Maybe this is it
Maybe this is the end result of cancer
Or perhaps its the price i pay for my platitudes and piously proclaimed prideful professions
In guilt i am swallowed whole by the taste i wish to savor, those who know solution, that should save anyone other than those who place praise in the credence to which we are born able and in place of.
Aquarium where you try to swim
Too full of liquid
Not enough air to breathe
None but the unconscious would even dare

It's hard to feel whole when the hand that you want to hold until you grow old decides that it would rather be cold than to take on the burden of loving your soul

I don't want the world
I don't want your gold
All that I want / is to sit beside your throne
So here I wait / on the floor
And here I'll wait / forever more
There is nothing / of which I'm sure
Except that I / want to be yours

All I wanted was to listen to you sing, because you used to smile when you'd let your voice ring, and I was proud to have the privilege to be there listening.

There is a weight
Tied tight around my throat
Pulling me deeper every moment
And as I sink further into the abyss, I find I no longer need to breathe
And thought it's too dark for my eyes to find light to latch onto, I can see exactly where this weight is taking me
Into the wide open empty place that nobody dares to visit
Into myself, and all the darkness I contain
I will be carried to the bottom
And never return

Moist feral womb of fetal tissue and brains
The nightmare prison you dream of but never can remember
Death is the return to all that made you sacred
No mundane soul should deserve such a fate as to wait at heavens gate for something more than great

Reaching out
To touch the sound
Then suddenly
It seems to break
And I find myself
In a silent place
I take a breath
And feel the doubt
The only sounds
That im allowed

My emotions are just toys, scattered across your floor
Stepped on so many times, your feet have gotten sore

I was born with chameleon skin
I can change my colors at a whim
Red, blue, green, and every single shade in between
But my coat does not reflect my parts that go unseen

When you think you're hated there's nothing you can do
Just sit and wait for the monsters to swallow you
When the light is fading there's nowhere you can run
Just sit and pray you'll live to see the morning sun
When loneliness persists there's no one who can help
Just slit your wrists and accept your place in hell

I don't want to forget you, but I think it's time that I must
I don't want to regret you, but what we built has rusted and fallen to dust, leaving me with no foundation to stand upon, because you were the support that I always relied on
And when you began to fall apart and break, I tried my hardest not to share your fate, but I stumbled down and wound up doing the same
Now I'm trying to find my feet and am trying to rise again, and I think I have to do it without you there to call my friend

Tonight I appear bigger through the false perspective of my broken mirror.

I find my eyes but they cannot see the space inbetween the sky and the sea directly ahead staring back at me, and as my eyes try to scour through the night for the ledge thats out of sight, my legs begin to push while the wind gives me a shove, then suddenly I'm  flying at full speed over the ocean towards the edge just up ahead.

Should I not discover a way to get myself down and back onto solid ground, I'll fly off the horizon into the void, consumed by the unknown. But I have gone too far, and should I gain my mind again, I'll slip and fall into the water beneath my feet, and there alone I will drown.

This instability is killing me
These thoughts I can't control
Eroded by emotions, I can't get out
All the words choking my throat

I'm not satisfied by my passion
I'm not content with my efforts
Because still, I can't accomplish anything
Except for making sure you hurt

I'm reaching for a reaction
I'm clawing for a cause
All in all, I guess it's time to end this
There will be no final applause
There will be no curtain calls

I'm waiting outside for you to open up your mind
I don't care if it's cold or if it takes all night
And I'm not even asking for the door
A window is more than enough I'm sure

Let me in, it's not a sin
Or come out so we can begin
I need you to hear what I'm saying
But it's always too loud, the music you're playing

I don't know if you heard a word
I've been saying for seven weeks
I'm still out here and you know it hurts
But I know being stuck inside is so much worse
Won't you step out for some fresh breeze
Before the only way you can leave is in a hearse

I'm sitting home alone trying to reach death through the phone, he answers and says he's got someone on the other line, and he asks if he can call me back in five, I say ok hang up and go out for a drive, because I know he won't call me back, I've tried this at least a hundred times.

I can see my ghost. he's leading me somewhere and I'm not sure if I should follow. I know where he wants to take me, its a place I've been before, but going there would involve losing the greatest thing I've had in quite a long time, but we both know that I'll never be satisfied with a simple physical possession, we both know I desire the spirit of it and that anything less will leave me wandering through limbo lost and hopeless. I don't know if such a heavenly feeling is something I can ever have, so I might just follow him back to the deep underworld once again, and if its meant to be I believe that angel may take my hand and pull me out and away to the place I truly feel that I belong

I ride the line of time in circles around my mind, never finding any more than what I'm leaving behind

We're all tired, from always sleeping on the floor,
And we've decided, that we dont want this anymore!
It's time to rise, because kneeling isn't opening any doors,
And we're gonna fight, because we're not afraid anymore!

There's a storm brewing within every single molecule of my skin

And pyres scorching blindingly bright behind each of my eyes

There's a tornado ripping across and pulling up every inch of my inner guts

And there's an explosion that's about to start planted deep under the hole of my heart

You'll never find what you're looking for
If you keep your eyes looking at the floor
It's always been in front of your face
But you're always looking in a different place

So I'm at work, right
And there's this guy
He's trying to order something super sized
I tell him, "we don't do that here, we have regular, small, and kids in whole wheat or rye"
Then I ring him for a regular, and he says "you messed up", with a scowl.  
He asks if my manager is around.
I get fired, so I burn that **** hole to the ground.
Another day, another dollar

Start it off with a few choice words
Make them sweet
Make them hurt
Get the attention you've so long desired
Then cut down the one you once admired
Emotional attack, a verbal assault
Kiss the wounds with a pinch of salt

Sometimes I wonder where we each would be, if you didn't decide you had to go, or if instead I was the one who chose to leave

The feeling rips through me. Crashing waves rush over my entire body sending the current of emotion running through my limbs until it smashes with all its might into the tips of my fingers and toes, causing me to reach out and kick away at the same time. My mind rapidly succumbs to the flooding, as my thoughts boil and drown beneath the toxic mixture that has poured into my head.

For no one, I'll do anything
For myself, I'll do nothing
For you, I'll do everything

It's time for us to go, wake everybody up
We're gonna touch the sun, together all as one
With pairs of wings that wont succumb to the tremendous heat, we will leave troubled lives behind as we lift off from the ground under our feet
And with a little bit of luck, we'll find our bodies and souls reborn
It'll make brilliant pheonixes of us all, by causing birth from death once more

You took me out of the sea and then taught me to breathe oxygen without water and then questioned me for falling for the only daughter of those who believed that praying to god would grant them relief from the impending slaughter that they signed up for in order to see the true path that lies beneath each brother and sister no matter how strong we build our resistors

You will never find yourself if you choose to hide from everyone else

I am not a flammable substance, though I can be reactive under the right conditions
If you add yourself to my solution, my chemistry will violently reject you and send my own existence into remission

Your car got taken for a measly sum, and mine went to the flames under the winter sun, so we both lost out before our time was done, but im tryna tell you that it all matters none.
Before we started this war of excommunication and going *** for tat over every nonsensical spat, there was something golden coating what we had, but somehow we ended up throwing it in the trash, and I'd give every arm and leg that i have to get it back.
Now i know its been a while since youve heard my voice, and i apologize if i start to cry, its just that i dont know how to handle how strange it feels to know that at least ive tried.

Joey was a friend of ours
He died when we were young
Now we make jokes about it
And so his name lives on

How quickly you forgot all the things you said, and I misstepped as well but I had you causing a wreck inside my head. Anytime I'd try to write all my ink would come out red, on a thousand pages my feelings for you were bled, and it hit me so hard because I hung on your every word, then hung myself from the rafters and watched my life swing over the disaster. Now you've come back blaming me for things that you misheard, you always had me so misunderstood. Forget you, I know that I should, but when the only person that you even care about says they're leaving for good, what did you think I would do, feel sorry for you? Because I'm such an ******* to have driven you to disperse, you knew it was me but you didn't know my verse, and now since you've been gone things have only gotten worse. Every night I've been stuck awake, trying to put a pin on my mistake, hiding away in my lonely place, feeling like I'm gonna explode, because no matter how high I'd get I still could not forget your face. I felt like I was in space, like I removed myself from planet earth without a trace, but deep down I know I can't escape this place

Remember to fake it with all of your heart
I found that you play the most convincing of parts
When you're down on your knees
Begging of me
To set you free
But I don't want you or any of your responsibilities
Be a man
Take charge of your life
Maybe then
Some dumb girl will become your wife
But for now stay away from me
Don't you dare look at me
With those sad eyes
Remember the time
You said goodbye
This is like that
Except I'm letting you die
My friend
You will be born again

I guess I'm just seeing things that aren't there, hearing little whispers that echo through the night, they tell me that something isn't right
I think its because I'm looking for it, chasing ghosts through the dark, without even the smallest light to guide my heart
Sometimes I feel your presence when I'm alone, other times it feels as if you want me to leave, and its always the worst that I choose to believe

Without you there
To light the fuse on my bombs
I go on
Through the dark without a light
I lose my way, and remember the sight
Of you and i burning bright and igniting the sky
Do you remember
The sound of explosions that stirred our emotions up
And in the sky, the planes roared above as they dropped explosive ordinances before our eyes
The war we fought
Was a ****** battle of hardened souls
Survival was bought by those who brought knives up their sleeves
and made the other believe that this fight would be fought with pride
We lost the lives that wed never realize, and the price we paid was worth more than we saved
But the memories we made must be strong enough to carry us to the grave

It may not
seem perfect,
or like everything
you could want,
but love will
always be found,
if you allow yourself
to appreciate
what you've got

Sitting around all day drinking without a soul to touch
I've been sitting here spinning and thinking that my last drink was too much
Roaming around the house looking for friends that I can't find
I've been going to and from getting lost in the maze that is my mind
I've been crawling around the floor soaking up all the dirt and grime

The sound will call the ears of ready runners, the race will be started, and I am the starting line.

BANG!

Now they're all sprinting away as fast as they can, and it's only a one hundred meter race to the end, so I'll never see any of them again.

What I could start with my words would shake the nest of every bird in the world

No doubt you feel like a big man, coming from a town smaller than the back of your hand, coming from a family that always had what you need, you never had to look for a place where you could eat. There's no shame in admitting that you had it easier than a big percentage, but you deny the opportunity you've been given while claiming you're a savage. You're a scared little boy and that's all you'll ever be, stuck in a tiny town that you'll always be too afraid to leave.

I feel torn between blaming and hating myself for every negative thing you said about me that I believe is true, and wanting to blame and hate you for making me feel worthless and like I can never be good enough for you. I know well enough that I shouldn't be thinking about it so negatively or so black/white, but with all the stress and anxiety I've felt from this I've had a very hard time keeping my mind open to positivity or possibilities, and it's begun spilling out of my head and into the rest of my life.

We bit our tongues
Until they fell off

Now we must find
A new way to talk

I think silence is worse than suicide, because at least in death there's nothing to hide, its a way to get out of your mind, and leave behind all the problems that plague your life.

I think suicide is better than silence, because at least in death there's something violent, it's a way to let out what's inside, and you may find that the lie is worse than living in your life

I think silence and suicide are one in the same, either way you feel nothing or insane, and either way you hate your brain, and either way the pain will never not feel like shame, and either way you lose the game

Sleeping with your head against my chest, with your hand in mine, is the sweetest dream I've had in some time

Today when i woke up
I saw a man hanging in the mirror on my wall
He lifted his head up and said to me
Did you ever stop to think about what it means to live a life
He asked if ive ever considered what could make me take me own
Then he motioned to the bed where i was lying and he said
I dont think you have a clue about how cruel our desires can be
Ive spent my life watching as you take from others selfishly
All the while you say your piece about why you think you deserve it
And you create your excuses for why its was ok to hurt them
Im leaving today and im not coming back
So when you finally gain the courage to look for yourself
Youll find the same emptiness that youve always been running from
Youll see nothing but the man in the mirror who cares for no one but himself

Sick of being told what's wrong and what's right
Tired of sleeping soundly every night
Bored of having to always keep up the fight
Frustrated with everything that is my life

Four rearing to tear you apart
Horses tied to your legs and arms
The steeds take steps to stretch you flat
Scorpions sting suspended back in surprise attack
Fire spiders consume the flesh biting every inch with no rest
Bees swarm intending to harm and bleed from toe tips to end of arms
Ravens reveal and ravage the face tearing eyes and lips from their proper place
Enough is enough the four horses rush on pulling you to pieces and like that you are gone

I knew where I'd wind up, but I refused to believe that what I thought was true, and now I'm where I said I'd be, still alone and blue

You see me and I see you
Now what are we gonna do
Because I know you know
And you know I know
There's something deeper than we let show