Stop telling me to just stop
I can't I can't I can't
Its not like I want to lose control of myself
To feel like a demon possesses me,to force me to grant
It control over my body
Even tho its just for a few seconds.
The mark on my arm is still there
The psychological damage is still here
I can't control myself stop telling me I can
Im wired this way.
The demon of addiction is truly cruel
But the demon of mental disorder is crueler

Im battling the dragon while I am the ant.
I can't I can't I can't
I can't win
I can't
Stop this demon from being grant
Control over my body
No matter how much I try
I can't I can't I can't
So I go to great lengths
To torture myself into stopping
Yet destroying myself
Trying to dig myself out of the hole
Yet digging myself deeper instead

I want to stop I want to stop I just want to stop
But I can't can't can't
I just can't.

The scars that I hide
Hide deep behind my eyes
The claws creep
They gouge my head deep
Far below whats seen
Chained down to where my acumen
Used to be but now its gone
All thats left is the shell seen
Pretending to be
Stuck In between
the fight never ever foreseen.
It already knows it had at least
lost its ability to **** the beast

Daydreams alluring
A fun past time to be sure
But with too much they are a cause to be concerning
Living in that world can be amazing
But stay there too long
And you'll never belong
In the world around you
That is moving without end
The world that may
Forget you've ever been

Daydreams are fun
A nice home away from home
Dont dive down too far tho
Please
Or you will never see
The world that is outside your mind again
You may leave your mind
But stay too long and itll never go
The world outside will be warped
Distorted
Absolutely demolished
You'll fight to come up
And yet you never want to leave
That little old home inside your own head.
It may be a home
But its not somewhere to be found dead.

So please take care and remind yourself
Have some daydreams now and then
But put them back on the shelf when
Your mind is about to make sure the other world ends.

Why do others feel the emotions?
Its like I was
Given a demotion
I don’t feel them like you do
Some times I do
But sometimes I feel echos
Empty and true
Like the outline of my circle that should be filled
I don’t have what you
never needed to will
to come along and join the fun
I have to wait for it
I have to bait it
I have to wait continuously for what is causing a commotion
To come arrive
Thats my emotions
But half the time it doesn’t
It just doesn’t come
I get the outline of my circle
Never filled
never done

I feel scared
I feel afraid
My sadness and sorrow
Wont go away

Ive had these episodes before
But now...
Im having them more and more.

Its like chronic fear
Chronic paranoia it seems
Its just getting worse and worse
But no one cares.

They leave me to rot
Fear of every single little thing
Stirring around in the ***
Of my head that exist
But Im afraid of that too.

Im just scared
I want a friend
Maybe someone whose scared too.

Fear is an odd
Little old thing

Supposed to protect
To help us in processing
Our world around us
While we go about prospecting

Yet all it does is alert
For no reason
As though we should
be scared of dirt

Or is it just me?
Is everyone like me?
Random episodes of fear
Just fear that is there
Scared of random things
Scared of everything
Unable to stop it
Not wanting to fight it

Why fight a battle you've never won?
I already know,my fight is now done

Im not in the safety
Not in the care
Of someone who was
Supposed to be there
For me they were
Supposed to be there
But Im different from them
So they left me here
All wilted and wounded
Now Im sad
But I am also
Shaking mad

I gave them all my love
All my attention
But because of one different imperfection
In myself
They chose to leave me behind
Forget who I am
And go off and find
A new person they would trick again

They never truely were my friend

They decided to
Bring the trickery of theirs
Tricking me into being their friend
To an end

Humans believe
We are so great
We think we're better
Than the animals we hate

We **** everything,then blame the others
We deny problems exist
Then believe the falsehoods from our brothers

We call ourselves Human
Think ourselves different than the animals
Than what we call the demons
We think we're the angels

Yet really,most of us behave demonically
Destroying most of our reality
Its no wonder even our brains may rebel to the point
We try to die and destroy ourselves before
We may destroy what is the core
Of this wonderful,wonderful world

We ignore the small voices
Pleading with us
To please,please,help repair the detritus
We have left behind
In this one of kind
World that we live on
And **** those with the brawn
That go and try to save
The world that is headed straight to the grave

The best lies are the ones that are the barb wire thread in the fabric of truth.

Life is the dream that ends in nightmare.
Maybe we're just all asleep

I know the monster
I know them well
They hide deep inside me
Where,I can't tell.

I have to obey the monster down deep
Or he will come,with a debt that is steep
Of payment I must pay with the pain I must feel
I know I know
Its not real

But the monster has a way of making it seem
Almost almost real but not quite
I've dealt with it so long I don't put up the fight

I wait until my sanity is gone and ripped
Then try and repair with little is left.

The monster comes and destroys all I have with me
The pain feels almost real but not quite
It makes you feel like your going insane and in a tight
Box that keeps shrinking
Slowly,you stop thinking
Of what pain you keep enduring.
You just take it and shut up.

Its what the monsters wills you to take up after all.

Drowning in a lake, perhaps to be found or left behind
Feeding what remains with body and mind

Drowning in a pool, a body of chlorination and polution
For even in death the rich are fools and cannot recieve absolution

Drowning in the ocean, returning flesh to old kin
Returning body to the waters to feed whats within

My embers are cold,
my memory forgotten
my bones old and rotten
all i need now is my fire aflame
remember me now
or i shall die in vain

The worst shackles are the ones invisible to all.

A song
A verse
A poem
A tune

All different words
All follow the beat
Of the soon to be rhythm
Of the people's feet

The old sing
The young dance
As tho in a trance
It flows in
It flows out
You find your self spinning all about

It helps calm you
It helps excite you
It cleans your mind well

Yet soon you have to go threw
The gates to leave
Waiting and waiting
For your friends
To come back to come back
And dance with you once again

The biggest smile
Is the biggest wall
Built to hide
That is all
Darkness swirling
Deep in their skull
Monster whirling
Threwout that dull
Space where there used to be
A genuine smile
That made people happy to see
But now that space is all black
That smile is a mask
One that makes the owner turn back
To see what they used to be
And be sad to think
They'll never go and return
To that old happy smile
That could burn
A spark of happiness in everyone's face

But now they need that happiness
To help them chase
The monster thats creeping
Out of their house
To help get it out
To help round it about
To remove it from their old happy place
Where now they feel scared
Threatened,and wasted

Pay attention to those
Whose attention is drawn
To the big happy smile
That may be a mask thrown on

The Summer heat
It comes and beats
Down on us inside

We think it will be fun
When school is all done
Yet now we're bored
We feel sad
Ignored

Summer may mean
Less time learning
But it always
Leaves us yearning
For that social interaction we need

So please take heed
To appreciate what you have
It may have some bad parts
But in the end
You will always want
To go back again

I hate but love the monster
They're tricky that way
One day I want to slay the monster
The next I want to embrace it.
Its the only thing that has stayed by me all the way