It's great to be a part of a group.
It's great to have friends, to have support, to have fun.
It's great to be a part of a group.
Does it ever stop being great?
It's great to spend all your time with your group.
It's great to share all your secrets with your group.
When did it stop being great?
Did it stop when you pretended to like something because they all liked it?
Did it stop when you pretended to dislike something because they all disliked it?
Did it stop when you started doing things you swear you'd never do?
Did it stop when you stopped spending time with your family?
Did it stop when you started doing things the group thought were super awesome?
Or did it stop when you died because of those things?

I went outside for a quick *** break. I sat on the stairs. I felt tired and terrible overall but I really loved my life. I laid down and enjoyed some fresh cold October air. Suddenly the thought of dying hit me again. It wasn't a bad thought but also not a good one. I don't know when it's going to be the right time. I don't want to die if I can still do all the great things in life but I also don't want to die if I can't do these things anymore. I want to enjoy every aspect of life. I don't want to die when I'm miserable but I also don't want to end my happiness. ****. The thoughts. ****. ****. ****. I had another smoke. I looked at the dark sky and listened to everything that was happening around me. It was peaceful. I felt great. But terrible. But great. I loved life. I didn't want it to last too long and I really didn't want to be here sometimes but I loved it. Life is great. It's a gift. It's a burden. You can do so many great things. So many bad things can happen to you. There's so much to live for yet there's so much more to die for. I decided to go inside again.