Curled by myside you purr
Wet careless lips dampen me tenderly
Resting on your head on my shoulder
Your contentment nestles
Cradling me from my sorrows

Dear ******,

I ******* hate you
I ******* HATE you
You ******* rot my loves
Inside out
Leaving death holes and track marks
Killing their teeth to Swiss cheese
******* nodding to sleep in the back seat
I ******* hate you
You ******* double crossing *****
You make them love and forget
Til then don't anymore
Cold and shivering
 you leave these "outcast junkies quivering 
To steal for their next 2 minute fix 
You ******* stole my loves from me 
Through their noses
Inhaling your bitter vinegar 
Shooting your warmth
I'm so ******* sick of you killing the kids I use to build sandcastles with
I ******* cry how you've infected old friends and lovers
Dear ******, 
I ******* hate you.

Phantom tickings of hours laid awake staring at white blank wall ,
You see u am not here,
I have been gone for what seems like forever
I don't know who Iam anymore
You have injected into me flowing through my veins like lead
I am weighed down 
Heavy heart 
clinging on to old memories like a child holding a mothers hand in a bussling city sidewalk 
I knew I'd loose myself without your guidance
Weighed down in bed 
I've realized how big my bed is how much youve consumed every inch of me
Raw and scratched 
inside out you've severed my vocal cords 
I can't even objectify to your injustice 
Youve crawled out 
And for some ******* reason I still sleep with your sweaters hoping that they'll start to smell like you
I smoke your brand of cigarettes hoping that you'll call before I OD 
I love you to the point where I hate you

I don't get why you'd carve me like this
Ripping out my heart
Grasping it in you iron grip
Clasping the blood in a bursting vessel
Through a laced ribbon
Controlling my breathing as you will
Heaving dry tears
A nail pierces my eardrum
Deaf to my newfound reality
Stuffed with what's acceptable for me to obtain
My casing is alien
Feeling only the nauseating saliva;
clammy sweat rubbing between my fingers
Succumbing to the meaningless reality we hail

Lately you've been on my mind
While I was thinking about my problems
It's 5 am
the thought of you
Is peeling back my eyes
Laying in this bed of mine
I see you come through my bedroom
And lay by myside
As your tender hand carress
My outer thigh
I feel you breathe down my neck
You are the reason why I can't listen to the same songs that I use to
I doubt I go through your mind
It's 5 am
And the though of you peeled my eyes

an emptiness swells up in my chest
and i do nothing about it
i just wanna carve my chest up
and throw away these worthless bits of me

Its been a lonely year
snow falls on another bright day
dusts death to the beauty of life.
nothing matters
frosted over
my reflection on sheets of ice
unable to recognize myself
thinking back when you use to make me feel like i use to walk on water
its just been such a lonely year.
if only i could take back the part of me
but now i cant find the words
im stuck
lost and dependent
on tender memories
dont tell me ill be fine
im hard and iced over
just waiting for my next good bye
with whatever left of me