Randi

Randi May 2019

I hate but love the monster
They're tricky that way
One day I want to slay the monster
The next I want to embrace it.
Its the only thing that has stayed by me all the way

Randi Apr 2019

Monster

I know the monster
I know them well
They hide deep inside me
Where,I can't tell.

I have to obey the monster down deep
Or he will come,with a debt that is steep
Of payment I must pay with the pain I must feel
I know I know
Its not real

But the monster has a way of making it seem
Almost almost real but not quite
I've dealt with it so long I don't put up the fight

I wait until my sanity is gone and ripped
Then try and repair with little is left.

The monster comes and destroys all I have with me
The pain feels almost real but not quite
It makes you feel like your going insane and in a tight
Box that keeps shrinking
Slowly,you stop thinking
Of what pain you keep enduring.
You just take it and shut up.

Its what the monsters wills you to take up after all.

The human brain can create unfathomable pain
Make the gunshot feel like a light pinch in comparison to what it can do.
It can make it feel like a demon is possessing you and taking away your right to control your own body.Because your brain can remove your control of your body.Force you to do what you don't want to,all the while your that small,far away voice shouting and pleading

Randi Apr 2019

Shackles

The worst shackles are the ones invisible to all.

Again,not sure if this counts as a poem,but it sounded like one to me.

This is suppose to be talking about mental illnesses,such as depression and anxiety and others.Or how I feel like Im shackled to a monster that is torturing me and no one hears my screams for help.

The mental monster is the invisible shackle that is hurting you more than you ever knew you could be hurt before.

Randi Apr 2019

Lies

The best lies are the ones that are the barb wire thread in the fabric of truth.

Not sure if this counts as a poem but I thought it might be

Randi Mar 2019

The mask

Fiction is different
Then the reality behind
The mask of a face
A mask made to hide

The sadness is hidden
By a mask of lies

Now tho the sadness,its growing
Our inner demons,they're coming
They may soon be showing

Why do we wear a mask that we must hide behind
When the mask is harmful to us inside.

Randi Mar 2019

Life

Life is the dream that ends in nightmare.
Maybe we're just all asleep

Gonna try and write a daily poem or stanza like this,or at least once a week.Sometimes I just can't write.

Randi Mar 2019

Can't

Stop telling me to just stop
I can't I can't I can't
Its not like I want to lose control of myself
To feel like a demon possesses me,to force me to grant
It control over my body
Even tho its just for a few seconds.
The mark on my arm is still there
The psychological damage is still here
I can't control myself stop telling me I can
Im wired this way.
The demon of addiction is truly cruel
But the demon of mental disorder is crueler

Im battling the dragon while I am the ant.
I can't I can't I can't
I can't win
I can't
Stop this demon from being grant
Control over my body
No matter how much I try
I can't I can't I can't
So I go to great lengths
To torture myself into stopping
Yet destroying myself
Trying to dig myself out of the hole
Yet digging myself deeper instead

I want to stop I want to stop I just want to stop
But I can't can't can't
I just can't.

I suffer from dermatophagia,a mental disorder closely related to OCD.I bite my arm when I feel certain emotions,primarily stress,frustration,and anger,tho other negative and some positive emotions can cause me to bite it.I wrote this while going threw a thought circle.

This thing is just a random thing.