Getting too comfortable is dangerous,

It eventually ends, all we do is fight and fuss.

We are meant to grow, be a better version of ourselves

Instead, we bring each other down and I start questioning myself.

I am worthy and so are you, I am letting you go, and you should too.

We both know how this will end, it’s something we can’t bear.

Summer nights, I hate
Survivor, new beginnings
Summer nights, I love

the pain that I feel
my name is what u smear
u hate yourself but blame it on me
I was wounded when I met u
wouldn’t think we’d still be together
I’m bounded by trauma
playing, don’t step on lava
too late now, I just ponder.
if I ever see you again,
ima act like Stevie Wonder.

Ten years, it has been ten years. All put together into fifteen poems. A summary, this is the life I live. There’s no such thing as a perfect human being. I owe it to myself, for never giving in to the mean voices in my head. Including those who walk side by side with me. I know from right and wrong, at times the wrong feels right. I go looking for trouble I have damaging habits to kick off. My actions aren’t helpful. It's a paradox, my biggest flaw. Change feels uncomfortable and I’m in constant sorrow.  

I don't mean to lie,  

I don't mean to manipulate,  

I don’t mean to refuse help,  

I'm empty inside,  

I hate to be alone,  

I space out n daydream because the real-world *****.  

I don’t mean to physically hurt myself at the slightest inconvenience.  

Self-sabotaging is my greatest enemy.  

Living in the abyss of misery.  

I still think everyone hates me.  

I haven't figured out who I am just yet.  

From the top of my head these are the basics. I love to write, draw, and read. I listen to music because it brings me peace. My favorite color is yellow my lucky number is three. I'm ambitious, I chase my dreams. My mind is different, I consider it creative. I am sweet and kindhearted. I’m hilarious, I like to brighten people's days. I’m not a demon. Underneath all these wounds and the mask I wear, I’m just like you.

I wasn’t done grieving. I was tired of going through

All the BS. I ran away from my city, from

Back-to-back traumatizing real life ish.

And here you come,

At full speed.

In disguise, ready to lie, starting fights, I was your punching bag. Forgot who I

was, forgot what love is, forgot about bliss. You never missed,

And I kept going back to it. I was such an idiot.

I understood it, you hate me. I was  

Okay with it...

Because when no one answered my call, you did. Because when

I felt alone, you were there. Because when I felt low,

You picked me up. Because when I wanted

Someone to talk to, you heard.

You are my curse.

I really did love you, and at times I miss you!

They say not to hold on to the good  

Memories, it’s dangerous.

Believe it!

We are the perfect match but for all the wrong reasons.

We shared the same interests or maybe we

Mirrored each other too well.

I thought I had to put up

With it forever.

I haven't yet escaped you. Figuratively speaking, feels like you

Can't let go of me either. We both have our reasons.

Your maliciously thinking, I'm still  

Reminiscing the times

You made me

Feel special.

I think optimistically, your finding ways

To appear back, potentially.

I used to feed your  

Ego daily.

My life has been great. I love myself and deserve to be happy!

I’m excited finally, the plans I have for my future.

I’n set! I wish you nothing but the best.

I hope you overcome whatever is  

Holding you back.

I still want you to succeed, that’s just who I am.

Others might say I'm excusing your

Bad actions. Genuinely mean it,

Helps with this thing

Called healing.

It was nice meeting you Syco, bittersweet moment. Our novel ends here.

Goodbye and I hope to never see you again. Find your peace love.

With much love,

XO

It has been four years and three months since you have passed. My life hasn’t been the same without you, but I did carry out a lot. It has been a whirlwind without your guide. I will always cherish the time we had. I am grateful for crossing paths, you set the bar high for what I deserve to have. Thank you for being there on my journey of mental healing, you knew exactly what I needed. You were able to handle all my feelings. Things happen for a reason. I was there to give you the experience of what love is and in exchange you taught me how to manage myself. I was mad and upset that you left. I'm not trying to be selfish or mean it's something I always held in and in a way couldn’t help me heal. I just couldn’t believe that I had you here one moment then you disappeared. Once upon a time, my prince charming left my dreams. I daydream of all the times we stayed up telling each other stories about our past. We both have a funny bone in us, I enjoyed going to all your comedy shows. Listening to you tell jokes that featured me. I even helped you create some of your skits. I wish I had more time with you, hate that you had to leave so soon. I try not to live with the guilt, but I regret not helping you. This is why I keep living my life, you gave me motivation, you believed in me you wouldn’t think twice. A milestone you helped me achieve was starting a small business selling chocolate covered strawberries. That’s when I knew I had potential to be anything, couldn’t have done it with you that's what I call a team. You gave me reassurance when your phone broke you put the effort to email me. Thank you so much for loving me and treating me like a queen. I love you, Kenny!

Forever Yours,

Ba <3

What is forever? Something that is there all the time, right? That’s how this feel, never ending cycles. I try and I try. After many diagnoses they finally got it right. I felt relieved but at the same time I asked myself why? When I got to the root of it all one event had the power to change my life. I hate that I gotta live with this. I’ll never see sunshine. That’s a lie. BPD can be manageable if you really want to. I learn something new about myself, and I love that. Only I can change and make things right. Only time can tell when I'll be alright. Forever is not always a terrible thing. I stopped looking at it that way to find peace. I give myself credit for putting up with myself and not giving up so easily. It’s not an easy thing to do, it becomes a lifestyle. It’s like battling concrete. You get a lot of ****** knuckles, always made sure I won. I can always forgive; I forgive myself forever I wouldn't want to live with this pain for eternity. Don’t allow yourself to let it take over. Don’t allow it to choose your world. In the end it’ll be all worth it. Forever is true, forever upgrading never knew what prime is.