Die you demon, yes die you disaster
I can't find clarity, I can't even control my conscience
Solvent of sanguine, can't say I'm sure
Pale to perfection, can't pile the potential
Now is never, and nowhere is near
Finding my freedom, and forgoing my fate
Wasting my wishes on wanting of wisdom

I know you can see me
Sitting here in despair
I know a lot of things
Like I know that you don't care
And you can hear me screaming
Oh why won't you reply
You can stop listening now
My throat has bled dry

My love is ***** with malicious intent
My love is cheap enough to be free to borrow
My love is a poison your body still seeks

My love is pure in my honest attempt
My love is affluent and can absorb all of your sorrow
My love is the cure to all that makes you weak

You told me to listen to myself.
"Follow what feels right."
So I sit here tonight, alone, and ******, brooding over the choice I have chosen.
You said I need to fix myself.
I agree that I'm broken
But if you can't care for me when I'm sharp little pieces, what makes you think you could love me when I'm whole?
You cried that I wouldn't fight for myself.
"Be a man and take what you want!"
So I'll take my love and my life, because I'm selfish, and you're right. I'll end this shame we've sunk into tonight.

Do not like this, because it is sad,
Sorry,
Weak,
And poorly put together
Please, do not praise this effort
It is empty, shallow, and uninspired
I am not a poet, I hope you know this
I am alive, and so very tired of spilling words like tears onto the shoulders of people I will never meet
But this is all I have, so be it terrible, lazy, and pathetic, it is all I have, even though it is not enough

Oh nameless face
Where are you tonight
I've met you before
A different name
A different face
A light in a darkened place
You always appear suddenly
But then again you fade

Oh temporary hope
Eluding me again

Your disease, it will evolve
Take new shape, then dissolve
Around your world it will revolve
Its a problem you can't solve

I just want you to know,
though we aren't very close,
I wish you didn't have to go

All the girls say I'm such a nice guy
Well if I'm so nice why don't they try
A little less to leave me impressed
Why can't I get them undressed

I wake up
Soaked in sweat
Shook from a dream
I won't soon forget
Nightmares reveal my deepest fear
That I am hated by all I get near
Why don't they think better of me
I'm just being what I know how to be
But for them, it's never enough
Maybe someday I'll see through the guise
And realize i'm not the one they despise
I'm the same as them, just a little different
But I feel the pain
Of self hatred inherent
It looks as if there's no escape
Panic grips me
It keeps me awake
If I slip back to sleep
I'll wake again just to weep

Does anybody else ever feel as empty as I do?
No matter what I try, be it drugs or meditation, or simple self mutilation,
I never feel like the child I was born as, not a single easy day has passed
Since I was taught that the world just doesn't care, and it'll take what you love and laugh as you suffer there

I try to be something, most often I'm not
I used to be someone, who I am forgot
I can be nothing, its still more than I've got
I think I'm no one, don't ever tell me I'm not
The only reason I've made it at all
I've faked my way through every fall
I pretended i could hold a presence
Every action and every word, used to keep hold of my world
Abandon the truth
Forget the past
There is no proof
Just make this last

I came here to be alone
Won't you stay away
If I had came here looking
It certainly wasn't for you

Why do you look to the sky?
There is no savior in the air, just comets coming to collect us all, and the hope in your eyes won't break their fall

Why do you look to the ground?
There is no shelter down there, just creatures coming to consume us all, and the prayers on your lips won't make them stall

I either drink to much or think to much, no space in between
I neither control myself nor anybody else, can't do anything I mean
I'll kick you or kiss you, it all depends how you act
I'll love you or loathe you, those are the facts
If you tell me Monday that I won't see you tomorrow, I'll feel forgotten again
I'll sit til Sunday waiting for you, but you won't be there in the end

Don't you want to be something more, to be bigger than all of those whom you have no respect for?

You may think that you are, but you're no walk in the park. You're more like a ten mile swim straight down, to the bottom of an ocean where no light can be found, while I'm struggling desperately to breathe, because you put a kink in the hose that holds the air I need to breathe

It will snake
Its way back
Into my head
Before i know
I'll be dead
Replaced by it
I will not change
I will degrade
All the way
Into my grave
Where my bones
Will feed the same
Bugs and dirt
From which I came

I come down from my last high and roll right into the next
I find places where I can hide but I never find no rest
I slip from my slumbers into hungry hornets' nests
And that sting, the sharp bleeding pain
Is the only thing left I crave

A million conversations all in my head
A million chances to be better off dead
Yet every time I've chosen the safety of silence instead

I've been trying to fix this broken heart
Its been a while since I could get it to start
The chemicals and fluids that I injest
Feeble attempts at joy at best
Not to say that I really tried
A hundred times I'd said I would
A hundred times I simply lied
Lied to myself in hopes I'd fall for it
But I can't believe I should even be in this pit
I'm just waiting in the bottom of the well
For the rain to fall into the hole in which I fell
Fill it up right to the top
I'll float on up and never stop

Depression, depression
My soul obsession
Depression, depression
My sole posession
Hold onto me until the end
Let go of you just to pretend
I could never
I won't let her
Go

Your love is *****
Your body is cheap
Your disease is the sickness that i desperately need
I cannot be free
I cannot be well
I want to die with you at the bottom of this hell
I dont need your fears
I dont need your ire
I need to feel from the inside your greatest desires
Enslave and enrage me
Confuse and conflate me
Keep upping the pace of this maddening race
Id do anything if it meant that youd save me a place

I've often been given the old aged advice:
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket"*
-but I don't really see a way to apply that logic when I only have one carrying case, and the fact that it's full of holes only makes things easier to misplace. Besides, I only have one egg to hold onto, so often I find my hands are my best tool to use, but too hard I squeeze such easily broken hopes, so all I ever get are shell shards and yellow yolks

At least there's comfort in the weight of shame, lifted free of concern for your future bout with fate, and of all the ways you could be laid away, you prefer the warmth of your old rusty cage

It may not
seem perfect,
or like everything
you could want,
but love will
always be found,
if you allow yourself
to appreciate
what you've got

Im all about that sweet decline,  when nothing's right but i feel just fine
I know how pathetic it is, the life that i have tried to live
Excuse for this
Excuse for that
Its a wonder that ive made it past
12 bottles on the table
Turned to 17
And 24 still somehow able
But will i last til 27
Or come up short of the group in heaven
I dont know how much farther ill go
Self destruction is all i know

You make me forget what the point of this is. I've become as dull as the razor blades that you used to use upon your wrists, so I can barely leave a mark that won't be forgotten or still felt tomorrow, and I know if I walk away there's no reason you would ever want to follow

Freaking out in the parking lot, sitting in my car talking to myself, I came here to get something, do you know what it was? I can't make my self move because I thought about what was
Between you and me, wait no you could never keep a secret, you let all the groceries spill onto the kitchen floor, and now I've forgotten what I got them for.

Girl you make my skin crawl, like a bunch of worms squirming through dirt, you get underneath and eat where I hurt. Burrowing yourself deep inside, you turn yourself into butterflies, free in my stomach with no place to hide. Then up into my brain you will fly, lay your eggs behind my eyes, go out my mouth and let yourself die, knowing my future is with you in my mind

Why do I feel
There's no reason for me to
All it does is cause me to continually chase after that which I cannot control
I want to think
As i have plenty of reason to
But not a single act of glory has been salvaged from the endless war between yes and no

In the face of your glory, I will tremble but not stumble
I will raise my head, and look up
To the stars your eyes contain, jewels I may never reflect brightly from, though I am graced by their fabulous glean as you aim them at me.
With a sensation arising of desire and admiration,
I will meet your magnificent stare,
And I will be pulled into your space

Such a sudden specter
A spirit I've felt before
Like raindrops on the glass, I can only watch as you pass through
And if I could catch a single drip for every time I've thought of you, I'd have enough to fill the entire ocean blue

Filled with fantastic fantasies
Memories I'll never make
Like airplanes in the atmosphere, I can only watch as you fly by
And if I could take flight every time that you cross my mind, I could soar forever and leave this world behind

Insides get tight while the mind unravels again, as alarms are ringing through walls of muscle and skin
Stubborn but patient, the heart beats on, waiting for a sign that it won't be wrong

There is a tension running through my veins today. The blood inside them feels thicker than my skin, and the seals that hold it together are struggling to keep me in.

You'll never find what you're looking for
If you keep your eyes looking at the floor
It's always been in front of your face
But you're always looking in a different place

I could **** us both, by starting with you
I could tear that shredded cloth you call a life into two
Piece by piece, I can infect your head with my deadly disease
You just have to ask please
Because I won't do anything that is not asked of me

I've tried hard to provide, but every dollar dies in vain
Please just tell me your price and I'll make sure that it's paid
Piece by piece, take all I have and  burn it at my feet
But I forgot to ask please
Because I can't do anything that is asked of me

It's my constant conscious consideration that I don't want a cataclysmic complication, but this constant intoxication is a writhing indication that I have already let all the bricks fall right off the wall

If you dare to dig in and take the descent into the cratered crevices of my mishandled mind, I can't provide a promise that you'll like a penny piece worth of what you'll find

Can I just lie and say I I'd be fine spending the rest of my life without you by my side, every time I see the morning light in the same place we laid ourselves down in the night?

I don't always mean what I feel inside, but sometimes these feelings are too big to hide

I only say I don't know because I don't want you to know.

You know I could never walk away
I'm gonna stay no matter what I might say
You could **** me off to the moon
And when I return you'll still be welcome in my room

I never feel alone when I'm by myself at home, but when I'm out with my friends it never wants to end

I often need to be reminded of the things I've said and how they contradict the currently carried thoughts in my head. I need to be assured that my worth will be preserved and that i shouldn't believe the things I thought I've heard.

I want to know all of the things you see in me, so can see how many of them I can believe

Now I hide behind my eyes with silence, blinding you to the noise inside my mind

To be your only light in life drains me of all I have to shine bright