I wish I could meet you
But I'm too afraid
If I could see you
You'd still go away
I should have called you
But I couldn't try
If I could hear you
You'd still say goodbye
I wish I could hold you
But my heart says no
If I got to have you
You'd still choose to go

Ring goes the bell, triggering my mind
Ring goes the bell, moving down the line
Motions exploding, emotions corroding
Mountains crumble, elephants stumble
Breaking down, all the same
Breaking down, push them away
Can't fake it
can't take it
Wasting my time
Waiting in line
Ring goes the bell, every thirty seconds
Ring goes the bell, the voice always beckons

We never really did wrong, but we know we never did right, so let's do what what is left, let's give it a try tonight

Where can your fear be found?
What sets off your sirens?
Does my presence provoke your defense?
Who was it that exposed your weakness?
Will you let me approach your coast, Or am I the thing you fear most?

This latest fashion is becoming quite the passion
Nights kept awake by alcohols bitter taste
So say cheers to the future and all that you'll do
And say a prayer for the hopes that you're still holding on to
The night is young and so are you
You have all your life to make dreams come true

The last thing anybody wants is to be told they don't have a choice, that their mind on the matter is none but a harmless voice

It wouldn't matter if I didn't write, these words would still go unread by the people whose actions put them in my head

Insides get tight while the mind unravels again, as alarms are ringing through walls of muscle and skin
Stubborn but patient, the heart beats on, waiting for a sign that it won't be wrong

wear your soul over your skin, filter the feelings you let in, edit the feelings you let out, and always remember what life is about; not the things that you have, but the people that you love and would hate to live without

I'm just trying to keep it all in my head
If I let it out, I think I'll wind up dead
But lately I've been bursting from the seams with fear
And I've been wondering just why it is I'm still here

The words only sound good in my head
When i see them on paper i think my brains gone dead
Nothing seems coherent and every syllable is arbitrarily placed
No rhyme or reason except for what ive come to expect from the one whose lost his skill with the pen
Im at the end of my rope and i cant use my words to cope because everything i say makes me feel like im just a dope headed loser whos got nothing but a single string around his throat holding him back from choosing to become a ghost

Today when i woke up
I saw a man hanging in the mirror on my wall
He lifted his head up and said to me
Did you ever stop to think about what it means to live a life
He asked if ive ever considered what could make me take me own
Then he motioned to the bed where i was lying and he said
I dont think you have a clue about how cruel our desires can be
Ive spent my life watching as you take from others selfishly
All the while you say your piece about why you think you deserve it
And you create your excuses for why its was ok to hurt them
Im leaving today and im not coming back
So when you finally gain the courage to look for yourself
Youll find the same emptiness that youve always been running from
Youll see nothing but the man in the mirror who cares for no one but himself

Tell me how does a man take his life and make something more of it,
And how does a man ever take a wife and not get bored with it

Sometimes I wonder where it went, or if you even meant the words you said, because lately I've been thinking about this pain in my chest, and I think now's the time to lay all of this to rest.

I'm tripping over something
I know it isn't new
I'm falling into a strange thing
It could just be you
I have found my missing mind
There's nothing I can't do
And my heart has finally found
A love more than true

I can't walk alone with you if you're gonna wear your clothes beautifully like that, and if you don't mess up your hair real quick I think I'm gonna snap. I can't look at you if you're gonna strut with all you got, and don't you flash your eyes at me or I'll have to gouge them out

Its a madhouse in my mind
I hate the love I can't find
No place is safe for peace to hide
There's no escaping once you're inside

I hate to love
I love to hate

I love from afar
I hate when you're close
My heart has a scar
It goes deeper than most
I loath your love
I find pleasure in pain
I hope you know
I'll have nothing to say
Would you please leave
I need to be alone
I don't believe
I'll ever find my own

This could be the place where I lay my heart on the line, or shrug you off again and say I'm fine
You could be the heart where I can easily rest my head, or the hole where I can be buried along with your best intent

I said it once, and I'll say it again
Don't come back to me if you need a friend
I screamed it before, and I'll shout it once more
Once you are gone I'm locking the door

I've walked roads the lead nowhere
Built of stones crushed by despair
I've followed paths into the dark
Through long nights
Past bright lights
Never stopping to see where I am
Wandering alone without a plan
There's a road over a raging river
I take a step and the whole bridge shivers
I hope I don't fall and break through
I need to find my way in these woods
I'm crossing over now without a thought
Ignoring the danger and lessons I've been taught
The splintered spruce might break beneath my weight
But I have to keep moving to catch what got away

I can't help it
It's just the way I am
Always to want more than
What I have
Its never enough
I can't change it
I want more than
I need to
It's not ok
But it's the only way
I know how to be
Always less than
What they want
It's less than
I could ever want
I'm just a selfish man
Always wanting more than
What I've been given
It's all good
But still I want more
I know I should
Try to be satisfied
With what I have

Maybe for a moment I should try to breathe while sitting alone and silent, while I focus on the peace that I've been struggling to find, without you standing by to spit daggers into my sides, every single time I lose control over my mind

Our natural rights have been forgotten
Freedom must be something that nobody understands
Life should be unplanned and pleasant
But instead we work and follow other's demands
What is existence if it comes with a price
We must take our lives back with our own hands

You'll beg and you'll plead, because baby you see, I'm the type of disease you so desperately need.

The point of these words is growing duller by the letter, and all I need right now is something sharp enough to cut the tension filling my fingers

The mind of a writer is like the body of a prize fighter. It always ends up getting beat around, and every once in a while it gets knocked down, yet every time it finds its way back to its feet, because nothing but death can make it accept defeat

It might be dumb of me to ever believe that there could be one out there meant for me, because when it comes to she I can never seem to find one who enjoys seeing me the way that I know how to be

You are everything and everywhere, there is no escape

I'm so sick of the cycles we run ourselves through.
We apologize and then continue all the awful things we do.
Never able to stop, but we all understand,
We are tasked with building live upon foundations of sand,
unable to hold the weight of this earth's heavy demands.
We'll fight when we have to, and we'll steal what we can.

I can feel myself slipping away, because theres not much holding me back, these days, its so hard trying to hold myself together, because even if i could do it from now until forever, i dont think, i should, know that its not so bad, but i could never really get the hang of acting like that, so i say so long, to this part, of my heart

Love is dead, love is dead!
You can hear all about it on the streets
We give,  we give!
Yet we are never given what we need
God is dead, god is dead!
There's no more need to believe
We live, we live!
But we don't know what that means

I don't think any of us are ever truly ourselves unless we are alone. There will always be parts of ourselves we want to hide from the eyes of those we respect.

What the **** is going on in your head
Your idea of life is my idea of death
What the **** did I do to you
Why the **** did I ever love you
Do you really think that this is best
You push down and put my will to the test
Everywhere I go all I see is ****
All I wanna do is find someone to hit
leave me alone
You left me home
You said you'd you'd return but you left me to burn
Do you really think you'll find a better man
Nobody else will ever love you the way I can
Self abuse
Life without use
You were the oxygen in my every breath
Now I'm ******* down poison hoping for death
I hope your heart is ******* broke
You made me regret every word I spoke
You told me that I needed help
But all you did was watch as I lost myself
You said you loved me but it must have been a lie
If a single word was true you wouldn't leave me to die
Everything I say
Everything I do
I'm done wasting all my time on you
I'm ready to learn how to embrace hate
I'm ready to stop caring about my fate
I ******* hate you for what you make me feel
You can't love me for what makes me real
I close my eyes
All I see is your face
I close my heart
All I feel is hate

I hate everything that these words have come to represent
All the things I refuse to do and all that I pretend
I can write all about how badly I want this and that, but once my desires try to leave the page I stab them in the back
For myself, I can never tame the hell that I create
I can only wait and watch as nothing changes and I stay the same
Every day I leave marks upon the skin of my note pads, keeping track of all the cracks in my conscience and all the dreams I wish I had

just for once, maybe I'd be the reason you've been sick awake at night. Keep thinking no one's got you, I'll be here waiting patiently til you give me the right

You used to cower at the smallest scent of trouble at your doors other side, and you'd run for the harbor to escape the land whenever storms headed ashore were soon to arive, not caring about what you'd leave behind or the people who wouldn't get a goodbye, suffering self-inflicted ruthless alienation every time fear found its way into the center of your mind, you'd kick and scream and swear you would die, just to put an end the terrors that only your eyes could find

You are doing better

You told me to listen to myself.
"Follow what feels right."
So I sit here tonight, alone, and ******, brooding over the choice I have chosen.
You said I need to fix myself.
I agree that I'm broken
But if you can't care for me when I'm sharp little pieces, what makes you think you could love me when I'm whole?
You cried that I wouldn't fight for myself.
"Be a man and take what you want!"
So I'll take my love and my life, because I'm selfish, and you're right. I'll end this shame we've sunk into tonight.

The voice says yes, you can do as you please, so long as what I think you should do agrees.

Like a ball of twine, one end held tightly by my two aching fingers while the rest falls out from the scarred valley of her palms, my mind is unraveled at the sight of a thousand dead bodies; all the people that we wanted but never let ourselves become

This heart is beating and it stops all the time
Any time I think of you I hit the flatline
But maybe someone else can restart the rhythm
Because I can't keep beating for you if you won't even listen

I'm mad at you
And it feels good
To tell the truth

You may think that you are, but you're no walk in the park. You're more like a ten mile swim straight down, to the bottom of an ocean where no light can be found, while I'm struggling desperately to breathe, because you put a kink in the hose that holds the air I need to breathe

If you dare to dig in and take the descent into the cratered crevices of my mishandled mind, I can't provide a promise that you'll like a penny piece worth of what you'll find

All day, every day
He tries so hard to hide away
But no matter how deep the hole, he can't escape from his own soul

He wants separation

This is not justification

He's living degeneration

Now this is desperation

At least there's comfort in the weight of shame, lifted free of concern for your future bout with fate, and of all the ways you could be laid away, you prefer the warmth of your old rusty cage

I can't see the future, or any future to be precise
I can only see lies and a bed buried in ice
Where I lay my head
I won't think again

I never really wanted to
But I'll say goodnight
My hole is too holy to infect with your logic or your truth

I believe only in nothing, and that peace is a void
I don't believe that we are one of God's toys
When we all die
There's no paradise

We go absolutely no where
Just rot in the soil
And never dream again of something more out there

Freaking out in the parking lot, sitting in my car talking to myself, I came here to get something, do you know what it was? I can't make my self move because I thought about what was
Between you and me, wait no you could never keep a secret, you let all the groceries spill onto the kitchen floor, and now I've forgotten what I got them for.