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144 · Feb 2018
Anti-social Butterfly
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Don't say a word, not a ******* word
No need to waste your breath
My eyes are blind, my mind made up
My ears are deaf, my mouth sewn shut

I love the pain, the exquisite pain
I am suffering in ecstasy
I choke myself in my sleep
Sleeping disorder or apathy?

I smother myself to hear me breathe
Spread my wings that only bleed
Now that we are ******* through
Do I want to be like you?

**** No! I hope you choke
My back is ******, my wings are broke

Light a match and set me ablaze
My ashes scatter with the breeze
I'm an anti – social butterfly
And I'm spreading my disease

You inhale me with every breath you breathe
I am the antithesis of all and everything you believe
119 · Feb 2018
Nervous Breakdown
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Why does she torment me?
Her image haunts my brain
Laying seeds of emptiness
Bringing me so much pain

Never have I met a woman
Who could get inside my veins
Soak up all the blood inside
Leaving nothing but the stains

Does she even care about me?
Like if I live or die
If she seen my body inside a casket
Would she even stop to cry?

Sometimes I stand outside alone
In the dark it starts to rain
I look to the sky and just stare
The thought of her driving me insane

How could I ever blame her?
Even though she ripped out my heart
I hate when we're together
I hate it even more when we're apart
118 · Jun 2018
Transparent
Andrew Rolston Jun 2018
The price I'd pay to show you things
was more than I could afford.
It would have taken too long and I'm
afraid you would've got bored.

If you could see inside of me and
my thoughts were transparent.
I wouldn't have to write you this;
my thoughts would be apparent.

But since I left you hanging there,
swinging from my noose.
I thought the least that I could do,
was come back and cut you loose.

Imagine my surprise when I got back,
and you were nowhere to be found.
I followed your footsteps down the path
along these hallowed grounds.

I slink along with head hung low,
my footsteps fall in line.
Your scent is faint but I knew it well,
I'm scouring for any sign.

At last I've come to where you are,
You're standing arm in arm.
Your face is not what I had thought,
I look on with alarm.

I expected this woman all full of dread,
with somber ****** expression.
Instead, I see your face is full of joy -
my own, it shows depression.

The coward in me was happy to see
your face that shone so bright.
The reality was this you see
You were my guiding light.

Or should I say, you were that way...
I guess it's now untrue.
I know he gives you what I can't
and that will make me blue.

My days are dark and nothingness.
My absence couldn't cure.
You're still swimming in my veins
and man that **** is pure.

I tried to quit you, because I was
afraid of letting go.
Now I'm afraid I have no choice
and I wish it wasn't so.

I'll let you go, this time for good,
if you can answer this.
With your lips, when they touch his
Do you wish it was my kiss?
108 · Feb 2018
Starting Over
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Wretched thoughts float through me
Circling what I have left behind
Ripping down the walls of sympathy
Getting stuck inside the internal grind

Sludge comes out and slowly falls
Synapses destroyed when all went wrong
Crushed together by broken walls
What once was whole has long been gone

I blindly lead myself away from light
In a weak and defenseless mode I shift
Watching my dreams leave in the night
As careless as the snows that must always drift

Waves of paranoia and mindless thought
They crash upon me and pull me under
I try to break free from all that I have sought
A steady stream of thoughts erupt like thunder

My eyes open wide as my mind starts to race
It's like a new breath of life has entered me
My heart starts pumping new blood at feverish pace
My blackened lungs spread open so tenderly

I'm rebuilding my body and mind with borrowed parts
For a significant price I owe you what I borrow
This whole coming together or at least it starts
It's day one; this decomposing soul will live tomorrow
106 · Feb 2018
My Ghost
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
I can't catch you
You're much too quick
Your fall from grace
It makes me sick

You don't even know
You're much too dumb
Do you even know
How to have fun?

You can't be happy
It's much too real
You cannot swallow
You must conceal

You always have
You always will
Lie wide awake
With sleeping pills

I can't get through
You're much too vague
You must avoid
Me like the plague

Here is the thing
I hate the most
I can't catch you
My ******* ghost
105 · Feb 2018
The Alpha Male
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Something so right, it has to be wrong
Cliché after cliché all the night long
You’ve heard it before, but yet I press on
With lame come on after lame come on

I’m the man who wasn’t held enough as a child
It’s just in my nature to be sexist and vile
My ****** fortitude is bigger than yours
I’m banging ******* and scoring with ******

I will walk by a broad and grab her behind
I will beat up the weak and feeble of mind
If you dare me to do something I cannot say no
The rush of adrenaline will make my **** grow

I’ll show all of you losers who has the biggest *****
My golden phallus will break through your walls
It will penetrate to the depths of your cave
I might even, if time permits, a life save

I’m a macho man, you know me well
And if you don’t know me allow me to tell
You a story about who I think I am
I’m not just another Cro-Magnon man

I’m the alpha male, the leader of my pack
I’m the ****, you see, and you’re all whack
But here are a few secrets I keep just for me
If you sleep with me, you might catch an STD

But really it’s your own fault for not knowing
Where my **** has been, before you start blowing
This next little thing I’ve been trying so hard to conceal
I lack originality or a purpose; I’m just trying to be real

If I don’t go hard and do what is expected of me
They might find I’m turning quite green with ***** envy
You see, I’m not the man that I like you to believe
Like that ***** *** hair you say isn’t a weave

Oops , there I go again trippin’ on you
No *** for so long, my ***** are now blue
I have just one more thing to add before I say goodbye
If you’re ever with a man like me, ask yourself, “why?”
101 · Feb 2018
13 Minutes
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
The sun is coming up real soon
forcing us to say goodbye
I disconnect, unplug myself
and go to close to my eyes.

These images come and go so fast
That my brain can’t comprehend
I just thought of the perfect thing to say
but I know I can never send.

Was that your face that I just saw?
How the hell did you get there?
All I wanted was a good night's sleep,
Not some sick ******* nightmare.

Your fingers filthy, wretched, lean
Touch mine and make them rot.
When I look down, they’ve intertwined
As my blood begins to clot.

My lower half becomes stiff and rigid
And my legs begin to snap.
You’ve splintered off inside my head
And woken me from my nap.

The guilty part was I liked it
Far more than should be allowed.
But you can never admit to that
At least don’t say it out loud.

Staring at the clock with it’s bright red eyes
I should have known my limits.
How could I have led you back astray
In a little over 13 minutes?
95 · Feb 2018
So Close
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
We never really even talked before
but it was not like we really needed to.
This pit in my stomach was squeezed
and with clinched fists, and swollen lips
I’m struggling to resist the sway from your hips.

Your long, chestnut locks framing your face
into something of legend, that only painters
with an exceptional eye for beauty could fathom.
The writers of old have written of you
in fairytales, and yet here you stand,
unfettered from your prison that bound you.

Before me.
Above me.
Beyond me.

And then, there you were, standing beside me
until fate brought you crashing down upon me.
The winter’s breath carrying my air away.
My stare fixed upon your hazel colored soul traps.
Captivated, as you ebbed the flow of the world
around us into a slow-motion moving picture show.

“Is this really happening?” I whisper to myself.

Your eyes flutter and close to invite me in
and for a brief moment, caught in surprise
I hesitate and let the winter’s wind go…
And with it, sailed my chances to taste
the lips of this, the most exquisite being
to have ever come into existence.

In the next moment, you realized your place,
took to your feet and left in the company
of someone more much deserving.
As much as this was unnerving,
I was left to wander,
forever onward.

So close to this beauty, unbound.
Touching my fingertips,  
gently rolling off,
then falling to the ground.

To this day, I am still uncertain of your existence.
Were you merely a figment of my over-active imagination
or were you just another instance of what happens
when you leave the window open for too long?
95 · Feb 2018
...And Then There Was One
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
What do you call two no longer one?
The weight of the relationship felt like a ton
A chess match in whom neither side won
A breakup that burnt as hot as the sun

How can you regain your trust in me?
A secret I wish you would share with thee
I try to get close but you always flee
Why can't you be the woman I want you to be?

I see your face inside of my head
So hard in the morning to roll out of bed
Loathing the sunshine, by night time I'm dead
Put a gun in my mouth, stain the carpet red

I'll obey your wishes until you come correct
And admit that sometimes we do connect
I doubt that on you it has any effect
So why on the past must I always reflect?

Even after you left and I moved away
Feelings for you as a friend still stay
And I hang on every word that you say
Now I am tired, down I must lay

I can see my breath, the end draws near
I look at the bottom of an empty beer
I think of you and then drop a tear
My life stands before me with you in the rear
94 · Feb 2018
Isolde
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Bitte geben Sie nicht ihre Liebe entfernt.
Ich wurde verbannt aus ihrem Herzen heute.
Mein Herz blutet jetzt einen Überlauf
der Liebe für dich, meine süße Isolde.
Learn German
93 · Feb 2018
Love Song
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Don't speak a word
Don't make a sound
Come back down, beneath the underground
Don't say my name
Don't call anymore
Take a hint, my anemic *****
I got my hands in place
Wrapped around that pathetic face
Take it away, take it back, get it away, fade
Never gonna give you the satisfaction
No emotion is my only reaction
Bitter sweet, empty, cold feet, stained
A smile is an illusion
You hide yours so well
I'd make love not lust
In time I'll be fine
Now it's time to ****
Rotting corpse, On death's door
Look what I found
The screams sound like my dreams
Laughter was the sound
Impotent minds really ****
89 · Feb 2018
Unfinished
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
I see you sitting there alone
No place to run, no place to go
Your shadow is your only companion
So many people you left abandoned

Your fingers are intertwined together
Oblivious to people escaping the weather
The rain pours down, then a clap of thunder
Lightning strikes as I begin to wonder

Who did this to this poor girl?
Mixed emotions begin to swirl
Look at her face, she's lost her glow
Only a man can make her feel that low

She lifts her head and fixes her hair
Putting the strand that fell back there
Behind her ear, tucked back as she
Watches the ground as quiet as can be

For many minutes maybe even an hour
I watch her sitting alone in the rain shower
Then my curiosity gets the better of me
I must talk to this once great, now fallen beauty

With great quickness I make my way in the rain
To the other side of the street, am I insane?
No, get it together, just ask her quick
"Excuse me miss, do you want to get sick?"

She makes no attempt to lift her head
It was as if she was already dead
"Please miss, Come with me inside"
"No thank you sir, I'm waiting for my ride"

She lifts her head and looks me deep in the eyes
Her hand grabs my own, as a part of me dies
"You see, you're the first person to stop today
Everyone else just wandered along on their way

But because you were so kind as to see what's wrong
I'll put in a good word, but now you must go, so long!"
With that I turn and walk away as she wished
But there was something that I must have missed

I turn to look back over my shoulder one last time
The beautiful, sad woman who had lost her mind
Was no longer sitting where she had once been
The rain now stopped and never started again

Who was she? To whom would she put in a good word?
These lingering thoughts were the only things I heard
Forget about it before you drive yourself crazy
Strangely enough, I still feel her presence with me

A phone rings; I pick it up, "hello?"
"Are you ready son? It's your time to go"
To who did this ominous voice belong?
'Tis the Devil, not God, you all were wrong.
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
I don’t even really know you, per se
And yet I have this image of you
Slowly exhaling smoke rings into the air
Your raven hair tucked behind your ears.
Some rebel strands break free and I put them back
Your soft features makes it easy to dream
Warm to the touch, but with a slight shiver
You’d feel the tingle as my finger grazes your ear
Curled up on the couch watching a scary movie
Your eyes are so sad and holding so much emotion
Inside them that it cracks my hard shell and I give in
I lift  your chin and your eyes can no longer contain
All the emotion that has been trapped so long inside.
Your makeup is running down your face again
Like so many times before
You’ve left a trail for me to follow.
And follow I will…until we find where you’ve hidden yourself.
So, pout if you want. Sigh, if you must. But smile sincerely
When our journey is over and I get what I want:
Your happiness.
83 · Feb 2018
Sleepless Sheep
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Sleepless sheep, now we are allowed
to wonder exactly who it is you count.

You lie there, twisting, turning, another night.
Alone, you are burning, but you are alright.

If silence is golden, then Midas you would be.
You hold all the control, if only I could see

the demons that are dreaming inside of your head,
I won't try to pry, they can go on and hide, instead...

I won't say a word, I will swallow them all.
I won't be your rise, you won't be my fall.

Just promise me one thing when this is to end,
you'll know I did the best for you, as a friend,

to understand why I was being pushed away at all.
Are your problems too big or my answers too small?.
82 · Feb 2018
Bitch (An Untold Story)
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Carnivorous, flesh eating parasite
Broken skin turned black with light
Frozen membranes leaking blood
Every orifice leaks you touch

Let me drip dry, peel back the skin
Set me on fire and start to grin
Lick my wounds with salty tongue
Drink the sweat, spit out the crust

How's it taste now that I've decayed?
Taste the part of the heart you once stayed
Tell me if the taste still remains
Every part of you leaves a stain

Dig into me like you always do
Make me believe your lies are true
Help me to see with blood soaked eyes
This is the part where one of us dies

Give in to temptation and accept your fate
My will is gone in this weakened state
You killed the only part I knew
The rest was beaten black and blue

Left for dead with ravaged bones
Piercing screams and haunting moans
Your laughter echoes and then disappears
How can you **** what wasn't here?
82 · Feb 2018
Inner Thoughts
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
There is a new girl I’ve never met
You think she’s nice? “Yeah, I bet”

Hello friend, what is your name?
I don‘t know, but I’m glad you came

When you passed by me a light went off
I start to yawn but only cough

My throat is dry, I need a drink
I grab your attention with a wink

Your eyes, they make my knees go weak
I hope I don’t stutter when I speak

To my surprise your face is calm
While my heart is ticking like a bomb

Your smile is gentle, makes me at ease
I grab for your hand but dare not squeeze

You tilt your head and I start to talk
“Are you new here? Care to take a walk?”

A long pause follows, seems much too long
My mind starts to wonder what I did wrong

Then she says to me something I didn’t expect
“ Are you asking me out? Why not? I accept”

Wow! I think, It must be my lucky day
I’d never have the courage I’d have to say

My mind would take over and let me down
I’d be the laughing stock, the forlorn clown

There is something about her that made me care
I’m just glad she agreed to share my air

I’ve been thinking too long, say something now
“What’s your name?” is all my brain would allow

She looks me in the eyes and I start to freak
It’s the second time I could not speak

“You know, you’re kind of cute” she says with a smile
We’ve been walking along the beach all the while

“This may seem weird, but I feel like we have met before”
She fixes her wind blown hair and shoots me that smile once more

Then she grabs my hand and places something soft inside
“Take this with you as a gift, but until I leave it must hide”

“Wait! Where are you going?” I ask, confused
“It’s my time to go,” she said half amused

With that, she turns and runs into the sea
Her voices echoes over the wind, “Don’t follow me”

I open my hand, still not sure what I was supposed to do
Inside lay a tiny heart and note, “You have mine and I have yours too”
80 · Feb 2018
Bleed For Me
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
I used to think that I liked to play
Just **** with your head when I may
Watch you squirm to turn me on
No inner voice to stop the con
I made you believe that I cared for you
Made you believe my lies were true
I used to think it was just my thing
Doing all I could to make it sting

Now bleed for me while I bleed for you
And give up all you thought you knew
I tell you now, I won't lie to you
And when I bleed, I bleed through you

I was wrong in the past to mindfuck you
I still don't know why I do what I do
This sick ******* became an obsession
Thinking that in some way you'd learn a lesson
It was never my place to make it known
Knuckle crack skin, still flesh and bone
Fragile minds thinking at a dangerous pace
She's trying her best to conceal her face
She knows if she lets me see her eyes
A part of herself she has left behind
Changes the season; Wilts and dies
And when she breaks, my tears she cries

Now bleed for me while I bleed for you
And trust in everything we've been through
I tell you now, I can't lie to you
And when I breathe, I breathe through you

Nothing will ever change how you feel
I need you to know that it was real
As I yell to you from outside your wall
What once were all lies are now none at all
75 · Feb 2018
Mythology
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Mighty Zeus is floating among the clouds
while childish Echo mimics sounds.
Zephyrus strolling across his stead
is casually putting Boreas to bed.

Send a letter to Hades, if you please
send back to Demeter, Persephone.
The nymphs, the fairies, and the sprites
dance around Flora with much delight.

Fauna, with her children, were the next to show,
carrying on with merriment and Artemis’ bow.
The huntress stood anxious as she was awaiting someone.
Next came Helios with Apollo, then out went the sun.

In that moment, Nyx crept from out of the shadows
followed by her sons Hypnos and Thanatos.
Then Bacchus stood up or was it Dionysus?
Clamors of violence came from the Thiasus.

An apple, from Discord, so shiny, was thrown
"To the Wisest and Greatest", were the words shown.
Hermes was as shrewd as Aphrodite was vain
and with a fell swoop, the apple he claimed.

Athena, not to be outdone, came up with a plan
She promised Vulcan, God of Fire, her hand.
She asked for an arrow that could **** their own
made with skin of the griffon and a chimera bone.

Ares was near and overheard what was said.
He grabbed his axe and aimed it for her head.
Poseidon with his trident and his magnificent crown
flooded the heavens of Olympus and watched them all drown.
Thiasus: drunken wild women followers of Dionysus
74 · Feb 2018
Rapid Eye Motion
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Who am I?
Well, who are you?  
I don't know me.
Are you me too?

I don't know.
Can I sit?
You mean you're tired?
I don't know ****.

That's really sad.
Yeah, can I go?
Where will you stay?
I still don't know.

You know I have an extra bed.
Did you think the thought that I just said?
I guess it was not for me to say.
You mean you won't just go away?

You see kind sir, you can't escape me.
Are you the one I see in my dreams?
It's fall and all the leaves are gray.
It's your time to die. You mean today?

Ask yourself that again when you wake.
I'm asleep right now? For heaven's sake.
I have another question I must ask.
You know the dream with the mirror and mask.

When I take it off and look at me.
I'm not the one that I see.
What does this mean? Can you help me?
That depends on what it is you see?

In the mirror, I see another man instead.
He controls the voice inside my head.
You only let people see what you want them to see.
The real you is still trapped underneath.

That does make sense now that I think about it.
Am I waking up? Oh god. Oh ****.
"But what about the mask?", I almost scream.
You should ask yourself. It is your dream.

After he said that he walked away.
And I woke up to greet the day.
The dream still fresh, but loosing steam.
What can all of this mean?

Do I not know who I am?
Or do I know myself so well I live inside my head?
I just don't know what reality is.
**** it. I'd rather be dreaming instead.
74 · Feb 2018
The Tavern King
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Our hero, he sits, like a king on his throne.
He's surrounded by scores of people but somehow alone.
His palace is full of knights, maidens, jesters, and fools.
He sips his ale, smiles at the maidens and sits back in his stool.
For many hours he raises his glass and sets it back down.
Slowly, he realizes he's not the hero of this story but the clown.
It's about being lonely in public. I wrote this at bar, on a coaster, off the top of my head, as events unfolded before me.
73 · Feb 2018
War Torn
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Inoculated, and yet you disease me
You’re seeping into me through the cracks
Breaking my spinal column and tearing away at my flesh
Meshed together, entwined in my hardened veins
Restricting my blood flow as I become nauseous again

Ravenous hunger for my salty skin makes you weak
Now is my chance to break the chains that bind me
Rip apart your carcass and eat the maggots that crawl onto me
Drink the blood of the one I love and swallow her half hearted apologies
Vomiting starves the hunger as I become desolate again

Your insatiable lust for all things malevolent makes me a target
You dig your nails into me and scour my pulp for marks
Slashing away at my neck and licking it so tastelessly
Breached skin dries upon your venomous tongue
Blacken my lungs as I become irrelevant again

Enigmatic, and yet you’re as bare as they ******* come
You’re beaten, and battered, and altogether worn
Damp, moist sheets and memories of maladies
Are the only remnants of us I carry with me
Repose myself as YOU become nothing.
72 · Feb 2018
A Part Of Your World
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
If I was a part of your world,
we’d live alone on clouds.
And when it starts to sprinkle,
then we’d slowly float back down.

If I was a part of your world,
you would never be taken for granted.
We would cultivate a life together
with the many seeds we've planted.

If I was a part of your world,
then you would be apart of mine.
You'd be the greatest gift of all,
You'd be the most divine.

If I was a part of your world,
then the heavens I could reach.
You would be my calming waves,
and I, your humble beach.
71 · Feb 2018
Empathy
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
I don’t want to feel
what has come to be.
Powerless to stop
what is becoming.
The truth,
or so it would seem,
lies buried within
dormant feelings
not seen.
If not given time
The feelings will die.
Sometimes I think
I should slowly
wither instead.
Perilous it seems
the ability to see
the wrong of it all.
I lack empathy
to feel
what is right.
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Captivated by you essence,
I don't remember all the curves of your face,
but I sure as hell remember the way that you taste.
I keep telling myself it's nothing more than infatuation.
Why did you have to let it linger?
Starving my days away with idle chit chat.
Now, it's all I can do to not think of you.
On this ship, I'm not the captain
but I am going down with it, just the same.
All I ask is that you release me from my part.
Before you depart, don't let me see my reflection in your eyes
for even one more, single night.
This is the end now.
We must say "goodbye."
70 · Feb 2018
For Danielle
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Honey tresses cascading down
Toward most unworthy ground
Eyes shaded away, not seen
A light shade of emerald green
Thoughts held tight
Them diamonds lost
In luster longingly
Shone the way to shore.
All sailors beware
Do not stop to glare
At her hypnotizing stare
You may not make it
Home.
70 · Feb 2018
The Glass Flower
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
He picked her a flower,
and coated it with glass,
gave her the flower
and watched time pass.

A minute, now two,
he awaits her reply.
She apologizes now
and he wonders why.

“It’s a lovely flower,”
she said with a smile.
“But I am spoken for,”
and like a silly child

he couldn’t accept truth.
“Please tell me you jest.”
She stared at him with pity;
chin buried in his chest.

His eyes burning fresh,
turning away, he must hide.
The glass flower shatters.
It has wilted and died.
68 · Feb 2018
For Mandy
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Ethereal in nature
Presence lingering
Long after she departs
Soul saving service
With gentle auburn eyes
And coke bottled
Coffee colored curls
Hanging just so
Below her rosy red
Cheekbones.
Dimples line her face
Pulling her mouth
Into an ever gracious smile
Stay with me for awhile
And regale me with stories
Filled with caustic wit
I soak it all up
To the very last bit
But, if this is the end
You will stay eternally
Ethereal in nature
To the ones
Who are lucky enough
To call you
Friend
68 · Feb 2018
Molly
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
She is unaware of his gaze. His eyes averted yet another time.  
When she turns her head toward his, his eyes drop away from her beautiful blue.  
He is sure that if he were ever to meet her glance head on that he could not pull away

Besides, it is not for mortals to ever gaze upon the gods directly.
So he looks away into the fading sunset that is turning a lovely shade of pink.  
It reminds him of the color of her soft parted lips.  
He feels compelled to steal yet another quick glimpse of her radiant beauty.  

The remaining rays of sunshine are making her golden waves shine with a luster reserved only for beings of an ethereal nature.  
The wind carries with it the sweet smells of flowers, fresh in bloom, as if it were still springtime.
As she passes him by the scent overwhelms his senses and he feels his legs grow weak.  

He catches his self before she can see any deviation in him, but he is unable to move.  
He just stands out of fear that if he tries to move, he will lose the remaining strength in his legs and plummet from Olympus.
66 · Feb 2018
For Melissa
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
It is as if your eyes see right through me.
So, I dare not stare too long.
The urge to lose myself inside your eyes
is growing much too strong.

The waves, they crash upon me,
their ever-present blue.
They take me down within it.
Oh god, now I am through.

There will be no salvation for me;
from this Medusa, I cannot look away.
Unlike Perseus, I willingly surrender
to waves I swim in every day.
65 · Feb 2018
Coward
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Eyes that shine when all is dark
They light the fire inside my heart
An open flame that burns so bright
Blue-Green hue inside pure white

You catch my glance from across the room
You smell like a flower ripe in bloom
You walk by and make my heart pound
I start to talk, out comes not sound

I kick myself for being shy
I could not even spit out "hi"
I try to think of the right thing to say
I know it will happen but not today

I missed my chance but there is tomorrow
But tonight I'll have to deal with sorrow
The pain you feel right before you die
Feels a lot better after you cry

You don't know what you do to me
I close my eyes, you're all I see
Things are not always as they seem
But when I wake up it is no dream
64 · Feb 2018
Recreational Usage
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Too far gone to be on the brink of depression.
Indentation marks the seeds of oppression,
and sows them deep into my soil with no hesitation.
Reticent thoughts wander on with no destination;

replaced them with enough medication to make it a habit.
Hazy revelations of salvation but knowing I can never have it.
Living in my own Utopian Hell, that comes in subjective pill size,
and, for a breif instant, I wandered inside and claimed the prize.

In a moment of weakness I try to drown myself with drink
and with abated reckoning, I think I'm begging not to sink.
Further down the spiral, vertigo has got me so nauseated
Plugging the drain to my brain has become so complicated.

Quickly, grab a dream before it floats into the great divide,
murders all the things you love while you run away and hide.
The fog is lifting, however briefly, try to focus and with any luck
I'll even find a reason to tell myself that I really do give a ****.
64 · Feb 2018
Bulldozer
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Rain precipitates my mind to sleep
Awakens slowly with dreams that creep
Into my head, the pain runs deep
And in the end, we all must weep

Rapid eye motion neither phasic nor tonic
Pumping blood flows but levels are toxic
Fear grips the anger, but my anger just mocks it
Anger breaks through from my fist that unlocks it

The answer was simple, shades of my reflection
I crept through the house, no signs of detection
Make my way to your room for closer inspection
The anticipation mounts, feeding my *******

Is this what you want? Don't struggle; don't scream
Or out comes your blood in a nice, steady stream
I'll lick the knife slowly, while inside you I'll cream
Just be glad in the morning that this was a dream.
64 · Feb 2018
Chasing Shadows
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
I have been chasing shadows so long,
even the briefest of light burns.
I have been defacing every love song,
even the meaning of the words.

The meaning of the words still humming,
as if floating in the air.
The rapid beat of my heart drumming,
lets me know that it's still there.

Now, just because it is still beating,
that does not give me the right
To bare my teeth, however fleeting.
at all the women in sight.

Please bear with me if I seem distant,
t'was not my intent, you see.
How quickly things change in an instant,
with two whom are meant to be.
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
This morning when I awoke, my eyes still full of sleep,
hastened from my slumber in a state that was too deep.
The voice of the most wondrous woman that I have ever known,
beckoned me to open up my eyes by making low, sweet moans.

My focal point, not yet in focus; barely able to comprehend
I dig into the corner of my sockets, as if trying to extend
the dream of us lying intertwined was a secret that lied buried
deep inside the corners of my eyes that only my fingers carried.

As I pressed the corner of my bottom lip against my teeth,
knowing that the painted moving pictures I could never keep.
So, instead, I start to sit up to look outside this pane of glass,
and watch the reflection of you leave my eyes and then I let it pass.

My day goes on the same as always, uneventful and full of grief.
I let out a sigh and wonder why I can never find any soul relief.
Can mortals really consort with goddesses or this my erroneous belief?
My solace comes in dreams for now, even if the moments are only brief.
60 · Feb 2018
Rest In Peace
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Whispering winds reveal to me
Your bed of lies, your bed of sin
Cut out the black, stay with the blue
I cut you out ‘cause we were through

Your twisted, mangled, beat up face
It makes me sad, your fall from grace
But don’t feel bad about your fall
If you can even feel at all

You speak in code, you make me sore
You’re everything that I abhor
I ended that; you say no more
So Rest In Peace, you ******* *****
59 · Feb 2018
The Black Cloud
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
The black cloud sits beside me
Facing the fact that you are me
I am you and we make three
Devil may cry; I may bleed

The black cloud moves closer to
You and I, while I am you
You cannot see my devil's face
Wholly unholy, this human race

The black cloud hovers over head
Masking the fact that we are dead
Devils and angels wage their war
Not quite ready for what's in store

The black cloud now covers my brain
Invoking the voice of the insane
War has torn us apart again
Led us to places deep within

The black cloud consumes my soul
Wholly unholy, has now become whole
59 · Feb 2018
Salvation
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Your armor is fading
Your skin’s decaying
Your body’s shaking
Your bones are breaking
Your soul is taken
Your fear’s awakened

Your beauty’s stated
And kind of jaded
Your heart is plated
Your truth’s degraded
Your mind is shaded
Long have you waited

To hear the words
That’ll set you free
So you can flee
Like unbound birds

So shed your skin
And spread your wings
Life’s beckoning
Time to begin

With mind at ease
Fly high, fly free
Over land and sea
In times of  peace

In times of war
We must restore
All that was torn
And to adorn
All children scorned
To be reborn

To breathe new life
This world of strife
Turns like a knife
With knuckles white
Tonight's the night
That you take flight
58 · Feb 2018
What I Am
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
I am everything, I give you life
Warm as butter across a knife
I flow from your body a steady stream
Close me off and wake in dreams

Cut me open and watch me pour
Cry for attention you ******* *****
Boiling heat, Acid rain
Sell my soul, Rot my brain

Break my will until I crack
Snap your neck, Hear me laugh
Laughter echoes deep inside
Found a gun, Run and hide

Take an aim, Pull it quick
Colon cancer got me sick
Throwing up untold words
Regurgitating **** for birds

Fading fast into the shadows
Will is weak, But that's how that goes
I've got nothing left but a memory
Still choking on my own apathy

I sink into my own abyss
Sweet ammonia, Sacred ****
Give me your wings, Set me free
A Phoenix in Flames - Eternity
58 · Feb 2018
Never Again
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
You don't have to say it
I don't know why
I left all the feelings
I have left
Inside
I died
You cried
I lied
Never again….
Never again….

Don't be afraid of me
I won't hurt you anymore
I told myself I let you go
And then you crept back in
The world has stopped
It's only you
The rest are left
In spite of you
The best are beaten
Black and blue
The only one who stands out
Is YOU

Don't go away
No
Never again
57 · Feb 2018
Autumn
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
She was grotesquely beautiful
Autumn wind blows through her hair
The gentle cool breeze scatters leaves
My eyes look up and start to stare
The sun dips low and starts to fade
Her lips are full and lovely to taste
Orange color hue turns to pink in the sky
I'd paint her so a part of her stays
Slowly the night sets in and leaves me blind
All the color of the beautiful sky dies
With a turn of her head and a gentle smile
She walks away and out of my life
57 · Feb 2018
(If I Could) Rewind Time
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
If you screamed it into the sky
I would make it rain
If you pounded it into the ground
I would end all of your pain

If you bled it out of spite
I would try to fill your soul
If you sent it all away
I would give you what I owe

Instead, I sit head hung low, here alone
Wondering why I ever let you go
You are the best part of this withered heart
It breaks in two as me and you part

Your half still in my hand, this was never planned
My half crumbles while I try to understand
My own thoughts betray, on this, the saddest day
It’s the anniversary of when you went away

I’d give up this life and start anew
If you only realized how much I needed you
I died a little inside that day when you said goodbye
I threw it all away, to save face, and even now I defy

All the thoughts that are flowing through my mind
If I could find a way to rewind time, I’d be more kind
I would tell you all the things that a woman ought to hear
But I bit my tongue, and filled my lungs, and made you disappear

I exhale a cloud of smoke, and your image floats away
I take another shot of sorrow, tomorrow is just another day
57 · Feb 2018
Echoes Of Floorboards
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
It started in the hallway
We were saying goodbye,
Goodbye.
You pulled me closer,
Closer.

So close, I could smell you
I knew it right now,
Right now.
I had to taste you,
Taste you.
I licked your mouth.
Your tongue just lingered,
Lingered.

You taste like heaven,
Heaven.
Lord, take me now,
Now.
My hunger is growing.
It couldn’t get better,
But we'll try anyhow.
Anyhow.

Your body’s on fire
I feel it too
You hold me closer,
Closer.
This feeling’s so new,
New.

My muscles, they tighten,
You pull me inside,
Inside.
I knew in this moment,
We’d be playing all night,
All night.

Something just shattered,
Shattered.
Crashed to the floor
But we don’t hear it,
Hear it.
You’re begging for more,
For more.

The heat of our passion
Is making me shake,
Shake.
You push me inside you,
Inside you.
It’s all I can take,
Take.

Your breath is heavy
Such a wonderful sound,
Sound.
Eyes burn with pleasure
You’re pulling me down,
Down.

Echo is deafening,
You’re moaning so loud,
So loud.
I knew that I had you,
Your legs wrapped around,
Around.

The earth is moving,
Or so it would seem,
Seem.
It was in this moment,
You let out a scream,
A scream.

Our bodies are coming
Moving to the sound,
The sound.
Of echoes of floor boards,
Of floor boards…
Floor boards…
It was inspired by a Kings Of Leon song.
56 · Feb 2018
My Guilt Says Enough
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
I don't need you to tell me how I hurt you
I don't need you to tell me what I put you through
I don't need you to tell me; I felt it too
My guilt says enough

I don't need you to tell me about all of your pain
I don't need you to tell me about your mental strain
I don't need you to tell me how you cried like rain
My guilt says enough

I don't need you tell me how you ached inside
I don't need you to tell me all the feelings you'd hide
I don't need you to tell me how I should have tried
My guilt says enough

I don't need you to tell me how I ruined your life
I don't need you to tell me how I caused you strife
I don't need you to tell me you can't ever be my wife
My guilt says enough

I should have listened to you before you said goodbye
I should have told you the truth and not told you lies
I should have realized how good I had it when I looked in your eyes
Now, my guilt is all I have left…
55 · Feb 2018
Dirt Nappin'
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
There was this girl, a ******* *****
Who went for broke and struck it rich
She used to give these dudes free palm
The kind of ***** hard to keep calm

She got much mouth. So ******* dense
She got some dollars, no ******* sense.
But ***** got greedy and wanted more
Just wasn't enough to be a *****

Got her *** papped for petty theft
She ducked the right but not the left.
A mammoth shot to the side of her head
Sent her to the dirt. It became her bed

One pop, a flash, and muzzle smoke
Her brains flew out and skull it broke
Looking for a moral?  Don't even try
In all my poems these ***** must die...
54 · Feb 2018
Wish Of Love
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Your promise of self
Your wish of love
All that I crave is
Inside your touch.

To feel your hand
Upon my flesh
Your lips touch mine
As our bodies mesh

Tousled  hair strewn
Upon exposed clavicle
Bated breath partakes in
This moment so magical

I see the hunger
Inside of your eyes
The heat of passion
Fresh on our thighs

Explosions of bliss erupt
Elated waves so intense
Uncontrollable, shaking bodies
Utterly breathless in bed.
53 · Feb 2018
One Last Time
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
Why do you make me do this to you?
Can’t you see I love you?
Can’t you see this is the last time?
The last time I will lay my hands upon you.
The last time I will hear your bones break
The torture on your face is my love shining through
It’s how you know I am for real.
A beacon of love, ever bright
You wear it like a badge for all to see.
Why must you cover it up?
My love for you.
Why can’t you just shut your mouth?
Try to see things through my eyes
This is the last time, I swear,
That I will ever show you that I care.
This is the last time you will ever
breathe my same polluted air.
You’re bruised and broken
Broken down but not fully aware
My love knows no bounds
Ribs are shattering
Without a sound
In obedience I keep you
with my love.
This is the last time you will know
My love for you.
You’re hollow
Empty - a shadow of your former self
And you love me too.
All black and blue
So Beautiful
In your bed of pine
Lying in silent obedience
One last time.
52 · Feb 2018
Meant To Be
Andrew Rolston Feb 2018
The simple curves of your face
feel the warmth of love’s embrace
Caress the flames as they touch the skin,
lights the fire that’s deep within

Ignite the spirit with thoughts of bliss,
hungering for the taste of your sweet kiss
Them haunting eyes through me do see
that you and I were meant to be

— The End —