Rather be broken than be whole
Rather be sensitive and full of emotion
Not worried about my pride
Not worried about my dignity
All I care about is my soul
my heart
my spirit

I love writing
I love chess
I love being positive  
I love people
I love life
I love music
Most importantly
I love love

I love the way people fall head over heels for each other
I love the idea of hugging and squeezing
being so close yet never feeling close enough

It amazes me the way we change our routine and lifestyle
the way we adopt new hobbies
all these just to be noticed

I love how love can take a broken hopeless person
and make them whole again

I love how we blindly and stupidly follow certain people
Dance along to their songs
Sing along with their lyrics
Synchronize our heartbeats to theirs

I love how everything would remind us of them
How every love song reminds us of the extra miles we would go for them
How a beautiful orange red sunset would remind us
of the beautiful canvas that we painted for them with our blood
just for some attention
just for some affection  

most of the time all will go unnoticed  
and that is fine
we'll just be broken
and ready to be loved
and healed
by someone
who truly
deserves us

It is truly amazing
how we fall for people
we can not have
isn't it ?

No matter how much you hate me
or avoid me
or fight me
I will always love you
I will always be happy for you

You may think I have a dark rotting heart
or that I may die alone
But I know I have a heart of gold ..... oh so pure
I wish you nothing but the best
If me dying alone means that you will die in the arms of someone that deserves you and truly loves you more than i could ever love you
so be it

I wanted you to detach from me
I wanted you to be a rock without me
I didn't build you up to knock you down
with scratches or gaping wholes or bruises
I built you up
to take a step back
so people could sit there in an amazed aw at what you truly are
you can be spiteful
you can be hateful
you can be dry
with me
I don't mind
for my job is done
the guardian angel is off duty
not really
I'm always here
but I doubt that you ll ever need me again
It breaks my heart that I have to leave you
but it had to be done  
there is a bigger reason behind everything
and everything happens for a reason

Just remember
Every tear you shed or will shed
Every overthought memory you have or will have
It will get better, whether I'm there or not  
you are an amazing person and you deserve better
good bye darling
good bye my rock  

and a tear of joy runs down my face as i write my good byes
I love you and will always love you
through sickness and through health
be you and be great

Regards your guardian angle

It is in that golden beautiful moment,
when all is perfect.

Driving in a car without a care in the world
you and your lover.

Breathtaking city lights
The wind in our hair
Time slows down until it stops

Suddenly
we are in the middle of no where
just you and I
In the darkness
surrounded by the stars

getting lost into each other's eyes
brown so dark its black, pulling me in
your black soft hair
your creamy skin
your perfect eyebrows
your cute pointy nose
it all screams perfection
as if God took his time with you
perfectly drew you
with his paintbrush on his canvass

Then we finally meet halfway
our lips intertwine
in that very moment
we will feel at peace
living fully yet dead in each others arms
quiet but our love screams pure
our love so genuine
unconditional

After that moment, we face reality
you are leaving at 18 to the US
leaving me broken
taking half of me with you
We cant have what we want most
each other.

The perks of feeling everything so deeply
I get to cherish the moments
take in every feeling every impulse
engrave it in my soul
make it part of me
make it special
like you

the perks of playing with words
the perks of commanding ink onto paper
the perks of being soft, a kind heart
the perks of being a wallflower

Sometimes
its just too much,
falling for you

it hurts too much
when your not here,

its too much to handle
but
the joy i feel with you

i would go through hell for.

I sit here
on my bed
looking onto a piece of paper
so lost
so torn

trying in some way to write away the pain
hoping that it will make me feel better

it wont

it wont be ok
it wont be fine
it wont get better

Happiness is miles and hours away
while I sit here
rotting
with a pen in my hand

Why do I this to myself ?
The second I let someone in
The second I decide to remove a brick from my wall
suddenly it happens...

" I don't do rookies" she said
little did she know she touched a scar
a scar so ******* deep

for her it was just some clever wordplay
when i was asking for a little foreplay

I can't blame her really
I'm the one who let her in
I'm the one to blame  
I'm the one who was
idiotic