Running around
Trying to get ahead
Life's a competition
Or at least that's what everyone says
but I don't think that it makes much sense
Living a life to have more than the rest

I feel the need to write but don't know what to say
It seems there are things that have gotten in the way
The freedom I once felt has completely disappeared
And the loss I feel is greater than any I ever feared

Every time I fall, I sink like a stone
Dropped into the ocean
Tossed by endless waves
I never get to rest
Someday I'm sure, I will reach the shore
Only to be taken back by the tide
Pulled back under the crushing ways

I can see my ghost. he's leading me somewhere and I'm not sure if I should follow. I know where he wants to take me, its a place I've been before, but going there would involve losing the greatest thing I've had in quite a long time, but we both know that I'll never be satisfied with a simple physical possession, we both know I desire the spirit of it and that anything less will leave me wandering through limbo lost and hopeless. I don't know if such a heavenly feeling is something I can ever have, so I might just follow him back to the deep underworld once again, and if its meant to be I believe that angel may take my hand and pull me out and away to the place I truly feel that I belong

Blocked in the mind
Though the answer is there
What is there to do
But despair and feel blue

Moist feral womb of fetal tissue and brains
The nightmare prison you dream of but never can remember
Death is the return to all that made you sacred
No mundane soul should deserve such a fate as to wait at heavens gate for something more than great

There's nothing quite like when you lie to me
by lying in my arms,
silently pretending that we can be
more than just you and me.
And there's nothing I love more
than when you lie to me from the floor
and tell me that you don't want me anymore.
So there's nothing I can do
but lie beside and lie with you.

I choose to use you for my own self abuse.

Fake it till you make it
Make it then you break yours
Fake it til you retake it
Take it all the way to a corpse

Everybody is my friend until I say I need them
Then they run so far away
I can't catch them so here I stay
Can you tell me why I'm so lonely
All I want is someone to hold me
My whole life I've had no mother
So if you hate me blame my father
I don't mean to be so off putting
I'm just never sure of what I'm doing
I'm always trying to please the crowd
But I'd love for someone to bring me down
I can't keep dancing for all of you
Even if its all I want to do

I don't want the world
I don't want your gold
All that I want / is to sit beside your throne
So here I wait / on the floor
And here I'll wait / forever more
There is nothing / of which I'm sure
Except that I / want to be yours

What a beautiful day to set the world to flame
I'll burn down this city before I die of shame
On a night as dark as the void behind my eyes
I'll build a fire to ignite the whole sky

Tear down the hospitals that couldn't fix the pain
Wreck the television stations for all the **** they play
**** all the scenes and smite the popular crowds
**** absolutely everybody that I'm going to let down

What can you do when your heart is confused, and your brain is battered and internally bruised, and despite all the hope you try to hold in your head, at the end of the day you still wish you were dead?

You see me and I see you
Now what are we gonna do
Because I know you know
And you know I know
There's something deeper than we let show

Your razor blade is still sitting on the window ledge in the bathroom, and I'd give it back to you, but you told me to get away, so that's where I'm gonna stay. I wonder if I should cut myself with it before I throw it away, set it to my wrists and pull open the veins, let myself pour down the shower drain while I contemplate the consequences of this game we chose to play.

Climb a tower,
Reach the top,
Be faced with three choices;
Remain at the peak alone,
Go back down the way you came,
Or accept adventure: jump and see where you can land

No longer will we let ourselves be burried beneath the lives we've built
No more will we sit burdened by the weight of fear or guilt
Never again will we be halted from progressing past the sinking silt
We will expose ourselves and let them all see our skin of gilt
We will spread our light upon the world from atop our towering stilts
We will take the world we know and we will make it rebuilt

Your thoughts are like refugees, longing to find freedom and relief, from the mind they wish to flee
And they are also like martyrs, willing to fling themselves at death, wanting to prove they have meaning

All a part
All apart

What we aren't
What we are

I only want you to have a reason to smile, just a little reason to laugh for a while, a reason to joke in the face of denial, and a reason to believe that your fate isn't final

You are what adds flourish to the light and dark, you are what gives either their meaning

No matter what I try to do, it never seems good enough for you. One wrong move and you'll turn from gold to blue, and you'll leave me feeling angry, bitter, confused, and so very ******* used

It's becoming clear that its not me, but everything that I believe
The little lies that materialize and pile high til they blind my eyes
I want to trust in my own thoughts and find comfort in my heart
But the truth is that I just can't see the reality of everything that is me

I wish I could provide the proof for you and let you read it through and through
Then let you tell me what to do, but you'll never know me the way I do

Its hard to focus on a single idea
Every imagined betrayal
All the made up pain
They seem so real in my brain
The emotions that endlessly erupt
The feelings that I can't feel enough
I always want to have to much
And it's to the point where I want to give up
Because I'll never cease the cause of pain
I'll always find a way to make it rain
Soak myself as i pour on the shame
Always playing to win a losing game
It's all that I know how to do, because in the end I'll never know the truth

You've gotta prove that you can own it
Make them know how bad you want it
Tell them what you'd do to hold it
Let your skin show like you told it
Once you've got it don't let go

Don't let go

When given two choices I always choose wrong, whether I upset you by staying quiet or offend you with a song. No matter what I say or don't say, do or don't do, there's always a reason my decision hurts you.

I've often been given the old aged advice:
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket"*
-but I don't really see a way to apply that logic when I only have one carrying case, and the fact that it's full of holes only makes things easier to misplace. Besides, I only have one egg to hold onto, so often I find my hands are my best tool to use, but too hard I squeeze such easily broken hopes, so all I ever get are shell shards and yellow yolks

I don't want to forget you, but I think it's time that I must
I don't want to regret you, but what we built has rusted and fallen to dust, leaving me with no foundation to stand upon, because you were the support that I always relied on
And when you began to fall apart and break, I tried my hardest not to share your fate, but I stumbled down and wound up doing the same
Now I'm trying to find my feet and am trying to rise again, and I think I have to do it without you there to call my friend

I saw the wild cats playing in the street
They see me
They eat meat
I once tried to approach them, to see what they could teach
The one I spoke to told me, its best if you stay out of our reach
If you try to catch them, they'll always get away
You cannot control them, but if you're silent they might stay
You may try to tempt them, with a mouse or a fish
But should you ever feed one, be sure it doesn't bite your wrist

We do not live
We wish to be a not
We'd rather refuse to give
Than increase the lot we've got

Somehow I keep
Letting you slip
Through my fingers
And under my nose.
Then when you're gone
I don't feel a thing
But your memory lingers,
Like the smoke in the air
That I breathe in my sleep,
I Inhale as much of you
As my lungs can keep,
Until I am thoroughly
And completely choked.
The house is on fire,
But I'll never leave this roast.
I'm just dreaming of you,
As I sleep alone
Inside my burning home

I should publish a book, just so people can buy it and never read a single word
They can put it on their living room tables, and point it out when company comes over
"I read poetry, go open that book if you don't believe me" they'll say, and amazingly, when the book is opened, someone will know that their host is lying
Because if a person reads poetry, they would never buy my book

Sleeping with your head against my chest, with your hand in mine, is the sweetest dream I've had in some time

Without you there
To light the fuse on my bombs
I go on
Through the dark without a light
I lose my way, and remember the sight
Of you and i burning bright and igniting the sky
Do you remember
The sound of explosions that stirred our emotions up
And in the sky, the planes roared above as they dropped explosive ordinances before our eyes
The war we fought
Was a ****** battle of hardened souls
Survival was bought by those who brought knives up their sleeves
and made the other believe that this fight would be fought with pride
We lost the lives that wed never realize, and the price we paid was worth more than we saved
But the memories we made must be strong enough to carry us to the grave

I want to forget right now
I want to let go of everything
I don't want to talk to you and i don't want to hear you sing
Another song about how you can't find love and how the world just *****
I'm so sick of your misery
And the way that you never see
The damage your choices inflict on me

I've spent too long in these woods and now I'm afraid I'll never escape. These trees have now been watching me for several years, as I've shrunk from a man, full of promises and potential, just seeking inspiration, into a wanton waste of nothingness, just wandering wrecklesly, while these mighty wooden watchers just continue to grow, bloom, and blossom around me, and I simply cannot keep up with them.

I cannot hate you as much as I hate myself for loving you

I let myself get ****** in so swiftly
Just so I can try to be part of someone else's whole, because there's too much empty space in my own to ever complete my soul

Your heart has a body built to hold it, and that body comes with a mind made to control it, and all the parts of that work of art seamlessly seem to be telling me, there's a secret meaning in the way your skin's been speaking to me.

Last night I longed to hear your voice
I begged god to let me see you whole
I swore I'd give up my life for just one night
I would do anything for just a moment with your soul

Honest words are hard to come by, and I don't mean to say I've been telling lies, but anything that I have said has always been a less true version of the sentences swimming in the deepest depths of my head.

Reaching out
To touch the sound
Then suddenly
It seems to break
And I find myself
In a silent place
I take a breath
And feel the doubt
The only sounds
That im allowed

Our lives were crossed at a beautiful intersection
And even now as we prepare to part
I still hold a piece of you in my heart
I'll never forget the lesson I've learned
The sun only dissapears because the world has turned
But soon enough it will rise again
And when it does we'll still be friends
I'll always be there if you come knock on my door
Thank you for showing me what life is for

I need to tire myself out before I get home lest I be too awake to sleep on my own

Inside my chest rests a hole
Black and bottomless, it goes straight to my center
Above it hangs a sign that reads: danger, do not enter
If you shine a light and try to see the floor, you'll find yourself staring into a vacant core
Absorbing all white
Spitting out just dark

I can live with being tired all the time, the reason why I can't get a good night's sleep is what's killing me

"This time is for real, there will be none greater than this!"* - a record stuck on repeat

Such a sudden specter
A spirit I've felt before
Like raindrops on the glass, I can only watch as you pass through
And if I could catch a single drip for every time I've thought of you, I'd have enough to fill the entire ocean blue

Filled with fantastic fantasies
Memories I'll never make
Like airplanes in the atmosphere, I can only watch as you fly by
And if I could take flight every time that you cross my mind, I could soar forever and leave this world behind

Oh cast away eyes, how much of me can you see today
Oh volcanic heart, how quickly will you burn me away
Oh contemptuous course, how far will you allow me to stray
Oh shallow songs, how many more must you make me play

So tell me babe, what do you say
Will you seize this chance or let life slip away
I beg you please, don't leave us this way
Is there nothing I could do to convince you to stay
Please just go to sleep, and find peace in your dreams
Just remember me, and don't forget to believe
That there's nothing except for love that will ever set you free

Maybe this is it
Maybe this is the end result of cancer
Or perhaps its the price i pay for my platitudes and piously proclaimed prideful professions
In guilt i am swallowed whole by the taste i wish to savor, those who know solution, that should save anyone other than those who place praise in the credence to which we are born able and in place of.
Aquarium where you try to swim
Too full of liquid
Not enough air to breathe
None but the unconscious would even dare

There's a sound that been beating me deaf between my ears
It's a melody made by mixing madness, anxiety, and fear
It's a song that you're lucky you'll never have to hear
But if you know the tune then sing it loud and clear
And I'll welcome you into the madhouse that is this mind of mine