From day one
He was an open book

Sadly all they wanted
Was the very last page

He wonders
Who would bother
to read
every
single
page
.....

No matter how much you hate me
or avoid me
or fight me
I will always love you
I will always be happy for you

You may think I have a dark rotting heart
or that I may die alone
But I know I have a heart of gold ..... oh so pure
I wish you nothing but the best
If me dying alone means that you will die in the arms of someone that deserves you and truly loves you more than i could ever love you
so be it

I wanted you to detach from me
I wanted you to be a rock without me
I didn't build you up to knock you down
with scratches or gaping wholes or bruises
I built you up
to take a step back
so people could sit there in an amazed aw at what you truly are
you can be spiteful
you can be hateful
you can be dry
with me
I don't mind
for my job is done
the guardian angel is off duty
not really
I'm always here
but I doubt that you ll ever need me again
It breaks my heart that I have to leave you
but it had to be done  
there is a bigger reason behind everything
and everything happens for a reason

Just remember
Every tear you shed or will shed
Every overthought memory you have or will have
It will get better, whether I'm there or not  
you are an amazing person and you deserve better
good bye darling
good bye my rock  

and a tear of joy runs down my face as i write my good byes
I love you and will always love you
through sickness and through health
be you and be great

Regards your guardian angle

I looked at my best friend
I told him
Don't you ever lose the love of your life.  

I looked at my best friend
Dead in his eyes
While a bitter tear ran down from
my eyes to my cheeks to my lips
and told him
Don't you ******* break the heart
that beats more for you than it does for herself
Don't you lose the love of your life.

you'll regret it
you'll wish you got run over
or that a bullet pieces your forehead
you'll wish that the moon would just fall on you.

Every beautiful memory you had with her
will be played in your head
on a loop
over and over
until you feel nothing
until your numb.

Then you'll start living in the past
you'll keep wanting it more and more
you'll be depressed.

you'll start thinking of other people entering her life
you'll wonder which guy will occupy the space
in that heart that was yours
any guy
another guy
a new guy
a guy
that isn't you.

then you wont know what do to
all the ******* will just clash in your mind
and you'll just sit there
Numb
Depressed
Broken
Anxious

the next you know
you'll tie a noose around your head
taking your own life

Then you'll meet the angel
that tore herself to bits
watching you do this to yourself

She is your angel
She is the love of your life

Don't ******* lose her

Rather be broken than be whole
Rather be sensitive and full of emotion
Not worried about my pride
Not worried about my dignity
All I care about is my soul
my heart
my spirit

I love writing
I love chess
I love being positive  
I love people
I love life
I love music
Most importantly
I love love

I love the way people fall head over heels for each other
I love the idea of hugging and squeezing
being so close yet never feeling close enough

It amazes me the way we change our routine and lifestyle
the way we adopt new hobbies
all these just to be noticed

I love how love can take a broken hopeless person
and make them whole again

I love how we blindly and stupidly follow certain people
Dance along to their songs
Sing along with their lyrics
Synchronize our heartbeats to theirs

I love how everything would remind us of them
How every love song reminds us of the extra miles we would go for them
How a beautiful orange red sunset would remind us
of the beautiful canvas that we painted for them with our blood
just for some attention
just for some affection  

most of the time all will go unnoticed  
and that is fine
we'll just be broken
and ready to be loved
and healed
by someone
who truly
deserves us

you're as delicate as glass
and my *******
dropped you

Fake friends
worse experiences.

I fell so much.... got up even more
The only good thing 2017 taught me
< Everything happens for a reason >

Thank you 2017
you ****** me up so much
it made me stronger.

if 2018 is packing the same , I m waiting.

I would look at you
From a distance
Then come to you.

Hold you,
against a wall
Tell you I love
would start kissing you
goosebumps arise,
hearts beat faster.

You would smile,
Ahhh that smile.
I ll help you undress,
Then you would return the favor.

There the journey began,
An adventure
To truly,
understand you
meet the real you
and love you from the start.

After it all
i would wake up
realizing it was a dream.

life is deceiving ain't it?
it is weird how some perceive it,
not surprised
I myself mistake sugar to be salt

I love it
I love the fact that I'm humane
I really don't see that anymore
All I see is people
People with many many problems
I try to lift them
But i ain't no superman
If you are weak, depressed, sad,
miserable,hurt, any ******* thing.
Know that i ******* love you
whoever you are
Be positive
Be happy
Be you
Be humane

Why do I this to myself ?
The second I let someone in
The second I decide to remove a brick from my wall
suddenly it happens...

" I don't do rookies" she said
little did she know she touched a scar
a scar so ******* deep

for her it was just some clever wordplay
when i was asking for a little foreplay

I can't blame her really
I'm the one who let her in
I'm the one to blame  
I'm the one who was
idiotic

I'm sorry.
U never had a dad just a father,
U never had a home just a house,
I'm sorry that
The only person that cherished you
Left you
Im sorry i wasnt closer to you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry i simply
wasn't there for you.

Now I am and never leaving.

I don't know if i am different
But there is something about being alone;
It strengthens me.

They mock me,
chanting lonely.

It is outstanding,
How they misunderstand me.

They know not the talent
of being alone
By choice

I hate the fact you still here,
I hate the fact you still creeping around the corner.

I despise the fact that despite you not doing a single thing,
I would fall to my knees so helplessly.  

get out of my head
i drowned my demons and rose above them
i worked on myself
proved myself to myself
i learned my worth
and it is you who taught me it
i would throw it all away for you
without you I'm nothing and it sickens me
thank you
but
leave
just leave me alone
get out of my head

I just don't fathom
I just don't get it
how is this even possible

get out of my head
or I'll blow you out with a bullet

Imagine after your death,

beside all the dark voids and emptiness,

imagine you meet the creator, God

and he asks you " How was heaven"

Sitting their in astonishment realizing
that heaven is a place on earth
that you chose to turn it into hell

There is a difference
between  
kissing with your lips and your heart
having *** and making love
A big difference
between
lust and love

Sometimes
its just too much,
falling for you

it hurts too much
when your not here,

its too much to handle
but
the joy i feel with you

i would go through hell for.

I feel this pain,
Agonizing pain;
I scream yet unheard,
misunderstood.

They are merciless,
Animals,
Brutes.

I pound the box they have put me in,
It wont even budge;
Begged for mercy
huh they never heard of it.

Please.
Help me,
Help us.

I have not slept in a while
I just am not at peace

I cant go to sleep
I cant close my eyes knowing
you are hurt
you are unsure
unsure of my love for you

Have respect
We are all human
We all have fought our battles
We all have battle scars.

Have respect
I wonder
why are we so quick to judge
why do we  jump to conclusions
just because u cant see a scar
does not mean it aint there
they are hidden unseen.

Have respect
not because he is human
respect the scars
respect the **** the person been through
even though he looks happy

have respect
because we all are like a pomegranate
when we get cut
the cuts remain
forever

Have respect
don't hit the gavel too early

Have respect
he may look alive
but he is dead on the inside

Have respect
self-respect.

Covered in red
Showered with thorns
What am i ?
A simple rose

i got you one
hope you don't mind
mine isn't like others
its black and white
it has no thorns

Brand new
no love has reached my rose
i havn't been hurt
i have no reason to put thorns

one day
i will give you this rose
in hopes of coloring it red

that day
you will break me
i will put up thorns

Monday February 19

It is in that golden beautiful moment,
when all is perfect.

Driving in a car without a care in the world
you and your lover.

Breathtaking city lights
The wind in our hair
Time slows down until it stops

Suddenly
we are in the middle of no where
just you and I
In the darkness
surrounded by the stars

getting lost into each other's eyes
brown so dark its black, pulling me in
your black soft hair
your creamy skin
your perfect eyebrows
your cute pointy nose
it all screams perfection
as if God took his time with you
perfectly drew you
with his paintbrush on his canvass

Then we finally meet halfway
our lips intertwine
in that very moment
we will feel at peace
living fully yet dead in each others arms
quiet but our love screams pure
our love so genuine
unconditional

After that moment, we face reality
you are leaving at 18 to the US
leaving me broken
taking half of me with you
We cant have what we want most
each other.

The perks of feeling everything so deeply
I get to cherish the moments
take in every feeling every impulse
engrave it in my soul
make it part of me
make it special
like you

the perks of playing with words
the perks of commanding ink onto paper
the perks of being soft, a kind heart
the perks of being a wallflower

I sit here
on my bed
looking onto a piece of paper
so lost
so torn

trying in some way to write away the pain
hoping that it will make me feel better

it wont

it wont be ok
it wont be fine
it wont get better

Happiness is miles and hours away
while I sit here
rotting
with a pen in my hand

It was dark
It was scary

I was weary
I felt dreary.

Then poetry came along...

A candle lighting the way
Where it leads is a mystery.

It is truly amazing
how we fall for people
we can not have
isn't it ?