that comes with it
Is so worth the beauty that follows.
Because the people that break your heart
Will always be followed by the ones
That have been picking up the pieces
So they could return them to you.

All of me wishes you knew your inner beauty.
Of course you are gorgeous outside, as well,
But dig deep,
Shovel down in to your soul until you see the gem.
And I cannot believe you do not already,
Because you shine so brightly
That even the moon pales in comparison.

Karena, you are compassionate.
You feel things that people overpass;
You are the definition of a "friend."
Forgive, forgive, forgive...
Because you do not have time to hate.
Holding grudges is not your style;
And although I do not always think it's wise,
I admire you very much for that.
You see the good in others.
Thank you
For seeing the good in me.

Remember, forever and always,
That I love you.
I'm always your biggest fan.
We've been through it all together,
And that will never change.
Don't lose the spark in your eyes,
Or the warmth in your heart.
Keep being spunky and opinionated.
You are a fire, a ball of life,
And isn't it wonderful
That while some merely
Exist,
You are truly
Alive.
And please--
Never
Stop
Smiling.

i’m sorry i wrote about you.
i’m sorry i tried to immortalize you by placing your existence
in my heart and having it bleed out in black ink.
i’m sorry i fell in love with you.
i’m sorry i made you feel inspired and desirable, when you have
someone who probably loves you very much waiting for you
every night when you get home.
i’m sorry we can’t be together.
even though you haven’t made a decision yet, the silence between us
tells me all i need to know.
you’ll choose her.
you’ll always choose her.
i’m sorry i wrote about you.
even though i’m not, really
when i say that it’s more of an apology to myself
for letting your presence completely dismantle
any idea i’ve ever had about love.
don’t pick up the pieces. leave me scattered.
this is my mess to mend.
you’re on a never-ending racetrack
with no real intention of stopping for anything, let alone
a heartless hitchhiker like me, waiting for you
to put your life on the brakes.
i get it.
i’m a meaningless distraction,
a pleasant diversion,
a secret flower you keep hidden underneath all
the things you’re too afraid to say.
i will never be more than that.
i get that now.
well i’m sorry,
but my thumb is getting tired.
from now on, i think
i’ll walk home.